


Family Bound

by GirlWhoLovesMonsters



Series: New Modern Love [2]
Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: BDSM, Boundaries, Consent, Daddy Kink, Dominate, F/M, Family, First Time, Forgiveness, Gen, Guilt, M/M, M/M/M, Multi, Permission, Playing, Polyamory, Roleplay, Sharing, Spanking, Submissive, daddy - Freeform, light age play, self discovery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2020-08-11 12:01:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 37
Words: 52,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20153263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GirlWhoLovesMonsters/pseuds/GirlWhoLovesMonsters
Summary: Picking up from What Will Be.





	1. Chapter 1

Juice didn't go with the guys to meet up when they were released. Tig had sent him and some of the prospects to a meet with the Niners. Juice was a little annoyed at first but, he knew Tig was doing him a favor, he wouldn't have been able to handle the pickup. 

Chibs face fell when he looked out into the lot, seeing only Tig and a prospect in the van. Their bikes had been unloaded, Tig was grinning wide when they came out. They each hugged, slinging an arm around each other to walk together to their respective bikes.

By the time Juice and his small crew made it back to the clubhouse the rest of the guys were there. His eyes drifted around the room, but he heard the loud brogue of his Fillip. A crow eater was half sitting on his lap, half standing against him on the bar stool. Juice smiled, knowing this behavior was normal, they had appearances to keep up for now, but he would win. He sauntered up to him casually, gaining his attention as he smiled so widely at him. 

"Hey daddy!" He whispered, his voice deep and husky as he pulled Chibs away from the girl and Bobby and into a tight hug. He saw Chibs smile, and felt the heat rise against his skin as he held his hand against Chibs neck. He all but preened in the effect he had on this man. His boyfriend, his top, his daddy... he was giddy with excitement as he remembered everything, they'd became in a short time together.   
"You here with her or can I pull you away?" He teased, feeling confident.

Chibs planted a kiss on his cheek. "Aye, Lad, I think ye can pull me away. Let's stay a little and celebrate, then we can get back to yer place." 

Juice pulled away before the hug would look weird. "Sounds good. Get you a shot?" He smiled that smile again, the one that makes Chibs weak in the knees.   
"Aye, jus grab the bottle. Not that tequila shite, but something good like whiskey!" He shouted.

It didn't take much to get Juice buzzing, he hadn't really drank much since the arrests, Chibs kept pushing shots to him. He knew Chibs needed to unwind, needed this time with the guys to just let loose and get wild, they all did. He wasn't upset or even offended by the man’s behavior towards the girl, but alcohol made Juice a little grabby, a little horny, and little less able to control it.

He wobbled on his stool, laying his head over in Chibs shoulder to stable himself. "I missed you being here, ya know." He slurred out. 

Chibs turned from the girl and smiled over at Juice. "Aye, I missed ye too. Think ye've had about 'nuff lad. Ye know be'er than to try keepin up wit me." He grinned. 

Juice shot back a drunken version of smile, eyes heavy lidded. "When canwe dith-this place?" Juice slurred slowly, tongue feeling thick in his mouth. 

Chibs pulled his arms from around the girl and apologized, letting her know he was going to have to take care of Juice tonight. She was sweet about it, kissing him on the cheek, calling him a good friend, probably accepting the fact he wasn't interested anyway. 

He slid his arms around Juice, stabilizing him some. "C'mon Juicy boy. Les get ye to a bed huh?" There was no way he was leaving the club house on his bike; they'd have to take the van if they left. Chibs nodded over to a watching prospect letting him know he needed the keys. 

Juice slid his hand down Chibs belly towards his pants, making Chibs cough to cover up any other noises he might have made. "Daaaaddy your so warm." Juice slurred, head pressed into his chest almost. 

"Shhhh Juicy." He tried to shush him before he got louder. Juices hand slid further, making an obvious move for his belt. Chibs pulled his hands away feigning annoyance. "Come on Juice, let’s get ye to the van. Keep yer hands to yerself lad." He pulled him towards the door. Juice pouted a little but was instantly distracted by the music playing. 

He was badly singing along, stumbling around next to Chibs. "We can bring her with us Fil-lip! Wanna bring yer lass with us?" He drunkenly mocked his accent, causing Chibs to blush a little. He put his hand over his mouth trying to stifle any other embarrassing things he could say, ignoring the whistles and cat calls from his brothers. He also noted the comment for a later discussion. 

Chibs knew that their response was in fun, most of them were still in the dark, even still it bothered him a little bit that they would think his baby boy was that easy. He would never take advantage of him in this state, regardless of what his cock thought of the situation. Juice being so wasted was his own fault, he kept giving the boy shots. Starting tomorrow things would have to get back to normal, he needed his lad to take care of himself, he needed to take care of his lad. That was his job after all. 

Tig startled him when he opened the door to the clubhouse to let them out, he had been so occupied trying to keep Juice upright he didn't see Tig coming.   
"You taking him home? You can come back to my place if you want too, might be good for him to wake up somewhere familiar." Tig knew he was rambling; he had no rights to Juice now that Chibs was back. He couldn't just let it go though and seeing Juice so drunk worried him. 

Chibs raised a brow at him, weighing the options. Tig was probably right, Juice had been sleeping there regularly and in his current state he might panic if he woke up somewhere else. 

"Yer place'll be good. Help wit the door?" He grunted, trying to prop Juices mostly deadweight against the van. He was almost like a little kid when he was drunk, into everything, loud, all over the place, Chibs missed him even more now. He wanted his partner, his lover his baby boy back, to be comfortable with him again. He really hoped things would go back to normal. 

"This'll be good ya know. We can have a chat about the kid after you get him in bed. You might have to fight Auntie Venus over those privileges." Tig chuckled at his own comment. 

Venus wasn't nearly as concerned as himself about being pushed out. Venus could make herself present wherever she wanted to be and generally this was accepted. Chibs would be no different, and as much as Juice loved her there'd be no way she was walking away. Tig however felt replaceable, temporary, where would he belong now? Would Juice even playfully refer to him as Uncle Tiggy anymore? He had a taste and now he didn't want to give it up.


	2. 2

"Chibs what have you done to that sweet boy? Hmm?" Venus looked at him accusingly, with her hands in her hips.

"Wha?" Chibs shrugged, helping Tig drag Juice to the room he'd been using.

"Juicy? Ye wanna get some pajamas on?" Chibs was trying to ignore the leering look he knew Venus was giving him.

"Sleep." Juice mumbled, trying to roll over only to be stopped by Tig.

"Ye can sleep in a bit lad. Ye cannot sleep in yer boot." As Tig hoisted him into a sitting position Chibs pulled his shirt over his head. He knew it was inappropriate, but he couldn't help letting his eyes wonder over the man’s body. He was perfect, sculpted like a Roman statue.

Tig went to a drawer and pulled out a pair of sweats, kneeling he removed Juices boots.   
Chibs carefully helped him lay back down, making sure to explain what was happening despite the lad not being fully conscious.

"Gonna get yer pants off lovey, help ye into some comfy sweatpants alrigh?" Juice only mumbled in response. With some effort between the two coherent men they got his pants swapped out and rolled into bed. Tig planted a kiss on his forehead, pulling the covers up for him.

He clapped Chibs on the back. "I'll uh, I'll give you a minute to get settled. Wanna talk tonight or wait till he can join us?"

Chibs shrugged, part of him just wanted to crawl into bed, part of him wanted to know how things had been. Luckily Juice answered for them.   
"Dad-dddy, you comin to bed? Pleeeeaase?" He whined a little in his sleepy voice.

"Guess we can wait till morning?" Chibs agreed, Tig was smiling as he turned to leave the room, but Chibs could feel the tension radiating off the man.

"Goodnight Fillip. Sleep well, watch my boy." The tone in Venus voice let Chibs know it wasn't a polite suggestion.

He stripped down to his boxers and climbed into the bed with Juice. Chibs sighed at the feeling of being in a real bed again, it wasn't his own bed, but it had a damn soft mattress compared to the prison bed. He settled down, pulling Juice close against him, pressing kisses to the nape of his neck.

The next morning the sound of dishes rattling woke Chibs. At first it confused him; he mistook the sounds of pans clanking about as something against bars. He squinted his eyes open, looking around the room. Feeling Juices body heat against him brought him back to reality quickly reminding him he wasn't inside anymore. He slipped out of bed, kissing Juice before he left, the room.

"Mornin Venus." His voice was still heavy with sleep, he rubbed his chest as he leaned against the doorway. "Tig still sleep?"

She turned and smiled at him. "Come give me a proper hug. He's in the living room, I'll have breakfast ready soon."

He crossed the room, giving her a solid hug and kiss. "Thank ye for letting me stay here last night. Felt good to be in a real bed again." He pulled away and went in search of Tig.

Tig sat in his recliner, cigarette hanging from his lips, polishing boots. Chibs noticed they weren't his own boots; they were Juices boots.   
"Whache doin Tiger?"

He looked up from his task, sitting down the rag he was using, flicking the ashes from his cigarette before taking a deep inhale. "Just cleaning up his boots. Told him I would."

Chibs sat down on the couch across from him.   
"So how has he been? Really?"

Tig arched a brow at him. "He's been alright. Had some ups and downs. Had to spank him once, went over the training exercises we discussed. He made a friend, Jessie."

Chibs smiled, he was glad he hadn't just recluses himself. "Jessie's a good girl, Lyla and Tara are fond of her. Why'd you have to spank him?" Chibs tone wasn't upset, it was slightly amused.

"He ran off, scared the shit out of us. Said he went up to Jessie's place. To be honest I wasn't going to spank him for it at all, I totally understand why he did it. Like you said though, he knew he'd worried us, upset me, he was spiraling, kept apologizing. After he and I discussed boundaries, I decided I would do it. He needed it. His session with you helped a little but he was so antsy. Like he was waiting for me to flip out on him or something worse. After I spanked him, told him it was done and over he'd been fine ever since." Tig went back to scuffing the boot casually.

"Thas good. Thank ye for lookin after'm. Ye know I don't expect ye to just go away? Ima need help, I would like yer help. Going on runs and shite, it would be good for em to have someone ere with him. If ye wan tha ya know?"

Tig tried to keep himself neutral when he responded. "If that's was Juice wants. I'm gonna miss him now you're back full time."

"Well we can talk to em together."

"That's d probably be good. He tends to get lost in his head, worries a lot. He's really missed you; he has come out of his shell a little bit though. He didn't really go into little space that I'm aware of, but he did show us his more submissive side here and there. Venus isn't really into all of that, but he won her over so fast. She got so protective and mother hen like when I told her I was going spank him. It was funny even though it shouldn't have been." Tig was just making conversation at this point, just waiting for breakfast or for Juice to wake up.

About then Juice walked sleepy eyed into the room. Hang over killing his head, he wanted to take a sick day, secretly he was hoping since everyone was just released, they'd get a pass. Chibs noticed him from the corner of his eye, he opened his arms wide inviting him in for a hug.   
"Mornin Juicy, ye sleep alrigh?"

He nodded, smiling at them.   
"Morning Daddy, Uncle Tiggy. I did sleep okay, glad you're back to snuggy me." He smiled, shuffling over to where the two men sat. "Auntie Venus making breakfast?"

Tig nodded, sitting the finished boots down.   
"Jax text me earlier, everyone is taking a pass on today. Probably good, you look rough kid."   
Juice blushed a little but smiled.

"Never been good at drinking. Sorry if I was too much trouble." He rubbed the back of his neck.

"No trouble, we're glad ye had a good time. Ye wanna get away today? Might have to get ye tipsy again, ye get a little handsy when yer drinkin." Chibs winked teasing the younger man. Whadya say we take a couple days jus ye and me? Hang out and spend some quality time together?" He felt like he needed the time more than Juice probably did.

Juice chewed his lip, a nervous habit. He was excited Chibs was back, this is what he was waiting for. However, he didn't want to give up what he'd gained in Tig and Venus. He also didn't want to upset Chibs by telling him that.

"Come sit Juan. What's going through your head?" Tig spoke calmly, tone firm letting him know it wasn't optional, they would talk. Juice looked over at them and moved towards the couch, sitting himself beside Chibs.

"Um. I, I didn't mean too, I know I wasn't supposed to and I'm sorry Daddy." He murmured.

Both Tig and Chibs looked confused. "Wha did ye do lad?"

"I also love Uncle Tiggy and Auntie Venus. I know this was temporary and I'm so thankful for everything they've done for me. I'm sure you're glad for life to go back to normal but I don't want to lose them."

Chibs rubbed his hands over his face. Okay, so they're doing this now, he figured it was better sooner than later anyway.

"Lovey we were talking about tha. We feel the same way. Calm down okay. We're gone get some breakfast and then I'd really like some time with ye to catch up. Tiggy and Venus will be here when we get back." Chibs rubbed his back soothingly.

"That's right man. I'm like a virus and there's no cure for me. You're stuck with us. Go have fun for a few days, you both need it. I'll be here to play babysitter anytime. Or just to hang out. Next time you and Opie decide to go out, I'm coming along!" He joked feeling better when juice laughed.

Juice nodded contently. When Venus announced breakfast was ready, they all seemed a little excited.   
"M starving and I'm hung over. Whatever she's made is going to taste a million times better than it already does. Daddy she makes the best food!" Juice beamed, he had so many things to talk about. Feeling a little more settled minus the hangover he was excitedly jabbering away.

Tig stood a little prouder at Juices statement, he enjoyed hearing people praise his woman. Next church meeting he was bringing the wedding to the table. It was decided.


	3. 3

The drive out to the place was long, and hot but Juice didn't care this time. He was going to get to spend time with Chibs without anyone around. He followed the bike mindlessly now, he knew the way, he was able to relax into the drive.

His body felt as if it had been charged, like a taser waiting to strike. All of his pent up energy was radiating from him. The discipline he'd gotten from Tig seemed as if it hadn't happened, he needed Fillip, his dominant to do just that... dominate him, take him, punish him, teach him. He knew it wasn't normal but he didn't care. When he was able to let go and submit with Fillip, even with Tig, he felt more in touch with his masculinity, after the fact he felt steady. Their relationship may be taboo in every way possible but it made him a better son. He had accomplished so much in the short time of their relationship, he was more focused when he was at work. Just knowing he had an outlet, even when he couldn't use it, was like a weight being lifted from his shoulders.

Once they were inside it seemed like nothing had changed between them. All the time that Chibs had been away melted, and they were just like it used to be. He felt calm, safe... he felt confident. Something inside Juice had changed though, yeah his head was still a mess, and he wanted everything like before but he felt this primal urge to claim and be claimed. Time was fleeting and this life was unpredictable. He wanted to live before it was taken away again.

Chibs noticed the glint in his eye and the curve of his mouth. He wondered what the guy was thinking as they shed their cuts and boots.

"Ye wan to order dinner Juan?" Fillip asked crossing the room and going into the kitchen, prying for what was in his head.

Juan was standing in the living room, thinking over his next actions. He shed his shirt tossing it over to the couch, it was now or never far as he was concerned.

Fillip heard him slowly enter the room, he turned from the fridge, beer to his mouth. He choked on the sip he'd just taken as he looked Juice over. The lad was instigating, treading into dangerous territory. He was a teasing nymph and he knew it.

Muscles chiseled under tight tanned skin, pants sagging low on his hips suddenly didn't bother Fillip at all. This man was going to be the cause of a few more grey hairs and possibly pending cardiac arrest. Juan was leaned against the doorway with a finesse Fillip hadn't seen in a long time, the boy knew he looked good. His confidence made Fillip feel good, his lad wasn't broken, he was strong, and sure.

"Like whatcha see Fillip?" He smiled his trademark smile, moving his hands to his belt, sliding it from the loops.

Fillip nodded his brain trying to catch up with what was happening. Who the fuck was this? He didn't know where his timid lad had gone hit he didn't hate aggressive Juan that's for sure. "Aye. Wha's gotten into ye lad?" He teased with a smirk.

Juice crossed the room, stunning Fillip as he pinned him against the refrigerator, one hand on either side of his head. "I want to play... now... daddy."

Juices voice was a low growl Fillip had never heard from him. Not even when he'd heard him teasing female company. The blood was rapidly relocating from his brain to his cock. The words had not been a request but a command, and the thought amused Fillip. The fact that he was making commands, yet obviously aware of the affect of the words on his partner. He had chosen his words deliberately.

Fillip weighed the options, give the lad a good fuck, which he's obviously looking for. Or he could dominate, let the lad know who was in charge in this house. Fillip was not the submissive party, Juan would submit, that was the conclusion he came too.

Juans mouth worked over Fillips neck, nipping and sucking. It had been a long time since he was touched like that, he didn't really want it to stop. Juan was distracting, but Fillips role meant he had to resist. He knew this was not in line with the original plan for them sexually, but so be it. He was ready, Juan was ready, they were both eager. He wasn't going to deny his boy again as he had in the past. They were well beyond that now.

Juan's hands moved over his body, slowly rubbing his hardened cock. When he chuckled defiantly at that discovery Fillip mustered his strength to resist.

He put his hands between them, gently pushing Juan away from him. He heard the annoyed grunt, but ignored it and chose to speak.

"Juan. Kneel, now." He wasn't sure how he managed to sound at all unaffected, his cock was being a bigger brat that Juan. He didn't even whine, his pupils were blown out, he shuddered at the command and simply dropped to his knees. Tension leaving his body, he was obviously relieved to not have to maintain control of the situation, Fillip had learned to read him over the years of friendship and many of those things translated now.

"That was quite the display ye put on there."

Juan cast his eyes down immediately, shame starting to rise inside him.

"Tut tut tut... -Fillip clicked his tongue- look at me Juan. No apologies, I quite liked it. Yer so possessive and it turns me on. However, who's in charge here?" He put his arms behind his back, his stance becoming militant. He saw the way Juan responded, Fillip took it as a good sign.

Juan's posture was perfect, back straight, legs folded under him, hands resting on his thighs. He posture was not only submissive it radiated his pride in his dominant, the affect he'd had on him.

"You sir." He spoke clearly, confidently. Fillip saw him fighting back a smile.

"Ye sure yer ready for this?" He softened his voice a touch, but maintained his stance.

Juan replied enthusiastically.

"Yes sir." He looked up at Fillip making eye contact. He wanted him to know how sure he really was.

Fillip nodded.

"This isn't a game, ye understand? Still want everything we've discussed?"

Now Juan was smiling at him. "I know sir. I want this, all of it. I want you. I want to be yours. Please?" It was a request yes, but it was sure. Probably the most sure Juice had been about anything in a long time. It made Fillips chest warm with pride, and genuine happiness that his boy was doing well. He worried about him so often.

Fillip didn't keep his smile at bay, he smiled warmly but kept his voice steady.

"I wan ye to go into the bedroom, take the rest of yer clothes off, kneel by the bed, wait for me. I'll be there in a moment."

Juan didn't move at first, his heart was pounding, this was exactly what he wanted. Why was he nervous? He knew how to kneel, he knew the position to be in, he knew he wanted to be with Fillip in this way, but his body wouldn't move.

"Juan?" Juan met his eyes. Fillip arched a brow at him, reading his posture, he was still solid, but wrapped in his thoughts. "I'm waiting." He warned. Juan shook his head muttering an apology he stood from where he was on the floor.

He practically ran down the hallway towards the bedroom, accomplishing his task as quickly as possible. He knelt by the foot of the bed and calmed his breathing.

Fillip rested against the counter, finishing his beer. He chuckled to himself as he planned out the rest of the nights events. They wouldn't do anything hard core for their first time together, but Fillip would make sure to make his point about being in charge. First however they needed showers, then he needed to check in. Make sure Juan was in a good place, make sure they were both comfortable with whatever was going to happen. He intended to make love to his partner not fuck him, not this time, but if the former became the latter in process then so be it. He just needed to see what exactly Juan was expecting.

That would be some more embarrassing if he went in there prepared to get his dick wet and Juan wasn't quite there yet. He also wanted it to just happen, to just be plain vanilla sex, loving, slow, connected. Once he got them past this settling of roles, he'd make sure it was clear they were just Fillip and Juan, not Sir, Daddy, Juan Carlos, or baby boy. No roles, sure it sounded cheesy and stupid even to Chibs own mind and he'd never admit to his brothers he wanted it this way, but Juice deserved to be loved. They both did, and he was going to give Juan everything he needed plus a little more.

Plus there was still that little issue of the STI tests they needed to have done. Fillip picked up his cut checking for condoms, sighing in relief when he pulled one out. Condoms were a must until those tests were done. Especially after his naughty night out with Opie, which he still fully intended to address. His lad did enjoy playful spankings and he was quite deserving of a reddened bottom to go with his hardened cock.

Thinking about the state his lad would be in bad Fillip tossing the bottle into the bin haphazardly and rushing down the hall. He had to stop at the door and take a breath to pull together his in control facade. He was pretty sure this was what love felt like.


	4. 4

Juan could hear footsteps in the hall, coming closer and closer to the door. He was trying to maintain position, while fighting the urge to throw himself at Fillip. After sitting and waiting his anxiety began to build, all the questions and doubt sat in his chest. He wanted Fillip to hold him, reassure him everything was as it was supposed to be. Chill bumps spread across his naked body, the room wasn't particularly cold but being on the floor, exposed somehow made it feel colder. Fillip has seen him naked before, many times even, but none of them were in the same context as now. Somehow he felt more naked than he was, as if everything including his mind and heart were sitting there waiting to be dissected.

Fillip knocked gently, mostly just to let him know he was there. He opened the door gently, not wanting to startle Juan. He was taken aback for a moment as his eyes found him.

Juan was beautiful, toned, his tattoos like perfect accents against his tanned skin. A part of Fillip felt like he was seeing him for the first time, and in a way he was. He was perfectly submissive, hands loosely behind his back, not distracting from his chest, his legs folded neatly beneath him, cock nestled gently between his thighs. The goosebumps highlighted the fact that he was cleanly shaven all over, smooth silky skin glistened against the soft light.He kept his back straight, his head up, though his eyes were cast downward. He looked proud, statuesque despite the demonstration of submission.

Juan could feel his eyes on him, he didn't look up even though he wanted too. Tig had told him how to wait, and he wanted Daddy to be proud of him. He really wished though he could see his face, he wanted to see his reaction. Had he done good? Did he like what he saw? Juan put a lot into his appearance, was boarding severe vanity, but he was proud of how he looked and took care of himself.

"Beautiful. How's it yer so perfect?" Fillip muttered mostly under his breath but Juan heard him. He snickered, and spoke before he could stop the words.

"Ain't got nothing better to do." He gasped at his own snippy comment.

Fillip bellowed a deep laugh. "I can find ye plenty to do lad, but I think yer efforts have been spent well so far."

Juan smiled with his entire body, a feat Fillip didn't think was possible. He lit up, looking up at Fillip he radiated happiness. A look Fillip rather liked on his boy.

Fillip stepped closer to him, watching his breath hitch, and the flush spread over his body. "Ye did good lad, waited just like I tol ye." He ran his fingers over his mohawk, basking in the way his boy leaned into the touch, practically vibrating from the praise.

"Thank you Daddy." Again his eyes met Fillips, the little nymph knew what he was going to the older man. Fillip smirked at him, taking a step back. Juan all but audibly whined at the loss of contact.

Fillip noted to himself, the typically timid, seemingly lost clumsy boy he'd grown to know over the years seemed to almost melt away completely. Replaced by a confident, teasing version of that boy whenever he was being remotely submissive to Fillip. This was more-so apparent now, this was the most demonstrated they'd been within their roles and Juan seemed to be thriving from it. The very concept had Fillip so turned on he had to remind himself of the situation. Being in charge, being the dominant he had to meet his boys needs before worrying about his own.

"We're going to shower- he raised a brow and smiled as he continued- properly shower Juan." His voice held a teasing warning. Juan pouted but only for a second before grinning again.

"Then we will handle these marks ye acquired. What do ye think should be done about this?"

Juan flushed even darker, he hadn't expected the question. He knew what he wanted, but Fillip had said he wouldn't just punish him to punish him. He did say they could try playful spankings, so maybe?

"Um... I uh..." he couldn't make himself say the words.

"Juan, I want ye to tell me." Making Juan tell him things accomplished more than one goal. One, Fillip just liked to hear him ask for things, but two he hoped he would gain more trust in himself and ask for what he needs and wants. He needed to trust he deserved these things, and that he he deserved Fillip. He deserved love, even if this wasn't a conventional way of showing it, it was love and it worked for them.

"I should be... spanked." He trailed off mumbling at the end.

"Wha?" He placed his fingers under his chin tilting his face up to meet his eyes. "Tell me now, I want to see your pretty eyes."

Again Juan preened at the praise, becoming more solid.

"I should be spanked. Please?" He spoke clearly, and lustfully.

"Aye, ye should be. Ye will be. Then I'm going to hold ye, and praise ye till ye can't stand it anymore." He was teasing now causing a shudder to ripple through Juan. His cock was no longer flaccid against his legs, but becoming more interested in the conversation.

"Stand up my sweet lad. Get the circulation flowing through yer legs again. I'll go get the shower started. Grab two towels for us from the closet?"

Juan nodded and stood, watching as Fillip walked into the connecting bathroom. He rubbed his legs a little trying to get the pins and needles to stop before they got annoying. Once he'd gotten his feet comfortable again he grabbed the towels and walked into the bathroom.

"Here Daddy." He held them out in offering, smiling like he'd just won a prize.

"Thas a good boy. Thank ye lad, sit them down on the shelf. Waters hot, ye can go ahead and step in." He sat the towels down and walked over to Fillip beside the shower. Fillip held his hand out, inwardly thrilled when Juan took it so he could help him into the shower.

"I'll join ye in just a minute, get toasty in the water." He spoke as he started undressing. Coming home was the best feeling in the world, having someone like Juan to come home too though, made him never want to leave again. This thing they'd started was growing more and more everyday and now that they were together again it was taking off like a rocket. Fillip was going to do everything in his power to keep that ship in orbit.


	5. 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daddy and Juan get their shower, and a full dose of emotions. Also some Juan backstory...

Juan really wasn't sure why letting Fillip clean his body wasn't more awkward. On a superficial level he knew it was weird, his brothers would give him hell if they knew. This wasn't the first time Fillip had bathed him, however the other time he'd started out disconnecting from the situation. He'd been in this little space as they were calling it. Which was a point he'd thought about talking to Fillip about. He didn't know if _little space _was the right thing to call it.

He didn't feel like a child, he felt more like... free. To just do whatever seemed like a good idea at the time. He felt safe to unwind, no stress, he just let go. He could play with toys that he just liked because he wanted too, he could cuddle because it felt good, watch stupid kid movies because they were funny. Stuff he felt rather certain guys that weren't members of a gang could do. He was a total nerd, always had been. When he was with Fillip, he felt safe enough to just be himself.

Then there was that aspect of speech. He didn't know why he couldn't talk much. Except he knew that his voice, he had a mans voice, it would ruin the illusion. He didn't want to hear himself, when he did talk he used kids language. That made him feel a certain way he couldn't quite name yet. _Innocent_ wasn't the right word. He knew he was far from innocent. _Submissive_ wasn't right either, he was submissive to Fillip naturally. In ways he wasn't even sure Fillip figured out yet. He always had been, this lifestyle was just a bonus element. Regressing as Fillip had called it, in a way he felt like he got a do-over. Maybe the world had a technical term for it, this little space but Juan just didn't think that term fit.

He had a Daddy kink so big it could cover Texas on the map if it were landscape. He did know that, he'd always known that. His few nights in the clubs confirmed it, but he'd always been attracted to those types. A twisted part of him liked it when girls had called him that in the past. He tried so hard to make that his thing, like it was just them saying it that turned him on. However the urge to be the one saying it kept getting stronger and stronger. He'd never had a real daddy, not in the literal way nor the kinky way. He'd talked to a few here and there, mostly online, or he'd met them one night in the club. It was never what he was looking for.

O'Neal had been his first, what a joke that was. He was a pimp, not a daddy. Even though he wanted Juan to call him that, it didn't long for Juan to realize that something wasn't right. He was still convinced that was what kept him alive. O'Neal didn't care about his well being, just getting paid, laid, and high. He was always ready to dole out punishments. He had a punishment for everything, no was never an option. Thing with O'Neal was though, he didn't spank, he put out cigarettes on skin, he dripped boiling water onto palms, he used Icy Hot on Juan's most sensitive parts. No, he wasn't a daddy, not a real one, he was a grade A abusive asshole. O'Neal never held him after, not even after sex, he would have never bathed him so gently, like Fillip did now.

A part of Juan hated himself for thinking of the man at all. It had been years, he'd escaped, he'd started over completely and no one even knew about his past. Cept that cop, who knew his dad was black, who knew what else he might know.

He wondered why in times like this when his thoughts would drift around why he couldn't think of the fun nights. The nights at the club that were a one off each time with a new guy. He'd never done anything hard core, just flirted, let the older men call him baby boy and he would respond in kind. They bought him drinks, sat him on their knees. One man on one occasion ran off another man, a known predator to new boys. Juan didn't know that, but people talk, and shortly after the Daddy that night made a point of telling the man that _Carlos_ was his little boy for the night, and would have no interest in him, talk had spread back to Juan quickly about why he should avoid the man. Those times were fun, even when he got spanked. He'd do something mildly bratty to start a scene with someone, given the environment it was obvious what would happen and he was never disappointed. They were never sexual, just spankings, in various positions, he'd always go home and beat off. Some of the Daddy's he'd been attracted too, some he hadn't but each one fulfilled a need for a moment.

The guys online were just people to flirt with, he could be anyone he wanted to be online. That was another world and frankly it didn't count as far as he was concerned. Even still he wondered why he couldn't think about any of those times instead of thinking about O'Neal. More so why couldn't he get his head together and just focus on Daddy's hands on his body.

They felt good, soft despite the rough callouses. He was warm, loving, his big hands explored all of Juan as he moved them over his body. He was kneeling in front of Juan and somehow he didn't look submissive at all, Juan envied him for a second. Then he considered the position and how easily he could grind his dick on his face. Daddy said a proper shower though and he didn't need any more reason to be punished. Not really punished anyway.

Fillips face was serious as he rubbed the sponge over Juan's body. Brow crinkled, sucking on his cheek the way he does when he is deep in thought. Juan thought it was cute, his contemplative expression always made him do a double take. His scars weren't as noticeable anymore but Juan knew where they were, he could trace them blind. They were a part of Fillip he admired, he couldn't imagine him without them really. When he'd first met him they'd made him intimidating, but now they just accentuated his laughter, highlighted his smile, proof of a life a lifetime ago, yet they enhanced his life now. Juan knew it was something Fillip was a little self conscience about, but mostly he'd come to just accept.

He reached his hand out and cupped Fillips jaw, his thumb stroked the scar on the left side. He hadn't meant to do it, hadn't been able to stop himself quick enough. He froze when Fillips breath caught, and his eyes gazed up at him.

"I like em daddy." He wanted to kick himself because the words fell out of his mouth before he could stop them too. He was batting a thousand and missing every ball. A tear, one tear came down Fillips face and Juan felt panic rise in his chest, he was frozen he couldn't move, he couldn't stop touching him, he couldn't even breathe. Of course he'd make him cry, only he could make Fillip cry. This wasn't the first time he'd done that either but dammit why did he have to it now?

Fillip nuzzled his hand before turning his face to kiss his palm. "Thank ye lad. I know ye mean it."

Juan blinked in confusion, why wasn't Fillip pissed at him? His anxiety settled a little. "I think your perfect Fillip. All of you, and these, id miss them if they were gone. I'm not good at explaining myself. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything about it. I know you don't like them." He moved his hand as if he'd suddenly realized Fillips face was on fire. Fillip dropped the sponge and grabbed his wrists, pulling both of his hands to his face. He cupped his hands over Juan's holding them against his scarred cheeks.

"Don apologize. Mos people try to pretend they don't see em. I know they do, they always look. Yer the first one thas tol me they liked em wit a pure heart. Some lasses'll be into em because they add to my _bad boy appeal -_he mocked_\- _but most of em pretend they ain't there. Or they compliment em like I need em too." He stood up from the floor, because for one, his knees were starting to protest but also he wanted to look Juan in the eye.

"The way ye look at me lad, ye make me feel like a super hero, a bloke on GQ top 100 sexy men. Ye've never been good at hidin yer face lad, an I don want ye too start. Ye make me feel perfect, and I can't help but wonder what someone like ye would see in me. Ye could and have gotten anyone ye wanted, ye know what ye look like." He chuckled a little when Juan smirked at him like the cocky bastard he was sometimes.

"That's not true Daddy." His stomach flipped every time he said the word. Every time he said it to Fillip, he had a Daddy kink for sure, he really had a Fillip kink.

Fillip cupped Juan's chin, letting thenother mans hands fall to his sides. "Why do ye say tha lad?"

Juan moved a step closer and wrapped his arms around Fillips body, pulling himself close enough for their chests to touch. The water from the shower pounding down on them made their skin glisten in a way that only displayed their muscles, curves and various other features that were only theirs even more.

"Because until now, it never got me you ." He knew it was cheesy, but he had to say it. Fillip spent so much time building up everyone else, especially Juan, it didn't seem fair to not give him the same. Especially when he fucking meant it, with every fiber of his being.

Their lips met, not heated, but softly. Fillips hands moved to Juan's waist holding him close to him as well. They stood their wrapped up in each other's embrace for a moment longer as the water started to run colder. "Daddy?"

"Mmmm lad?"

"Can we get out now? You owe me a spanking and some other stuff." He looked up grinning that perfect smile, the one that took over his whole body.

"Some other stuff ye say?" Fillip teased winking at him, moving to turn off the water. The flush that took over Juan's body was obvious even with the water reddened flesh. "Aye, lets get out and dry off then."

Yep, Fillip had it bad. This new plan with the Sons was going to have set in motion. If they didn't turn legit he was getting Juan out. There wasn't much more left for himself to take on, but Juan could have a future, and preferably one that wasn't more likely to get him killed. The thought alone was enough to make Fillip shudder, thankful for the chill of being out of the warm shower to mask the shiver.


	6. 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This has been several chapters focusing on the same night. Sorry guys, still no smut in this one but it's coming!

Taking Juan over his knee this time was different. He wasn't actually being punished for any other reason than he needed to make amends. The nymph that he was also found some fun with it. His little sounds being more like moans than groans, his body was liquid atop the lap, no tension at all. Fillip put a barrier pillow between them, just to make it feel a little more like a punishment, really all it did was too tease Juan more by not giving the friction he wanted.He couldn't feel if Juan was hard or not, but the way his legs kept widening, snapping closed arching his backside upward before going all loose again was evidence enough. There were no tears this time, that wasn't needed, just the burn of his well reddened skin reminding him who was in charge. Who he belonged too, not as if he were property but he'd freely given himself over to Fillip, he belonged to him.

"Ye think ye've learned yer lesson lad?" He rubbed the hot skin savoring it. He'd not been much for playful spanking, he didn't want to cause pain to his lovers, this was different, he had enjoyed it almost as much Juan did.

Juan was filling a little bratty, he wiggled on his lap. "Not yet Daddy. Think I need some more." He but his lip and smirked. Fillip could tell by the way his ears moved and his cheeks widened that he was smiling. He rubbed his fingers closer to the cleft of his ass biting his own cheek as Juans body followed the movement.

"Aye?" He questioned grabbing him firmly on one side, exposing his hole. Juan gasped at the sudden exposure but he nodded.

His other hand came down firm on his other cheek, Juan rocked into it. He let go briefly, presenting a finger to Juan's lips prompting him to take it into his mouth. Fillips inside felt like they were burning at the sensation. If Juan could suck on his finger this well, he could only imagine what he could do with a cock. Once the finger was good and wet he pulled it from his mouth.

His other hand came down again before pulling him open again. He let his finger trail over the space of his crack, gently tracing over his hole.

"Ye still need more or ye think yer gonna be a good lad?" He made circles around the tight muscle. Juan was panting, fists clenching and opening in front of him.

"I'll be good Daddy. I'll be good." He practically whined when Fillip applied just a slight amount of pressure.

"I'm not so sure ye have learned anything at all. Why did you get a spanking?" His voice was stern but still lilted with play.

Juan moaned through his teeth in anticipation as Fillips finger barely breeched his opening.

"Um... I uh... I was naughty when I went out with Opie."

"Aye ye were. Ye won do tha again though will ye?" He shook his head no, hips jerking around trying to get Fillip to push into him.

"Good lad. I'm going to let you get comfy on the bed here for a minute, I need to grab a few things. I think a few moments by yerself will do ye some good."

Juan whined loudly when the finger and hands were gone. Fillip slid him over into the bed, a look of warning that Juan didn't need words for. He tucked the covers around him and kissed his forehead.

"Ye wan yer frog while I'm gone?"

"Yes please." His big eyes looking at Fillip with nothing short of adoration and want.

"Ye warm enough, don wan any clothes?" He stood at the foot of the bed now, leaning over to hand him his frog.

"You'd just have to take em back off." He chided.

Fillip chuckled and nodded. "Yer a mouthy lil thing huh?"

Juan nodded again, clutching Frog close to him.

"Try not to go into little space lad. Remember wha I tol ye about tha? I'll just be gone a minute okay."

"I know Daddy. I'm not small, I promise." He peaked under the covers and made big eyes smirking at Fillip. "None of me is currently small."

Fillip gently smacked his foot and rolled his eyes. "Ye brat." He turned and walked into the hallway. He had lube and other things in his pack, he'd picked it up before he got locked up. He had meant to run it up to the house and hadn't had the time so it was still there. He'd already taken the condoms he had into the room, but he wanted the lube as extra defense against pain for the lad. He also wanted him to have a moment alone to collect himself, let his lust simmer down a little bit so he could make a healthy decision about where this was going to go. It was Fillips job to make sure he made good choices and acting solely on a bodily need wasn't always the best choice.

Inside he felt like he was still on fire, he couldn't remember feeling this way about anyone since Fiona. He really hoped that after Juan had a minute to think he still wanted to have sex with him, Fillip would be lying if he said he wouldn't be a little disappointed if the lad said no. Though he would respect it and they'd go from there.

He made his way back into the room lube in hand. "Hop up lad. Don wan ye falling asleep on me." He crawled up on to the bed, laying himself beside Juan. He peppered kisses over the top of his head, tracing his mohawk.

"Ye still sure about this?" He spoke quietly, arms pulling Juan into a cuddly hug.

"Yes. Please, Fillip. I've been waiting and waiting." He tilted his head just so, capturing Fillips lips on his own. One arm wrapped around his dominant partner, and pulled him over on top of him. The grin on his face was worth the little display of command he'd just had, Fillip was mesmerized by his smile. Juan tossed Frog from the bed, whispering an apology to the stuffed creature before letting his fingers trace the scars along Fillips face again, locking his eyes with his own. Fillip nuzzled into the touch before dipping his head and pressing their lips together in a deep kiss.

The covers over Juan's body and Fillips suddenly too thick clothes were the only things separating them and they hastily remedying the situation. Both of their hearts were pounding in sync, as their hands roamed each other, kisses becoming heated, bodies pressing together. Fillip felt like he could do this all day with Juan, but currently there were more pressing matters.


	7. 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fillip doesn't fuck... he makes love. Juan has never really ever experienced this with anyone. He doesn't hate it.

"Turn over for me lad." Juice shifted around until he was laying on his belly. Fillip was gentle in his touches, savoring them as if they'd be taken away. Effortlessly they'd made the transition from their roles to just two lovers, despite the delicate care one showed for the other.

Juan rocked back trying to feel more of Fillips fingers pressing against his skin. His face was buried in the pillow, his hands clenched the sheets, his hips were up off the bed, knees bent beneath him. When Fillips finger finally pressed into him he felt like he was going to completely unravel like a spindle of thread. Fillip worked his finger in and out slowly, his free hand petting Juan's body wherever he could reach. His palm lingered on the still pink flesh of his ass.

It had been a long time since Juan had been touched like this. A very long time, even still in his past it had never felt like this, like he was in the middle of an all consuming fire. The sting still ringing from his spanking was doing a great job distracting from any discomfort as Fillips slowly stretched him open. Juan being the impatient brat that he could be kept trying to speed the process up, all of his attempts just garnered a chuckle from Fillip. He let out a huff of frustration at being denied.

"But please! Im going crazy." He whined out, in a moan as Fillips fingers slid back in.

"I'm going to take care of ye Juan. Ye have to be patient. Don wanne hurt ye."

Juan dropped his head back onto the pillow, sweat was beading on his forehead, his cock was heavy between his legs he was fighting the urge to grab it.

"You're not gong to hurt me. I'm ready, come on!" He knew begging was unbecoming and he would be ashamed of the way he sounded right now if anyone other than Fillip were hearing him. His arms were shaking from holding back, he literally felt like his cock would explode if something didn't happen. As if Fillip read his mind, he reached beneath him and gripped him.

Juan almost collapsed from the sensation, as Fillips hand made slow strokes over his cock, three fingers now working in and out of him.

"Shit! Goddammit Fillip..." he stuttered out the words, he didnt want to cum this fast but his body was burning in a way that meant it was pending. Just before the coils inside of him snapped Fillip let go, fingers withdrawing.

"Not ready to be done wit ye lad. Tol ye to be patient." Fillip chided playfully. Juan looked over his shoulder, his face was red, eyes big in what looked like panic. Fillip couldn't help the bellow of laughter that came from him.

"I don't know what's worse, you taking your time to drive me insane or stopping said action right before I cum." Juan snapped but he was smiling. Fillip was driving him insane, he'd never wanted anything as badly as he wanted this right now. Every fiber of his being was lit up with need, he was almost over stimulated.

Fillip, Juan couldn't figure out how, but he knew exactly what Juan needed, more so than he knew himself. He knew what he wanted, but despite Fillips insistence on the drawn out prep, he knew this was better. If they just rushed and went into it, yeah he'd have came already, but it wouldn't have been satisfying. Fillip took his time, touched him in ways he hadn't been touched in a long time. To be possessed fully by someone, worshipped in a way was a foreign concept. He wasn't the one down on his knees pleasing Fillip, catering to his every whim, like he anticipated things might be in this sort of relationship.

No, instead Fillip had made them wait, till he knew they were both in a good place for it. Fillip didn't just take what he wanted, he was making sure Juan was getting everything he needed out of this. Even though they'd talked before hand about their first time, how it was important to Fillip that it just be them, two regular guys, in love, having sex, and not some role play scene, Fillip was still in control. Juan needed that control, that guidance, his cocks protests were muffled by the sting, the trust, the freedom he had to just let go. He wasn't being fucked, ridden, and used, having some fast forceful orgasm that would be mediocre with residual pain. Fillips movements were calculated, they served a purpose and Juan was pretty sure he was getting off on the way he was writhing and begging beneath him. Juan knew this time wasn't the time, but the incessant brat within him wanted what he wanted, and he was craving the burn of a new smack, a little roughness.

Fillip put the puzzle together meticulously like he always did, Juan was buzzing. Fillips fingers were no longer working inside of him, his hands instead were scratching his skin lightly all over, keeping him alert to where his hands were.

"Lay down lovey. I wan to see yer face."

Juan blushed, but he laid down. He typically didn't even fuck women face to face. The girl at the bar was different, she was against the wall, but he'd avoided making eye contact. It wasn't that he didn't want that intimacy with someone, it's that no one mattered that much before. He wanted to see Fillip, the fact that Fillip was treating him like a person and not some quick lay was almost too much for his brain to comprehend. He was momentarily worried he'd make a dumb face, what did his o face look like? Was Fillip going to like it?

Before his head could spin out of control he felt Fillips hand against his face. He nuzzled it subconsciously and relaxed a little, big eyes looking up at Fillip. Fillip felt like he'd been punched in the gut, his breath was knocked out of him when he looked at Juan this way. His beautiful body laid out on their bed, his legs sprawled making room for Fillip between them, his tan lines from where his clothes sat were too much. No one else would ever see his lover so vulnerable, so perfect, so desperate, if he had his way.

"Remember when I said I was gonna hold ye and praise ye till you couldn't stand it anymore?"

Juan's breath hitched, he moved his arms to fold them over his chest as he looked at him skeptically. His body had calmed down considerably in the moments Fillip had taken. Juan realized that he'd done that on purpose, he was grateful.

"Yeeess." He squinted at him questioningly.

Fillip smirked, he trailed his finger tips over Juan's chest, down his stomach and back up repeating.

"Yer so perfect Juan."

Juan's face heated more, his cock started refilling from Fillips ministrations, and voice. He knew laying like this Fillip could see the full effect he was having, he was laid bare.

"Yer smart, yer funny, yer hot." His hands came to rest on Juan's thighs. He was grinning down at him, hair hanging down in his face, his scars accented his smile in a way Juan loved.

"Stop it." Juan giggled but tried to sound annoyed and hide his face.

Fillips hands traced his sides, coming down over his chest again, letting his nails lightly ghost over his nipples. Juan wiggled at the touches, biting his lip and canting his hips when his nipples were stroked.

"Ye like tha? When I touch ye here?" He grinned again, circling his nipples slowly, watching Juan's response.

He pinched them softly, just enough to be noticed, and Juan arched into it.

"Sens-sensitive." He moaned his words, his body still rolling with the sensation of Fillips fingers rolling the buds tightly between them. The little sounds that escaped him should have been embarrassing but at the moment he didn't even care. Wet heat engulfed his left nipple, finger still working the other, he shuddered at the new feeling, the heat from Fillips body burning through his core.

Fillip rose up with a soft popping sound warning a disappointed whine. Fillips arms braced on either side of Juan's head, eyes locked, Juan's heart started to pound, his arms wrapping around Fillips neck to pull him into a kiss. His mind was going wild, he knew this was it, he could smell the latex from the condom, he'd apparently been efficiently distracted when Fillip had worked it onto himself. 

The bed shifted as Fillips body relaxed and lay on top of him more, accommodating the depth of their kisses, adding the heat between them. Juans body felt like jello, he had never let his guard this far. He typically maintained some form of control in sexual situations but now he was nothing but putty in Fillips hands. His body was lax, instinctively following Fillip as his legs were guided around his waist. He didn't realize he'd stopped breathing when he felt the hard tip of Fillips cock pressing against him until Fillip spoke.

Fillips expression held more love than Juan ever felt like he'd deserved. He felt his heart clench, his eyes stung with tears, from the sudden rush of emotion.

"Breathe lovey. Ye okay?" He cradled his head in one arm, holding his thigh with the other. Juan nodded, if he spoke he'd lose it. Fillip stroked his cheek for a minute, pressing their lips together. The kiss wasn't heated this time, it was soft and slow. As he pulled back from the kiss, he met Juan's eyes, holding his gaze, he pressed into him slowly.

Juan hissed at the stretch as he was stretched to accommodate Fillip, they moved gently but not slowly as he slid into the hilt. He'd been so hasty and frustrated before from the tedious prep work Fillip had made him go through but now he was thankful for it. It was a different burn than the burn of a fresh spanking, intense and localized, tears pricked his eyes, and he sucked in breath holding it. Without the preparation, it would have been worse, and he knew it. Fillip held his breath unable to move for a moment as he collected himself adjusting to the tight heat engulfing him. He watched Juan's face, kissing him slowly as they remained still, connected, fully being together. A new feeling crept over Juan, like he could physically feel the shift between them. Who they once were they'd never be again, now this thing they were was fully taking over. He nodded to let him know he was okay, silently giving him permission to move.

Their bodies moved together slowly at first, Juan grunted out of necessity to breathe more than pleasure. Fillip pulled himself up, bending his knees underneath him, his fingers held Juan's hips, keeping him angled as he pushed into him a little harder. The sensation changed quickly from awkward, full, and slightly uncomfortable to full and pleasurable. The quicker pace and the new angle gave less resistance and less time to think about the weirdness of it all. A sheen of sweat glistened over them both, an occasional Gaelic word would slip from Fillip as he let desire take over.

Juan's eyes widened and his inhaled so deeply he almost choked. "Oh god! Do that... just like that!!!!" A string of "fucks" blabbered out of him as Fillip fulfilled his request.

"Ye look so good like this... though' ye were perfect 'fore..." he was mumbling mostly under his breath, but loud enough that Juan could hear him. The words and the motions caused Juan's cock to make himself more known, twitching. Juan moved one hand to touch himself, his hand was lightly swatted away as Fillip gripped him firmly. Juan arched up off of the bed, his body overstimulated, he wrapped his arms around Fillips neck holding himself upward onto Fillips lap, his arms responding in kind. A few more thrusts and he collapsed against Fillip, held up only by the other mans arms around him. He let out quiet whimpers, as his body shook from his orgasm, it was intense like something he'd never experienced before. Fillip held him tightly as he rode out his orgasm into his own, pressing kisses on his sweat slicked neck as they rocked together.

They stayed that way, catching their breath until Fillip had to move them. "Lovey, I'm gonna lay us down alrigh'." Juan nodded, and let himself be guided down to the bed. Fillip slipped out of him as they arranged together on the bed, he tossed the condom over into the waste basket before curling his body around Juan's. They were both in a delicious haze of after glow, enjoying just laying together, having this moment to themselves. Juan didn't even care that he was sweaty, sticky with his own cum, and lube, he just snuggled down into the bed, pressed against Fillip, eyes growing heavy. The sound of their breathing lulling them both to sleep.


	8. 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a little fun between the two.

Fillip woke up sticky and stiff all over. His arm was numb from the shoulder down where Juan's head lay on it, and his hips were angled in what felt like an unnatural position. Juan however looked to be comfortably nestled against him, his body perfectly following the contours of Fillips. 

Fillip tried to carefully inch his way out of the position and at least stretch out, but he ended up rousing his bed mate.   
"Is okay, Juan, I just have to stretch out a bit."   
He whispered hoping he would go back to sleep. He had no idea what time it was, it was still dark outside, he was in desperate need of a shower, a smoke and a piss. As he stretched against the bed, body parts were creaking and popping as he shrugged off the stiffness, he felt every second of his age. 

He glanced over at the clock on the wall, it was 4:30 AM, he could accomplish his tasks, and get several more hours of sleep. He lay there watching Juan sleep while he let his muscles relax a little. He looked so peaceful sleeping there, nothing like he had earlier. Fillip thought about what they had done, how they'd cross that line and there was no going back. Not that he wanted too, but now it was completely off the table. He could see his face contorting in pleasure, the stifled sounds he made, he relished in the way it felt when he threw himself around him in what seemed to be an attempt to not fly away from pleasure. The way his body felt against his, how it felt to be inside him, Fillip took a deep breath at the thought. Juan had him, hook, line and sinker, his cock seemed to be awake now too. 

He stroked Juan's face gently, he didn't want to wake him, not really, not for sex. The lad did have more cum on him than Fillip and was dripping sweat though, stunning Fillip that he'd even gone to sleep without a shower. Just another boost to his ego, Fillip chuckled quietly as he watched him. 

"Juan, baby ye wan to take a shower? We can go back to sleep after." 

Juan grunted and scrunched up his face at the feeling of Fillips fingers ghosting over it. "Why?" He whined out annoyed. He never was one to wake up easily.

Fillip smiles and trailed his finger down his spine. Juan jerked and rolled over into his back huffing. 

"C'mon lad, les get cleaned up." His fingers walked down his ribs, then he flattened his hand and rubbed it over his belly and chest. 

Fillip watched for a moment as Juan's face relaxed again, soft breathing coming from his lips. He leaned down and pressed his lips to his collar bone, trailing over them, and then up his neck. Juan groaned but it was less annoyed sounding. Fillip saw the sides of his mouth flicker into an almost smile. He continued placing kisses all over his chest and neck, his hand rubbing all available flesh. 

"Fillllip!" Juan whined, trying to hide himself with his hands. "I'm sleeping." He made an exaggerated crying noise. 

Fillip his brow grinning as he looked over his body, seeing Juan's cock responding to him.

"Don look like yer sleep lad." He teased, sitting up on the edge of the bed to better trail his hand down to rest over the bulge in the covers. The thin sheet was the only thing covering their bodies, but Fillip wasn't quite yet comfortable with just shoving his hand under the sheet and grabbing hold while his lover wasn't fully conscious, maybe another time, but not yet. He just rested his hand there, gently cupping him, kissing his chest all around his nipples. Juan rolled his body trying to press against his hand more firmly but Fillip followed his movements. Finally Juan sighed in frustration at the denial and opened his eyes. 

"You're an ass Fillip." He crinkled his brow in a way Fillip found to be adorable even though he was sure it was supposed to be intimidating. Despite his attempt at anger the lad was fighting a smile, making Fillip laugh. 

"Now tha yer up, I'm gonna take a piss an have a smoke. Join me." He leaned over the side of the bed resting his elbows on his thighs, holding his face in his hands. 

Juan looked at him incredulously. "While you piss or while you smoke?" 

Fillip his his smile in his hands, shrugged purposeful ignoring the sarcasm in the others voice just to annoy him. "Whichever, both. Up to ye. We can shower together if ye wan." He sounded so casual and unphased Juan rolled his eyes. 

"Oi! Ye bratty fuc'er!" Fillip laughed, blocking his head with his arms as the pillow came down on him again and again. Finally he was able to snatch it, tossing it across the room, he grabbed hold of Juan and jerked him down, holding him tightly to his body.   
"Now wha are ye gonna do? Huh?" Juan wiggled and fought against Fillips arms holding him down. He was in an awkward position, back and lower body on the bed, head and shoulders leaned against Fillips side, arms pinned to his sides. He grunted and huffed trying to escape. Finally he stopped fighting, sighing in defeat. 

"Now then, like I said, I'm gonna piss and smoke. Then I'll get a shower. Join me in the shower?" He grinned triumphantly at a very disgruntled Juan. 

"I do need a shower, I'm fuckin gross." He scrunched his nose up, batting Fillip away as he licked a stripe over his salty neck humming as if he were delicious food.   
"I quite like ye like this, all fucked and dirty." He started kissing him all over his face purposely being obnoxious about it as Juan tried to wiggle away again.   
"Okay, okay fine...Old man." He taunted with a smirk. 

"Ol' man! Ol' Man!? I'll show ye Ol' Man!" He hauled Juan upward to his knees, holding him still tightly against him, kissing him deeply. Juan melted into the kiss, going lax against him, a moan escaping him. He pulled back just a tad, forehead resting against Juan's, he smiled a devious smile.   
"I'm yer fuckin' ol" man. Ye brat!" Slapping his naked ass playfully before darting from the bed leaving Juan teetering as the bed shifted and there was no body to support him upright anymore, his hands on his hips, mouth open in obvious offense. 

Fillip didn't try to stifle the laugh when shook his head walking into the bathroom. Everything with Juan was so natural, effortless, even now as they playfully fought with one another stark naked they were comfortable. It had been many years since Fillip that with anyone, he quite liked the sound of being Juan's Ol' Man. He decided to start the shower in lieu of a smoke. He could always smoke after, if things went they way he thought they were headed he was going to need it.   
"C'mon boyo, showers hot." He called, stepping into the shower he rested against the wall waiting for Juan to join him.


	9. 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a long chapter full of random domestic fluff and conversations.

The warm water came down onto them, their bodies embraced tightly, heavy breathing between them as they came down again. Fillip decided then, he could take to showering together more often if this was the outcome. He pressed his lips to Juan's forehead before moving away a little. Juan sighed at the loss but follower Fillips lead in grabbing his sponge.

"We can sleep in today ye know?" He grinned at the other man knowing it wouldn't be very late. Juan was typically an early riser if he wasn't intoxicated.

He rolled his eyes. "I'll try. I promise not to wake you up before nine. How's that?"

Fillip made a grunt, that was equally amusement and agreement. He looked Juan over quickly, then turned the water off.

"Les get us back in bed huh? Yer all clean and shiny again, lookin pretty as ever." Fillip was teasing but he saw Juan blush, covering himself with his towel.

"How's uh... how's everything feeling? Yer alrigh?" Fillip was concerned, he figured Juan had to at least be sore if not completely uncomfortable. He felt a slight dread for when the lad had to go to the bathroom. 

Juan pinked even more, discarding the towel into the hamper and walking from the room.

"I'm fine. Feels a little weird, sore-ish, but I'm not in any pain." He kept his back to Fillip as he pulled a clean t-shirt over his head. Fillip took this to mean this conversation was easier if he didn't have to look at him.

"Ye need anything to help with it?" He offered putting on his own pajamas. He noticed Juan hadn't put on pants but was crawling into the bed.

He put his hands behind his head, leaning back with a grin.

"Nah, I like the way it feels." He yanked the sheet up over him.

"Well." Fillip raised his brows smiling. "Guess I'm overdressed for the occasion." He crawled in beside Juan, pulling the other over to him so he could rest his head on his chest.

He scooted down, folding himself into a ball laying his head on his stomach now so he wasn't looking at Fillips face.

"Don't think I can go again yet." He spoke quietly almost as if he were worried.

Fillips large hands rubbed over his back gently, comfortingly.

"Aye lad. Tha's okay." He bent down to kiss his nape.

"Just don't want to disappoint you." He sighed nuzzling into his belly.

"I would only be disappointed in ye for not telling me if ye weren't up to it. I love ye so much Juan."

He lazily scratches his fingers over his neck and back, soaking in the moment. Finally after a few minutes, he was sure the other was almost asleep he shifted.

"C'mon lad, less get comfortable. Few more 'ours a sleep'll do us good." He yawned as he settled back down into the comfortably beside his lover.

Fillip opened his eyes in response the feeling of kisses being pressed to his belly and chest. Juan was still snuggled up resting on his chest, his fingers toying with the hair over Fillips chest. Fillip stayed still, pretending not to be awake as he watched Juan.

His fingers walked over the spance of his chest occasionally twisting mindlessly in the hair, then he'd kiss him. Fillip liked him like this, just doing what felt right, not over thinking everything. After a few minutes he decided to give into to lads attempts. He rubbed his hand over his back gently.

Juan moved his head so he could look at him, smiling.

"Morning." He rolled his body over so he was facing Fillip, still leaving his head on his chest. Fillip kisses his forehead.

"Mornin' lad. Ye sleep good?" He stretched beneath his body, bones popping in the process. Juan nodded, raising to kiss his neck and face. Fillip let out a low chuckle, letting him have his way with his face. Juan stopped eventually, smiling at him again.

"Want me to make us some breakfast?"

They both sat up, looking at the clock, both scoffing. "Well lunch I guess?" Juan joked.

"Let's go get our teeth brushed an' put some clothes on. Can't stand my mouth feelin' gross, nor stayin' in my pjs all day." Juan followed. Fillip hadn't used a particularly stern voice, just his regular tone but something about the suggestion that wasn't a suggestion but not a command, stirred that thing inside of him.

Soon they were brushed and freshly dressed, heading to the kitchen. Fillip noticed a slight change in him as they went through the morning routine but nothing worth noting yet.

"So whatche decide brekki or lunch?" Fillip asked as he opened the fridge to look over their options.

Juan shrugged indifferently, reaching through Fillips arms for the juice.

He poured himself a big glass, Fillip watched as he concentrated more than he would need too, filling the glass the very top. Fillip sighed to himself, not out of annoyance or negativity but simply trying to readjust his tentative plan for the day to now accommodate for the possibility of Juan Carlos.

He sat some vegetables on the island counter to cut up. Juan scrunched his nose, watching Fillip, he leaned over the counter sipping the juice from the rim of the glass to get it to a safe point to carry.

"Why'd ye make tha face? Ye bought these bloody things." Fillip laughed cutting them up.

"Yeah I know. Just not in the mood for em." He picked up the glass now, pulling out of the of the stools by the island.

"Oi yer gonne' eat em. I ain't eating this rabbit food alone lovey."

Juan rolled his eyes and huffed. The words he wanted to say were in his mouth but he couldn't get them out. So much time had passed and he felt timid about the situation. What if this isn't wasn't what Fillip wanted anymore? What if he liked the fairly normal aspect of this thing they were living right now?

"Somethin' on yer mind lad?" He dropped the vegetables in the sizzling pan on the stove.

Juan sighed. "Um. Is it still... can I still um... remember when we talked about all the things and..."

Fillip turned around resting his palms on the counter behind him. "Wha is it lad?" He looked confused.

Juan sighed again. "I can call you... you know... all the time" he mumbled.

Fillip was very confused, he knew what the lad was on about but he didn't know why. He'd called him Daddy since he'd been locked up, even since they'd been back.

"Aye lad, I did. Ye can call me anything' ye wan' here 'cept Chibs. Whas got ye all twisted up?" He pulled up beside him.

Juan shrugged his shoulders. "Just feels different. Worried I guess. That maybe you feel different."

"No love. I don feel different. Well I do feel differently since coming back, but not about tha'. I feel more drawn to ye now tha I'm back. I wan to be with ye all the time, probly more than is healthy."

Juan crinkled his brow again, Fillip got up to check the stir fry.

"What do you think about me patching out?"

Fillip nearly choked at the question. "Why would ye wan tha?"

Another shrug. "All this about going legit, that's good and all, but it's going to get ugly before it gets better. I'm not good at this, everyone knows it. The cops know it, they keep targeting me. I'd rather just work in cars, fix the computers, not have to worry about getting sent on a run without you and losing my head."

Fillip plated lunch and sat beside him.

"Aye but I feel like there's more than tha?"

Juan pushed the food around on his plate.

"Jax already knows about us. The others are going too. I don't want, I mean if they know about all this... I don't want to be weaker. What I am, they won't let that go. If I patch out, it won't matter what we do. I have a better shot of keeping my family."

Now Fillip sighed, he wasn't really sure what to say.

"Lad if ye wan to patch out, do it for the right reasons. I'll support ye, but don't do it just cause of this."

Juan nodded, actually putting a bite of food into his mouth. Fillip sensed he was finished with that conversation for the moment, he decided to let it go till another time.

"It's just us today ye know. What do ye wan' to do?"

"Just hang out? Don't want to go anywhere."

Fillip finished his plate, getting up to sit it in the sink. Juan was shoving food into his mouth quickly now, making Fillip laugh again.

"Lad I'm not gonna take it from ye. Slow down."

Juan laughed with his mouth full. Once he swallowed and was able to talk again he made a suggestion. "What if we watch something, one of those serial kill documentaries you like or something?" He put his plate in the sink and followed Fillip into the living room.

Fillip sank down into the couch expecting Juan to sit beside him, instead he sat on the floor between his knees, resting his head on his thigh. At first Fillip thought it was odd, he'd never done that before. Then he remembered he had trained with Tig. If he were feeling like demonstrating his submissiveness then this was on par with that. Fillip stroked his head in reward.

"Thas a good lad." He scratched his nails over his neck. Juan preened at the praise, nuzzling into his thigh a little more. "Thas wha ye wan yeah? To be my good lad?"

Juan nodded. "Yes sir." Fillip could feel the tension, a battle raging inside of his boy. He was submitting, because submitting was safe, the safer of the options anyway. For some reason he was all mixed up now. Thinking Fillip didn't want him all of what came with him, somehow that he only wanted him to be big, tough, and grown, regardless of his needs, or submission. He was edging little space and fighting like hell to keep it from creeping up into the surface. That's why he wanted to confirm what to call him, Fillip was going to have rebuild with the lad. Suck it out of him like a poison, until he was just comfortable being himself, however that was.

He clicked his tongue against his cheek before speaking. "Why don' ye use my name lad?" He said sternly. He felt the shudder ripple through his body.

"Fillip?" He answered timidly.

Fillip moved his hand from the boys neck, and shifted. "Juan Carlos, ye don' call me Fillip." He was stern but playful. Smiling down at Juan Carlos as he tilted his chin up to meet his eyes.

Juan sighed defeated, but relieved, Daddy wanted him, he could let go.

"Try again lad."

Big brown eyes looked shyly into Fillips. "Daddy."

"Ye wan to sit up here with me then? Snuggy a little?" Juan nodded, Fillip patted the couch beside him, but Juan Carlos had maneuvered his way into his lap, cuddling as close as he could.

"Lad ye know I wan' ye to be who ye need to be. I'm here for all of it. None of tha has changed. Okay?" Juan Carlos nodded.

"Juan Carlos." He peeped quietly. "Juan Carlos is small."

Fillip smiled, in his time away he'd come to miss this side of his partner. "Aye, he is small. He's silly, and sweet, he's Daddy's sweet lad. Why don we find something to do? Get ye out of this battling headspace?" Juan Carlos nodded.


	10. 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some time with Daddy and Juan Carlos.

Fillip laid out a shower curtain liner on the carpeted floor, he put down some paper, cups of water and some paints he'd found in his daughters things. He thought painting would be something Juan Carlos would enjoy, he was always doodling in his notebooks, the guy was fairly artistic. Juan Carlos sat scrunched up knees to chest on the couch watching Daddy with curious eyes as he set up everything. 

"C'mon lad. Sit down here with me." He motioned for him to come to the floor. Slowly he unraveled himself and made his way to the floor.   
"Gonna paint?" He whispered. 

"Aye, we're gonna paint. Whatever ye wan too. Ye draw really well, though' ye might enjoy gettin some of tha out." He smiles in the way that made his eyes crinkle, and Juan Carlos beam like headlights. He leaned over and kissed Daddy on the cheek.   
"Thank ye lad." 

Fillip was no artist, but he could put some color on the paper, enough to make it seem like he wasn't just fascinated watching his boy. Juan Carlos looked at the blank papers and the plates of colors intensely. Then he thought, his grown up brain intruded anyway, if he felt small, did that mean everything had to be small? Did he have to scribble or could he actually paint.   
"Daddy?" He finally looked up as if he'd given up on trying to figure out what to do." 

"Yeah buddy?" 

Juan Carlos scooted over to sit beside Fillip, leaning up to whisper in his ear. "If I'm little, do I have to do a bad job?" 

Fillip chuckled rubbing his back. "No lad. Ye can do this however ye wan to do it. 'Member, we make our own rules." Juan Carlos nodded with much more enthusiasm, scooting back over to his paper. 

"Can I have a pencil? Want to draw it first." Fillip nodded, that wasn't a bad idea. He slowly got himself up from the floor, knees cracking making him momentarily regret getting down there in the first place. 

"You have creaky legs." He giggled. 

Fillip pretended to be offended. "Aye! Ye get to be an Ol' man like me ye creak."   
He giggled more, making Fillip warm inside. Juice, Juan, whomever had been through so much, in recent history he'd been having a rough time. Seeing his smile like this was becoming a rare sight. Fillip would do anything to see it, if the boy needed to patch out, get that stress off him he'd support it. 

Fillip walked back down the hall to rummage for a pencil, he passed their bedroom he saw his frog laying discarded on the floor where he'd been thrown the night before. He went and picked it up, tucking it under one arm he continued to the back room.

"Ere ye go. Pencils, erasers, sharpener, aaaand... one Frog who looked lonely on the floor." Juan Carlos reached his arms out, snatching the frog quickly, stuffing him under his arm.   
"Thank you Daddy." He whispered quietly, settling himself to lay on his belly while he drew. 

They sat together drawing for at least an hour before Fillip had to wave the white flag and surrender. He inches up to the couch, laughing at himself.   
"I can't stay on the floor with ye lad. I'm sorry, my back is breaking." He stretched out on the couch. 

Juan Carlos sat up, scrunched his brow. "I can stay?" 

Fillip nodded. "Yeah baby, ye can stay. Stay righ' here okay? Daddy's gonna shut his eyes for a bit." 

Juan Carlos went back to his picture. He'd drawn Fillips face, really well actually. He wasn't quite sure how he was going to paint it, since he didn't paint ever really. He was more of a charcoal kind of guy, but he figured Daddy wouldn't mind if he didn't paint, long as he stayed busy. 

Another hour went by, he was still hunched over drawing intensely, his stomach grumbled. Daddy was snoring on the couch, he didn't want to bother him for a snack. He could do that himself anyway, shouldn't be too hard. 

He tiptoed quietly around the couch with his frog tucked into his side. There wasn't a lot of options given how little time they spent in this house, they only bought enough for their stay. He did find some crackers, there was cheese in the fridge. He grabbed what he needed, got a knife from the drawer to cut it up with. He was extra careful cutting the little cubes, in his mind he knew he could do it, he'd done this a million times before. He didn't trust himself though, what if this thing he was doing this little thing, what if he did get hurt? He finished doing it, taking longer than it would typically take, he cleaned to his items and grabbed his plate. 

Fillip had heard the rummaging in the kitchen, it brought him groggily to consciousness. He sat up rubbing his hands over his face, he thought about what he could be in there doing. If he needed help he'd ask for it. He'd trust him enough to do that, he picked up the paper from the floor. 

Staring at it in amazement, he looked at himself in dark pencil shading. He was wearing a t-shirt, no sign of his cut, his hair hung in his face a little but he was smiling. It was incredible how much detail he had captured in the drawing, Fillip knew he could draw, but this was next level. Art wasn't exactly a celebrated talent amongst the guys so it's not surprising that he'd kept this extent of his talent to himself. 

"You have a good nap Daddy?" He came and sat beside him on the couch, balancing his plate of crackers on his knee. 

"Aye lad I did. This is amazing, really." He held the drawing in his hands still looking at it. 

Juan Carlos shrugged. "It's alright. Not finished." He acted very nonchalant about it. 

"No, Juan Carlos this is seriously something. I had no idea ye could do this. Ye could go places with this." 

Juan Carlos blushed a deep red and took the paper from Fillip. Fillip scruffed the top of his head. "Ye got a snack? Guess we need to start keepin this place better stocked." 

Juan Carlos sat up proudly. "I didn't even make a mess or cut myself!" 

"Ah well thas good. Next time let me help okay?" 

He nodded in agreement, Daddy turned on the tv, snuggling them close in a blanket. "We'll go out for dinner if ye wan too."

Mouth full of cracker "I can be big Daddy." He giggled. 

Fillip shook his head, holding him close. "Aye ye can be, jus not righ now eh?" 

Juan Carlos shook his head dramatically no, smiling his megawatt smile the whole time.


	11. 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some more fluffiness between the two.

"What day do we go back?" Juan asked curiously, snuggling in closer to Fillip.

Fillip squeezed him in response, rubbing his hand over his arm. "Tomorrow lad."

Now he pouted, making a quiet _humph_. "Hey, don pout. Tig and Venus will be happy to see ye."

"I miss them."

"I'm sure ye do, we're all goin to sit down an have a chat when we get back."

"Daddy?" Helooked down picking at his fingers, he was getting fidgety.

"Yeah lad?"

"I wanna play."

Fillip hummed in amusement. "What do ye wan to play?"

He was curious about what he would say, Juan knew Fillip wouldn't do anything sexual with him while he was in little space.

"A game?" Mischief flickered in his eyes, grinning like he knew a secret.

"What game? Ye look like yer up to something."

Juan Carlos giggled. "I'm not up to something."

Fillip narrowed his eyes a little, being suspicious. "Juan Carlos. What have ye done lad?"

Fillip was honestly scared to know. What in the world had he done? There was no game, the game was a distraction for something but what? He knew it had to be...

"Nothin'" he smiled too big, then he took off through the house. It took Fillips brain a minute to catch up, what just happened. Juan was already high energy, he had been surprisingly calm during their time here. Fillip was worried he'd get bored, restless, so far he hadn't but he figured maybe the lad had hit his wall. He was itching for something to do, even if he didn't know what it was. He was going to have to come up with activities for him or something to keep him occupied.

"Where'd ye go lad!" Fillip called out walking slowly down the hall. He listened for him, silence.

"Lad?" He was at the end of the hall. There were only three rooms, their room, the room he wasn't allowed in and a bathroom. One room was locked so that only left two options. 

"Juan Carlos ye in here?" He walked into the bedroom. "Where are ye lad?" Fillip wasn't sure if this was the game or not. Juan Carlos has spoken more words today than he typically did, yet some how he didn't find it necessary to explain this.

Fillip scratched his head, pushing his fingers through his hair. Then he heard a muffled giggle. Bingo! He pretended to search a little more, looking under the bed, checking the adjoining bathroom.

"Guess he disappeared." Fillip sat down on the bed, huffing dramatically. "Gonna have to go get ice cream by myself." A gasp. A giggle.

"Sure gonna miss Juan Carlos, he was a good lad." He stood up, grabbing keys from the dresser. "Oh well." He shrugged and started to leave the room, smiling at the game.

He made it two steps out of the bedroom followed by the commotion of the closet door busting open and feet rushing across the floor. "I'm here!"

Fillip had to bite back a laugh at the wide eyed panicked expression on the lads face.

Fillip turned around in the hallway "There ye are!" Juan rushed into his arms, pulling him into a tight hug.

"You said ice cream Daddy." Fillip chuckled, of course he honed in on ice cream. They had planned on Juan Carlos being big Juan by dinner but they may be forgoing those plans.

"Aye, I did." He kissed his head.

"Can Frog come?"

"I suppose so."

Juan Carlos was chatting quickly, asking question after question, Fillip just nodded and responded when he could. He didn't usually talk this much, not in little space, he was pretty much non-verbal but this was a flip. He wanted to ask about it but he didn't want to cause him to go back to being silent.

They made their way back into the living room, Fillipsquatted down to the floor, picking up the art supplies.

"Wait! Not done yet!" He shouted stamping his foot.

"We canno jus leave it 'ere. Don stomp at me." His voice was stern.

"Sorry." He whispered, eyes down, twisting his body back and forth.

Fillip sighed at himself, he didn't mean to upset him, but things couldn't be a mess, and he couldn't be rude.

"It's alright lad. Come help me clean up." Juan Carlos kneeled down and helped him start collecting the paints.

"We can paint more again?" He asked putting the kids on the paint cups. He looked at Fillip with those same wide eyes that had fear in them. As if he thought he wouldn't get them back. Fillip winked at him with a grin.

"Aye lad, all he have to do is ask alrigh?"

He seemed to relax then, and cleaning up didn't take much longer. They took them into the den where his other toys were. Fillip wanted them to be accessible so he knew they were for him.

"Ye wan to get dinner first then ice cream?" He asked leading the boy back up the hall to the living room.

He squeezed his frog, shaking his head no.

"Well Juan Carlos we have to eat food. We canno jus eat ice cream." He chuckled, crinkling his brow.

"I have to be big for dinner."

"Well lad, it would be easier for us. But ye don have to be all big. Yer still Daddy's baby boy, even when yer big. I enjoy spending time with my little Juan Carlos and my big lad, and sometimes little lads have to behave like big lads."

He blinked up at him as if he'd just said something ridiculous. "I can just switch around? That won't confusing? For you?"

Fillip shook his head no. "Nah lad, ye already do it all the time whether ye realize it or not. I think making the decision to do it is something ye may have to adjust too, but we can practice."

He nodded in agreement. Really he wasn't sure how all this worked, if he had the urge to be small he figured that's just what it was, he was small until he just wasn't. He needed to tell Daddy when he was small, he figured he would need to tell him he wanted to be big. He'd made his snack like big Juan, didn't even think about it. He knew the problem now was his over thinking everything, making it harder than it had to be.

"Hey lad, yer wrapped up in yer head. Don think about it. Ye wan to drive the car?" Now he lit up, he loved that car. Just like that it clicked in his head, he wasn't too little to drive a car. He sat his frog down on the counter, taking the keys from Fillip. Fillip grabbed the frog anyway, for just in case they needed him later, he tossed him into the backseat.

Juan started the car, pulling Fillip in for a kiss, leading to several soft kisses. "You're the best Daddy, just so you know."

"I try. Where ye wan to eat?"

They went back and forth for a few minutes trying to choose a place before finally settling on a pizza joint not far. They were learning, slowly, but they were making progress. If Juan actually went through with patching out, they could live like this full time. Fillip was a little excited about the idea of having Juan all the time,but they'd cross that bridge when they got to it. For now he was just savoring time, slowing time down enough to just be was good enough for today.


	12. 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back in Charming.

The front door busted open, Venus fell to the floor, hands covering her head behind the counter in her kitchen. Tig was blindsided by the blur running towards him and pouncing onto his lap before he could get out of his recliner. Beer toppled over, spilling onto the table and the rough voice of Fillip trying to make Juice stop filtered into the commotion not addressed by anyone. Arms slung tightly around his neck, and a smiling, wide eyed face came into focus mere millimeters from his own.

Once Tig processed what was happening, he relaxed a little and squeezed his arms around Juan tightly. Fillip stood off to the side of the room arms crossed over his chest, an almost amused smirk on his face, but still stern, as he coaxed Venus up from the floor.

"A little warning would have been nice Mr. Telford. You can't just go busting up into someone house, that's how you get killed." She chastised him as she dusted herself off.

"Lord have mercy, I don't want to have to strangle these men!" She mock prayed, laughing a little. Her heart melted a little more at the site in the living room. Juan was sitting on Tigs lap, arms around his neck, talking softly, but grinning ear to ear.

"Sorry 'bout tha' Venus. I tried to calm the lad, he jus' missed ya both so much." He gestured at the scene with his hand. Hearing her name, Juan turned his head and jumped from Tigs lap, quickly making his way over to her. He didn't tackle her though, Fillip was braced and ready to catch her or stop him, but he slowed and calmed himself before wrapping his arms around her middle and pulling her into a hug.

"Missed you Auntie Venus." He kissed her cheek and backed away. Fillip was a little awe struck at how he'd responded so differently,again without even thinking about it.

She cupped his cheek gently, letting her fingers trace over his jaw line briefly. "I missed you too sweet boy." She let her arm drop with a smile. "You must have had a good time with Fillip huh?"

He nodded. "Yeah, it was nice."

"I'm glad y'all had a good time honey. Tiggy missed little Juan Carlos I think." She winked and pushed him towards him a little again.

Fillip caught her words and noted that as something to talk with them about later.

He walked back over and sat back on his lap, as if he belonged there, liked he'd done it a million times before. Even though he hadn't. Fillip had to bite back the sense of jealousy that boiled up in him when it happened this second time. His lad had spent months here with them though, Tig had simply done what he'd asked him to do. He was about to invite them to be a part of this full time, he knew Tig wasn't a threat, he just wanted Juan to get back to that simplicity with him.

"Missed you Tiggy." He smiled and kissed his cheek. Tig blushed slightly, something that didn't happen often and both Venus and Fillip snickered quietly at it.

"I missed you buddy. So now, big boy discussion." He arched his brow playfully, hands resting on Juan's back and belly, holding him gently in place. Juan's face went a little more serious, Fillip could tell he was floating in between spaces, too many emotions were filtering through him and he was doing good keeping himself in check.

"Did you show Daddy what you learned?" He asked with a big smile, blue eyes dancing with mischief.

Fillip couldn't see Juan's face but he could see the redness as it spread over his neck, ears, and the back of his head. He nodded enthusiastically.

"Good boy. You want to get a snack?" Tig changed the subject sparing Juan any further embarrassment.

"Oh damn, let me grab a towel, Alexander pick up that beer bottle. It's going everywhere!" Venus hurried into the kitchen grabbing a hand towel.

"You need to make sure the boy can have a snack before you just go offering things." She slapped Tigs ass playfully with the towel.

"You know he says I spoiled him, mr. big bag biker guy would never do that." She mocked playfully. "Mr. big bad biker is putty when it comes to that boy." She teased winking at Fillip, making him chuckle. It seemed they all were putty really. Even more reason to get him safely out of the front lines of this life.

Tig scoffed. "Boy wants a snack, he needs a snack. He can do with the calories, woman!" He chided back playfully, looking to Fillip to make sure he wasn't actually crossing a line. Fillip shrugged, still laughing at Venus and Tig. He hadn't seen them together much but they were so natural, it was beautiful, Tig hadn't looked this happy in years.

Juan came back out of the kitchen with a class of soda in one hand and a honey bun in the other, grinning like a cat who stole the cream.

"Save some room lunch huh?" Juan didn't even turn his head, just kept eating the pastry, sitting himself on the floor by the coffee table.

"Come sit Fillip." Juan pointed to the couch, as Tig sat back in his recliner and Venus took the chair across from him. Fillip crossed the room, sitting behind Juan on the couch. He leaned back into him, liking how Fillips hands rested on his shoulders, almost possessively.

"Well since we're all here, why don we go ahead and talk?"

They all agreed, Juan finished his honey bun and scooted up to sit on the couch. He was an equal player in this conversation, in fact he had more power over the situation than the rest of them really. Something that Tig and Chibs had agreed on already, so for once in his life he was the head of the table. Everyone's eyes on him, waiting for him to start the conversation.

"I just want to know, where everyone stands, what each of you expect. Then we can talk about boundaries, hard limits, what I need from each of you, and how this dynamic is going to look. Does that work for you all?" He glanced around at everyone, making sure they were in the same page. He was mimicking the conversation he'd had with Fillip sure, but it had worked. He figured it would work now, pulling himself together and addressing the room should have stirred some sort of anxiety, but all he felt was calm.

To be so timid at times, he had a certain charm about him, he'd could make a good public speaker. Fillip could see him leading business meetings, or teaching kids, sales, just talking to people, he was much better at it than he gave himself credit for. He sat there now on the couch beside Fillip, sounding confident, no stutter, eyes making contact, open body language. He was definitely not Juan Carlos at the moment, and the sound of his firm, sure voice sent chills down Fillips spine.


	13. 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They all talk a little and Juice tries to prepare mentally for the future.  
There is likely a time skip coming up soon.

Tig figured he'd start, seeing as how he was the addition to their group and Chibs didnt look like he could process thoughts at the moment.   
"I know Chibby asked me to look out for you as a temporary set up, at first as you know, I wasn't that great. Frankly I was irritated, not because of you Juicey, but because I knew the situation was temporary. Chibs has come to me in the past for advice, so I can't pretend like I didn't know from the beginning what sort of agreement you two had. I gotten attached really, I've enjoyed spending time with you away from the club. I think you've enjoyed being here with us. I don't want to interject myself into your lives, but I'd like to be a part of it. Ya know?" 

He looked at Juice and back over to Chibs. 

"I think I'd like for you to be involved. How do you feel about Tiggys further involvement?" Juice pointed his question to Chibs.

"Aye, I think it woul be good. Ye know, it's good to have someone to help out, or just know whas goin on. How's Venus feelin bout all this? I noticed a difference between the lad and ye." He gestured between them. 

Venus cleared her throat. "Well sugar, my occupation has led me to many a strange ordeal. I can handle most anything, Juan is a perfect little angel. However, in my home, I'm not working, in my personal life, I don't particularly enjoy the aspects of age play. Now, do love Juan Carlos, and I don't mind lookin after him when I need too. I prefer the company of Juan or Juice as you all call him. I'm here as a friend, an auntie, a listening ear, sounding board, arms for hugging. I don't do corporal punishment regardless of little space, sub space, safe space, whatever you call it. I do not wish to be another dominant to him. I do want Alexander to continue with you all if that's what he wishes. You have my support and confidence." 

Tig didn't seem surprised, nor did Juice, Chibs took this to mean some sort of conversation must have taken place. He nodded in agreement. 

Juice looked at each of them slowly. "Okay. So. For me. I only want one full time dom. I don't think I can handle trying to manage both of you. I think the time I spent here helped me open up my expectations a little though. Chibby, is my Dom, my partner, my Daddy and I like that. He sets the rules, boundaries for me, makes decisions that I can't. I think having Tig and Venus as additional caregivers, or whatever it would be called would be good. If Chibs had to go on a run, I wouldn't be alone. Stuff like that you know." 

They all nodded in agreement. 

"As far as my personal boundaries go, I don't want sexual situations with anyone other that Fillip. I'm not comfortable with that. Tig, you've already spanked me once, I think the way you did it was perfect. I shouldn't be over anyone's lap besides Fillips. I do think you should enforce the rules, I seem to be prone to breaking them. I have what Fillip so lovingly referred to as a "bratty streak." He chuckled when both Tig and Chibs agreed, Venus snickered coyly.

"You don't say." She asked feigning disbelief. 

"I think tha sounds good lad. We aren't going to have a perfect road map, but we can learn as we go. As long as we all communicate." 

"Venus, thank you for your honesty. I know we didn't explicitly talk about it before, but you were very cautious not to indulge something you didn't want. I appreciate that very much. Your responses to me did help draw clear lines while I was staying with you. I also appreciate you willingness to continue with us and being comfortable with Tig having a more involved role."   
She smiled sweetly. 

"You're very welcome Juan. I'm here for you any time. Your man over there might want to be careful leaving you alone with me too much. We might just have to get into my nail polish collection." She laughed as the redness colored his cheeks.   
"I'm only teasing." 

Fillip laughed also, he pictured Juice with painted toes, concentrating really hard on painting hers.   
"Might be worth leaving him." 

Juice narrowed his eyes at Chibs and stood up shaking his head. Everyone else followed his lead, hugging as they got ready to leave. 

"Ready for lunch?" Chibs asked as he mounted his bike.

"Yeah. Then I guess we better go by the club house. I need to work on the system."

"We're going to have to talk to Jax ye know. I can see the wheels in his head spinning." 

Juice deflated a little bit at the idea of sitting down with Jax and explaining that he and Chibs were a couple. Sure Jax already knew, but to have to talk about it and what it would mean for them in the club was stressful. Plus all this new crap about them going legit and whatever kind of hell that was going to bring. The only solace he had in the thought was that he was ready to patch out. If only he could get Chibs to agree that it was the right time.


	14. 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a night at home, and a chat.

The next few weeks at TM we're quiet, simple. The club had been putting into motion their plan to go legit, Jax had given Chibs and Juice his blessing. As long as it didn't interfere with club business. Juice had finished moving into Chibs house. Juice had taken steps away from the club, busying himself with tech things and the garage. He hadnt brought up patching out, but he was sure Jax and the guys were starting to notice his busier schedule and absences.

Juice had been playing his video game sitting on the couch, waiting for Fillip to get home. He didn't feel like hanging around the clubhouse, though he was sure he was due to attend a party or something. He had already picked up dinner from the Chinese place down from Chibs... their place. Thinking of it as their place still felt foreign to him, like he was a guest in Chibs house. That was something to mention another time. He heard Chibs Harley pull into the driveway, so he started putting his game away. He hated looking like he'd been a lazy lump when Fillip came in. 

He was just finishing up when Fillip came into the house. Hanging his cut on the rack, he walked over and pressed a kiss to Juan's head.   
"Ye have a good day lad?" 

Juan stood back up to pull Fillip into a hug. "I did. Got bored but I survived."

"I can tell ye got bored. My entire bookshelf has been organized." He laughed, scruffing his chin on top of his head. Juan blushed a deep red.

"Yeah. Sorry about that." 

Fillip pulled back from the hug a little, hands resting on his shoulders. "Lad I tol ye, I wan ye to feel at home here. Do what ye need to do. Hell if ye need to go buy shelves or curtains or something thas fine." 

Juan took a breath, now was a good time to bring up his thoughts. Right? 

"I can see the wheels spinnin lad. Don get worked up about it." Chibs pressed a soft kiss to his lips. Juan hadn't had any fainting spells in a while, which was a good thing. Chibs was still mostly in the dark about them in general or their causes, but he seemed to be aware that Juan's anxiety must have played some part in it. 

"I'm not getting worked up. Not gonna faint." He smiled a little.   
Fillip moved to go into the kitchen, he saw the take away bags on the counter. "Chinese hmmm? Love it!"   
Juan laughed, though that was something else he'd been nervous about. He hadn't cooked much since he'd been here, or bought many groceries. He didn't want to over step, but he was getting tired of take away and he hated Fillip eating so much of it. He knew if he started cooking their meals it would be another punchline to add at the club bit frankly he didn't care. He could take the jab if it meant Fillips cholesterol was in a good place and he didn't feel like he had sludge inside him. He'd already gained ten pounds living here. 

"I was um. I was thinking." 

Fillip raised a brow, dumping noodles onto plates.  
"Bout wha darlin?" 

"I could, ya know, I could cook for us. Instead of buying out all the time. Unless you don't want me too, which I understand and all. I just thought that si...  
Fillip raised his hand, cutting Juan off. He grinned, trying not to laugh. Juan was always cute, sexy even, but when he was thinking really hard, nervous about something simple, Fillip couldn't help but find him irresistible. The face he made was downright adorable, in the way that only kisses could fix. 

"Come ere lad." He motioned for him to come into the small space between the counter and the sink.   
"If tha woul make ye happy, it will make me happy. I only eat home cooked food at Gems, or when we cook at the other place. I don wan ye to think ye cannot do something. We're both off tomorrow, les go to the grocery and get ye some things." 

Juan nodded again, picking up his plate of noodles, he wasn't going to eat the chicken. "Thank you." 

Fillip winked. "Yer such a good ol' lady." He teased him about it just to watch his face turn red. The guys called him Chibs ol' lady all the time, playfully of course. He knew Juice thought it was as funny as it was annoying. Better they give him a hard time than be down right be rude to them. 

"I'm not old, you old man!" He snickered into his plate, sprinting away from Chibs grasp.

They both plopped comfortably on the couch, settling beside each other for a moment.   
"So what else is on yer mind lad? I can tell somethin has ye twisted up." 

Juan swallowed quickly, shaking his head no. "Nothing important. Mostly I just wanted to check that you wouldn't mind if I filled up the kitchen." 

Fillip reached over and rubbed his back. "Babe I tol ye, this is yer house now. Make it yer house." 

Now Juan sighed, confirming what Fillip had said about something else being on his mind. He just filled in the blank for him.

"Don feel like yer place does it? Ye still feel like a guest, like ye don belong?" Fillip leaned forward and put his plate down on the coffee table. 

"Yeah, I mean this is your place. I don't want to just come in and change things."

Fillip nodded, understanding. "Ye know, I've been thinking bout it. What if we looked for something tha could be ours? Not the clubs, not mine, not yers, but just us. Even if it's outside of Charming." 

Juan choked on the food in his mouth. "You're serious?"   
Fillip smiled. Sure they'd only been together, really together for a little while, a couple weeks if you don't count lock up. Sometimes when you know, you just know, and Fillip has loved him for years. 

"I'm serious lad. I know it's quick or whatever, but I love ye, an I can see this is somethin ye need. I hate watchin the cogs in yer brain turning at the things drivin ye crazy. I know how ye are. I'm surprised honestly ye hadn't already thrown everything out and started over." He kissed him again, before picking up his plate. 

"We'll start looking next week? That way we can get some time off to go see prospective houses." 

The smile that lit up Juan's face was worth all the packing it would take to get them both moved. He still had his apartment, unused as it was, it was there full of stuff he didn't bring. Outside of Charming would get them out of the battlefield, even if the drive to TM would be longer they'd be safe from blowback. There were plenty of new guys who could use the house, he didn't need it 

"That would be great. Thank you Fillip." He kissed his cheek lovingly. 

"Aye, now what do say we get some play time in after dinner? Yer wound tighter than an over wound guitar string." 

Fillip could read him so well it almost wasn't fair. It made Juan happy that he could, because that meant he didn't have to ask for things often. "Yes please." He groaned into the crook of Fillips neck, chuckling to himself when Fillip squirmed. 

"Eat yer food, ye naughty thing."


	15. 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some casual talks at the shop.

"Juice! You and me, church now." Jax tossed his cigarette butt to the ground, stomping it out as he gestured for the other man. Some of the others turned to see what was going on, but went back to what they were doing.

Juice sat down the tools, grabbing a cloth to wipe grease from his hands. He strode over to Jax, walking with his typical feigned confidence, while his insides were spasing out. Chibs and Tig both stood on the other side of the shop pretending to work but both watching from their respective places.

"What's up man?" He followed Jax into the chapel.

"Got some more shit coming down from Roosevelt. He hasn't taken you in lately has he?"

Juice shrugged, confused. "No. What's going on?"

"You need to pop by the station and volunteer a piss test. There's some big wig working on something. Roosevelt thinks he can work you over, had leveraged on you. He doesn't know you came to the club with it."

Juice was getting nervous, what the hell did Jax want from him? "Yeah, I told you guys everything. I promise." He held his hands up in surrender.

"Yeah, I trust you. I don't trust him. We need to know what they are plotting. See what they've got so we can throw them off course. We need you to play along."

Juices head started to do the swimmy thing, Tara had helped him recognize symptoms. He pulled out a chair and sat down before he fell out.

"Can we talk about it with the guys? See what they think? I don't know that I'm the best man for that job. I mean he targeted me because he thinks I'm weak."

Jax rested his hands on the table, fighting back his irritation. He knew Juice was right, technically he had no reason to be annoyed with him but he was annoyed with the situation. "You're right. However he doesn't know that the things he sees as your weaknesses are things we already know. Well bring it up at church tomorrow. Just wanted to see what your thoughts were before I blindsided you with it." He clapped Juice on the shoulder in a brotherly manner.

"How's shit going with Chibs?" He asked casually. Juice looked at him skeptically. Jax had said he did t really want to know. He also didn't really talk to him much anyway, he figured he was making awkward conversation.

"Uh, good. I like not being alone all the time ya know. He's good company." He wanted to sound as least gay as possible.

Jax nodded in agreement. "I've known Chibs my whole life man, literally." He kept his voice even, almost reflective. "I've never seen him as happy as he's been since... ya know, allll this. Whatever this is." He kept moving his hands around in exaggerated gestures, Juice got the point.

"Thanks Jax. For being cool with everything." He patted his back firmly as usual and left the room.

Juice walked back over to the garage keeping his face neutral. Tig wolf whistled getting his attention and motioning for him to walk over. Chibs arched a brow at him, curious about what Tig would be up too.

"What's up Tiggy?" He shrugged leaning into the car.

"What was that about Juice?" He smiled that almost condescending smile he gets despite its being genuine.

"Just Jax being Jax ya know. He's got an idea, but I asked him to bring it to the table. You know I don't make the best decisions." He lit another self rolled cigarette, this one laced with weed.

Chibs walked over, no longer worried about discretion. What did it matter anyway? Everyone here pretty much knew they were a thing now, the ones who didn't were too stupid to see the sun with their eyes open.

"Whas going on Juicyboy?" He clapped a greasy hand around Juices neck holding steady.

"Geez you guys, nothing. Calm down, Jax is going to bring it to the table." Juice was getting annoyed, unjustly but still. He knew the other two were worried and they had every right to be. Juice didn't make good choices, he'd taken a swing from a tree before. Chibs basically made all of his major decisions for him short of what to drink with dinner. Tig followed that pattern in Chibs absence when he needed too. Still it made him feel weak or unworthy, he wasn't sure the feeling but it bothered him that they didn't think he could handle is business without them.

"Jax just wanted my input on something. I asked him to bring it to the table." He started to turn to leave but Chibs gripped his neck tighter.

"It's almost quittin time lad. Clean up yer area and we'll talk at the house. I've gotta talk to Jax about next week." Their foreheads met for a brief second and then they separated as if it never happened.

"Wait. Chibby, I want to be there when you talk to him. If it's about the house." He shoved one hand into his pocket, the other holding his joint.

"Ye sure? If ye wan to be there, thad be good."

Juice nodded his agreement, turning to clean his area.

Tig finished up and slung an arm around each of their shoulders.

"Hey you two queens, Venus is having dinner tonight, says you're invited." He smiled a cheeky grin, knowing they both knew the invitation wasn't something to decline.

"Aye, wha time brother?"

"7:30. Don't be late." He have Chibs a brotherly punch on the arm, and pulled Juice into a headlock like hug.

"We'll be there! Let me go you skeevy ass." Juice grunted trying to escape, laughing too hard to really get out.

This was good, he enjoyed being around his brothers more now. His secret was out, no one hated him, at least not openly and he felt more free. He laughed more, talked more, actually felt like he had friends, something he never really had before this thing with Chibs took hold.

Slowly, he was being put back together, the empty shell getting discarded. With every kink they indulged, every moment they just spent together he was being built up and not torn down. Chibs was a patient man, reprimanding Juice for every negative thing he spoke about himself, replacing it with something positive. He didn't falter, didn't push, just let Juice work out whatever he was working out. Reading him, that was his job, knowing what he needed and helping him get it. Patience meant waiting for the lad to figure out what was going on inside his own head, sometimes guiding him.

Juice, Juan was all the same to Fillip, he loved him, wanted the best for him. Since moving in together Fillip had noticed that the boy had relaxed in many ways but was struggling in others. He hadn't initiated play of any kind, no little space, no sub space, just the occasional kiss or touch. There was a new distance between them, like starting over, something Chibs didn't like. He'd been patient waiting for Juice to get comfortable and do something but he kept dancing around it. Like somehow he their new arrangement changed things or he would be rejected. Eventually the lad was going to snap, his needs would bubble to the surface despite the calm.

Last time Chibs tried to initiate play time, he didn't care if the lad had been small, submissive, bratty, needy, whatever. He'd just wanted some of the tension to ease, Juice wouldn't let go. He could see the mental turmoil fighting between the present and his safe spaces. He defaulted to using sex as a distraction. Chibs wasn't completely sure why but he had his speculations. He knew he had a fear of being alone, and was always trying to be as out of the way as possible. He didn't want Chibs to tire of him. He needed to find a way to keep him sure of his place with him.

"Hey lad, yer finishing up before me. I wan ye to go straight home, wash up, an greet me at the door." He patted him on the back casually, smiling at the goosebumps that spread over the others neck and arms.

"Okay. What do you mean greet you?" He asked confused. His heart was pounding, he knew what Chibs meant, only wanted confirmation. He hadn't been openly submissive since he'd moved, not in this way.

"Ye know wha I mean lad. Don test my patience." His voice was gruff and low, close enough to Juices ear he could feel the heat of his breath. The sensation over load was sending signals straight to his cock, making him glad he wore the baggy pants.

"Yes sir." Juice whispered in a shaky voice, startling himself with the loud clank of the metal tools falling into the metal box.

"Thas a good lad. See ye at home Juicy." He pressed a kiss to his temple, casual. Still earning cat calls from some of the other men still hanging around the garage. Juice flushed red, the way he did every time, and Chibs flipped them all the bird.

"What did you say to him?" Tig teased grinning big.

"Nothin much. Tol him to wash up for dinner. Why?" Chibs remained calm and collected.

"Boy turned five shades of red, and broke out in fever bumps. Pretty sure he was sportin a hard on when he ran out of here."

"Shut up Tig. Leave the lad be. Numpty jerk." He laughed as he said it, hinting that it was in good fun. Nevertheless he knew the kid was going to be teased about it at dinner. Even if Tig did care for him, help take care of him, he still gave him a hard time. Consistency with Juice was key after all. 


	16. 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while since I've updated. Life is keeping me busy. However, here we go again. Just a night with Daddy and Juan. They are getting ready for dinner at Tigs.

The ride back home was soothing, though it failed to do anything helpful regarding his arousal. The wind rushing past him was always something that could help ground him, today it soothes it didn't ground. He replayed Fillips words over and over in his mind, just remembering the tone he carried made his insides quiver.

He locked the door behind him, taking a moment to catch his breath. The OCD in him told him he had a million things to do before Fillip got home, but he'd been given instructions, clean up, and wait. Fillip knew what he needed, the time he sat, waiting would yes, make him crazy with anticipation but it would also relax him. That period of time where he could have no obligations, no priorities, no chores, just simply waiting to greet his lover, was enough to get him into a submissive mindset. This particular day, Fillip wasn't concerned with who he'd find at home, as long as Juice was properly tucked away. 

He'd given vague but clear instructions, leaving room for Juan to decide but taking away his option at ignoring his needs. He looked at his watch, deciding an hour had probably been enough time for his boy to complete his task. He waved off to the guys that still lingered, flicking a cigarette butt to the gravel. This ride home, held equal importance to Chibs, allowed time to process, to clear his mind, leave Chibs behind with the cigarette he'd left in the lot of TM.

Juan had managed to calm his nerves, curiosity peaking on what Fillip had planned. They only had three hours before they'd have to be at Tig's house for dinner. His mind was still so messy he couldn't really just let go, he found himself floating somewhere between his little side and his submissive side. What Fillip had so delightfully dubbed his bratty side, in previous situations. He couldn't help it, when he was nervous or it had been a while since he'd gotten to play he always felt a little defiant, mischievous and clingy. 

He settled himself on the floor, by the door as instructed, he wore only his black boxer briefs. Taking extra care to make sure he was positioned just right, he only had to focus on not fidgeting. There was a clicking of the lock at the door, Fillips frustrated huff at probably having his hands too full to open the door, which always made Juan chuckle. He didn't dare budge though, even to help open the door, he waited, quietly as he could. 

"Daddy!" An excites squeal, as arms wrapped tightly around Fillips neck, almost knocking him down. He dropped his kutte and coffee mug on the floor. You were taking for-ev-er!" He dramatically whined the words out mimicking a teenage girl, earning a laugh from Fillip. Fillip settled with his arms around his waist, nuzzling the warmth of his neck.   
"Hey there my lil one." A kiss dropping to Juan's neck. 

"When are we going to dinner? What are we gonna eat you think? Do I have to dress up? Can I..." he rattled off questions rapid fire, not giving Fillip a a chance to answer him. He wasn't using a child's language, which actually sat well with Fillip for now. There was no way of knowing how the night would progress but having him at least a little grown up would help get them out of the house on time. Fillip raised a finger to his lips cutting him off. 

"Slow down lad." He chuckled, bending down to pick up the items he'd dropped. "Follow me to the laundry room. I've got to get a shower." 

Juan nodded, staying on Fillips heels the whole way down the hall.   
"But when do we have to go? Do we have time to play before we go? I wanna!" He was smiling up until the last statement, which he stamped his foot and pouted. 

Fillip shook his head, undressing and throwing his clothes into the washer. "Juan, did I give any indications I wouldn take care of ye before we go?" He maintained a calm voice, holding Juan's gaze with his own. Juan shook his head no, looking down at the floor.  
"Thas what I thought lad. Grab a towel and come with me please." 

Now he was confused, he already showered before Daddy got home, he grabbed the towel anyway. 

"Ye need to shave. When's the last time ye did tha?"   
Juan shrugged, now feeling a little bad for not being as presentable as he thought he was. The thought just hadn't crossed his mind really.

"Hey, lad yer not in trouble. We can do it together." He grabbed the items they'd need and set them out on the counter in the bathroom. Juan smiled his megawatt smile at the notion of doing it together. 

Both clad in their underwear, standing in front of the mirror, shaving foam lathered over their faces, two sets of eyes deeply concentrated, one pair on the mirror the other on Daddy. His eyes watched on in amazement at the way Daddy moved his mouth around, pulling skin here and there to shave different areas. 

"Ye gonna get started?" He chuckled, swiping some foam from his own face and depositing it onto Juan's nose.  
"Daddy! Why you gotta be like that?" He huffed but still smiling. He got started on his own face, becoming contemplative. He had wanted to play, let go, but some how, despite not regressing or being submissive he still felt as though his needs were being met. He was just existing, without any thought or stress, just being, and that in itself was relaxing.

"I gotta be like that because it's so fun to tease ye." He teased. "We've got to be at Tigs at seven, you don't have to dress up, but you can dress nicely." He swatted his behind playfully before turning to go to the shower. 

Juan's face turned red, and he huffed trying to compose his thoughts. "Daddy?" He spoke softly, still not using a kids language, but identifying his headspace as not typical for Juice. 

"Hmm lad?" Fillip shimmied out of his boxes before he stepped into the shower. He caught Juan's eye looking over his naked body, internally relishing that he could earn such looks from the man.

Juan's hands were fidgeting in front of him, trying not to stutter out his words.   
"Think you might spank me a little before we go?" 

Daddy hummed beneath the water, smiling to himself. His boy asking for what he wanted was a big step and one that should be rewarded.   
"Aye, if thas what ye need. Yer done shaving?"

Juan rinsed off his razor and cleaned up the sink. He checked his work in the mirror, making sure he hadn't missed anything.  
"Yes sir." He waited patiently for instructions.

Daddy rinsed the shampoo from his own hair. "Go and get yerself dressed. We will have an hour to prepare to leave. When we get home tonight we will further address your needs. Alrigh lovey?" 

Juan beamed, he was excited to see Tig and Venus and he couldn't wait to play with Daddy. Having someone know what he needed more than himself was amazing, and he was planning on savoring every moment he got to enjoy it.


	17. 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a casual night. A filler really. Trying to move on to some other parts of their life with out dragging it out to much.

The spanking he'd been given didn't make him cry, but it did help the anxiety. His bottom was a nice pink, with a pleasant sting, bringing a feeling of calm over him.

He and Daddy hadn't had much time together before they had to leave, but the moments they did have had been good. Now they walked up the driveway to Tigs house, Juan trying to be on his best behavior.

"Ye look fine lad, stop tugging at yer shirt." Fillip scolded with a smile.

Juan rolled his eyes, straightening his shirt in the reflection of the glass on the door.

"Don roll yer eyes." He rang the bell.

Juan sighed. "I'm sorry. I don't even know why I'm nervous."He rolled his neck trying to get some tension to loosen.

Fillip extended his hand, taking Juan's in his own. The gesture helped settle him a little bit. He squeezed the hand in response, a silent thank you.

"I don't think it's nerves Juan. Don't try to be anything you can't be right now lovey. When we get home I'll take care of ye. This is also a safe space." He turned, placing his free hand on Juan's shoulder, looking him in the eyes. "Ye trust daddy righ?"

Juan nodded. "Yeah, of course. I just don't want to do something stupid." His face flushed.

Fillips dark sympathetic eyes peered at him, his actual smile reaching his ears. "Ye won't. Just relax. Tiggy will be glad to see ye." He patted his shoulder. Ringing the bell again, wondering what could be taking so long.

"He just saw me this afternoon." Juan replied like a disgruntled teenager, looking confused.

"Aye." A firm kiss planted on Juan's forehead as the door opened.

Venus was over dressed as usual. A yellow knee length fitted dress, her checkered apron around her waist, small heels matching her dress adorned her dainty feet. Hair and makeup looking perfect, despite the flustered expression on her face.

"Hello lovelies. I hope you haven't been waiting long? I was just pulling the chicken from the oven. That lump of handsome is lazing in the living room. Apparently too wrapped up in his chair to answer the door." She smoothed the front of her dress, smiling. They knew she was teasing Tig, but Juan couldn't help the expression on his face. Eyes wide, a small giggle leaving his mouth.

His cheeks flushed, here it comes. He was trying so hard to just have a normal meal with their friends, but no. Juan Carlos was going to ruin everything. His bottom stung in a little jolt reminding him of earlier, but not enough to settle him back down.

Fillip hummed our knowingly with a smile. He playfully swatted Juan's bottom discreetly, chuckling at the cheep that came from him.

"Come on in. Dinner is almost ready, I got a little behind. Couldn't do anything with this hair." She kissed them both on the cheek, pulling them each in for a hug.

"You look wonderful as always darlin." Fillip patted her waist and winked. The blush that crept over her face made Juan feel bubbly inside.

"You're beautiful Venus, I don't think you can be less than perfect, if you put effort into it." He blushed at his own compliment, but beamed with pride when Fillip squeezed his shoulder. Venus pulled him into a tight hug, laughing, pressing kisses onto his hawk.

"You're just a lady killer just like Fillip aren't you?" Juan grinned up at her and nodded.

"Aye, gotta train em to treat ladies right." Fillip teased, walking past them into the main room.

"Tiger ye in 'ere!" Fillips boisterous voice called out.

"Yeah! Where's my boy at?" Tig grinned at Fillip, raising a beer towards him in offering as he clambered from the recliner. Fillip nodded.

"Thanks. Soda for the lad."

Tig nodded and walked into the kitchen grabbing the drinks.

"Smells good Venus, good think I skipped lunch."

"Fillip, if you don't start eating right I'm going to have to beat you." She chided him making Juan laugh.

He casually walked into the kitchen searching for Tig, holding himself together as he planned his attack. Tig was bent over with his head in the fridge rummaging around for a soda can. Fillip stood propped in the door way grinning when he saw Juan sneaking into the room.

"TIGGY!" He shouted in an animated voice, causing the other man to jump bashing his head on a shelf in the fridge.

"Ow, son of a bitch!" He stood up running his sore head. "What's wrong with you? You gotta death wish?" He was smiling as he scolded him. Juan shook his head no but couldn't stop laughing.

"You jumped so hard! Thought nothing could scare you." He wrapped his arms around his middle and squeezed.

"Yeah nothing, except naughty boys who sneak around trying to give old guys heart attacks."

Venus over heard, she couldn't hold back laughter. "Now you admit you're an old man?" She motioned her arms for every one to sit.

"Come now, dinner is ready. Grab a seat my lovely's. Juan, remove your elbows from my table dear, a gentleman doesn't slouch." She winked and dusted his arms away from the table. His cheeks flushed but he obeyed, sitting up a little straighter.

He wondered to himself as he watched everyone moving around, laughing and for once not feeling like he didn't belong. _Is this what family feels like?_


	18. 18

"So have you put any more thought into how you're going to present your idea of leaving to the club?" Tig scratched his chin, snapping a bite from a roll.

"Not a lot. Wit the way thins are goin' I think it would be good. So many thins are up in the air." They all nodded in agreement. Juice fidgeted in his chair, picking his food across his plate.

Juice leaned over whispering in Chibs ear, though he couldn't really hear him. He pulled him down a little more asking him to clarify. His cheeks blushed as he thought again about what he wanted to say. He was getting impatient, there was no reason since he was having fun. The sting keeping him grounded was making him more needy. Tig raised a brow and stifled a grin.

"Lovey we've already talked bout this. Is alrigh baby." Chibs whispered back though loud enough for everyone to hear.

A low whine escaped Juice before he could stop it. He plopped himself back into his chair with a huff. He wanted Chibs to do it for him, drag it out of him. He couldn't just drop it all here, be little, bit without a reason. Venus already told him she didn't want that. He couldn't understand why Chibs, why daddy was just _teasing_ him.

Chibs watched him for a moment, the boy rested his head on his hand, elbow on the table.

"Do ye think Jax will actually get everyone in some kind of class?" He continued his conversation, smiling behind his napkin when the boy huffed again.

Tig having caught on to this little game decided to play along. "Maybe. I mean some of the guys could use some learning."Juice was about bored out of his mind. He didn't want to talk, he was finished with his dinner, he just wanted them to pay attention to him. Was that really too much to ask?

The small talk continued for a little while longer when finally Juice couldn't hold back any more. A dramatic groan left him as he dropped his head to the table. "_Daaaaddddy_. Can. We. _Please_. Talk about something else besides work?"

Venus kept quiet but wore a smug grin, she'd been making bets with herself about how long he was going to last.

"Well Juan what do _ye_ wan to talk 'bout?"

Juan squinted his eyes at him, fighting a smirk. "Is there dessert?" He shrugged not knowing what else to say.

"Manners lad. Thas not how ye ask for things." Chibs scolded in spite of Venus jumping up to grab the cake she'd gotten for dessert.

"Sorry fellas I didn't make this one. Picked it up from that bakery Juan is always eyeballing when we're in town." She smiled as she cut him a large slice.

"Thank you Auntie Venus." The boy smiled excitedly. 

"You're most welcome my sweet boy."

She'd gotten coffee poured for everyone and handed out before she thought Juan may not be in the mood for it.

He grimaced at the cup, but took it politely.

"C-can I, um, could I please maybe... I'm sorry Venus." He kept his voice quiet, frustration showing in his eyes. Fillip could tell he was slipping, the more comfortable he was with everyone the more his needs took over. He stuttered more often in little space, and stayed quiet because the stutter bothered him.

Fillip took his hand beneath the table, bring him comfort and encouraging him. He wanted him to be comfortable asking for what he needed.

"Go on lad. Wha is it ye wan to ask?"

Venus waited patiently, watching for him to answer. She kept her body language calm, trying to let him know that she didn't mind waiting for him to get his words out.

Finally he took a breath and started again.

"Don really want coffee. Im sorry. I know you made it for me."

She smiled over her own cup. "Why is he so damn cute Fillip Telford? I keep saying I don't want to participate actively in his little space but dammit he's going to sucker me in." She was teasing, he knew she was teasing but he couldn't stop the flush. He felt his ears burning, Tig winked at him not helping at all.

"What would you like with your cake?" She stood, taking the coffee cup and pouring the coffee into Tigs already empty cup. "Waste not want not Tiger. There you go." She flicked his ear, making him gasp in surprise.

Juan couldn't hold in the giggle, he would never be that brave. To flick Tig, was insane but his woman got away with it. She'd just do what she wanted anyway and who was he to stop her?

"Could I have some milk?" He asked quietly again, picking at his fingers to avoid looking at her.

"Yes you may. Thank you for asking Juan." Again he flushed all over.

Fillip kept a mental log of how the boy responded to different things, from his findings the boy liked it when he was praised. He was so eager to please, he needed those affirmations.

"Good lad, tha was very helpful for you to tell her." He tried to praise him without belittling him. Even if Juice was in little space he was still an adult and he respected the concerns Juice had expressed when first discussing little space. He wanted many things from their arrangement but he didn't want to be degraded as a child, that would only increase shame. Fillip had to tread very carefully.

"Dinner was great Venus. Thank ye for inviting us." He complimented her, because it was true but also praising someone else took some attention from Juan making him much more comfortable outside of their safe space.

"Daddy get your own!" Juan swatted his hand away as Fillip tried to get a bite of his cake. Tig joined as well, just trying to get him riled up.

"Tig! Venus! Help me? They are gonna eat all my cake." His eyes were big suggesting he was serious but his giggles said he was having fun.

"Boys. If you don't all stop and behave I'll have to take you over my knee!" She stood with her hands on her hips exaggerating her words for effect. She looked at Juan as she spoke making sure he knew she was working in his favor.

"You two can get your own cake and leave that boys plate alone. Shall I spank them Juan?" She raised a brow.

The boy flushed so dark Fillip thought the lad would faint. He could see the suggestion rolling over the boys mind, this lad would be the death of him.

"Ye gonna let her spank Daddy?"

Juan guarded his plate of cake and nodded enthusiastically smiling like a deranged lunatic if this were any other situation.

Tig and Fillip scoffed in feigned offense simultaneously.

"Juan Carlos! Ye would think thas funny would ye!?"

Fillip was still teasing, his voice playful. He was honestly thrilled, he knew his boy needed to relax. He wanted him to get in some little time, he was obviously in need of it. Their casual comfort around Venus' table has helped him slip, not all the way, but enough that he was certainly not Juice, nor a guarded adult. He was Juan Carlos, Daddy's lil one, who was big enough to handle himself. Fillip rather liked this version of play space.

Juan Carlos was still laughing but he threw his arms around Fillips neck. He hugged him tightly, making his display of protection of his Daddy obvious. Fillip hugged him back, gently urging him into his lap.

"Play time?" He whispered in a little voice.

"Aye lad." A gentle rub to the back reassuring the lad.


	19. 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is mostly a reflection from Chibs.

Tonight I sit on Tigs couch an watched ye. I watched ye grow down an grow up, floatin around in whatever spaces ye felt comfortable in. Ye didn't confine yerself to jus one or the other, my only thought was tha ye must feel safe 'ere.

I know yer head is a mess an ye function bet'er when ye don have to make decisions, when all ye have to do is follow directions. Sometimes though ye do jus fine without even knowing it. Like righ now, yer talking to Tig, eyes big but yer not my lil one, yer big. Yer talkin bout things ye know, things ye like. Computers an motors. Yer confident and I love tha.

I canno help but smile when yer around because I canno picture my life now without this. We make quite the fucked up picture of a Motor Cycle Club for sure. The four o'us would have been a joke even to ourselves a year ago. Yet ere we are.

Five years ago ye came to the Sons, we had no clue what we were gettin into, but I'm glad I spoke up for ye. There's so much I don know bout ye, but I love ye. There's so many things I wan to say to ye but I don wan to scare ye.

Ye've changed since I got locked up. It's almost like every step forward we take there's this tether holding ye back. I know ye don trust this life, yer worried about going back inside yerself. I can't handle the thought of ye going in there, I just can't.

Lad, this is why we've gotta get ye out. The club is changing but who knows if it's for the better. I'd die if ye took a bullet.

Yer a real numpty some times, but yer my numpty. Well mine and it seems as though maybe yer Tigs also. It's good ye have em, I try not to be jealous but I don wan him to replace me. I'm yer lover, yer dominant. Yer daddy. I'm whatever ye need me to be because I love ye. I canno imagine a conventional relationship wit ye lad, what we have isn't easy but it's perfect for us.

Look at ye, sittin there, laughing, your smile lights up my world. Even my bad days are better when I see yer smile. I know ye think sometimes yer a burden, ye were so scared to tell me what ye need. Truth is, sometimes I feel very selfish because I need this as much as ye. Maybe even more. Ye need direction, someone to make life simpler. For me life is simpler when I can make the rules.

The lives we live are so chaotic, yer the only thing I have that makes sense.

********************

The movie they weren't watching has ended, Venus has tidied up their messes. Juan yawns and Tig is overly comfortable in his recliner.

"Chibs? You alright brother?" Tig slurs in a tired voice.

Chibs is brought from his daze, scratching the back of his head. "Yeah I'm fine. Just a wee bit tired."

Tig raised a brow. "It's almost midnight, you haven't said two words hardly since dinner."

He looked at his watch. "Midnight! Why didn't ye tell me to get out. Yer half asleep, Venus is asleep. It's past tha ones bed time."

Tig laughed. "You're such and old man. I didn't kick you out because y'all aren't bothering us. Not many people I'd invite over and not care if they went home or not. Just uh, lock the door on your way out." He laid back into his chair.

Juan was blushing, but he didn't say anything.

"Ye just wanted to stay up late. Ye know how ye get when yer up late. Like a gremlin that got wet ye are."

Juan stood up from the couch, smiling sheepishly.

"Good night Tiggy. Tell Venus for me?"Tig nodded.

Fillips hand landed softly on the back of Juan's neck, just holding on to him, more for himself than anything. "Yer so naughty Juan Carlos." He teased. Juan giggled knowing he was guilty.

"I know daddy. We going home now? I want to snuggy."

They made their way back out to their vehicles.

"Aye lad. Tomorrow what do ye think bout going up the house? Spending the day if the garage is slow?"

Juan's face lit up, he needed to find a way to convince Fillip, no, Daddy to move up there. He'd miss his brothers, but hell, if they moved up there they could visit. He wouldn't even have to hide anymore.


	20. 20

Juan tossed and turned in the big bed he shared with Fillip. He couldn't get comfortable, or shut his brain down. There was a big meet coming up with various charters to discuss the changes. The idea of being outed made his skin crawl, even worse it deepened his desire to cling to his safe space. Fillip let out quiet snores indicating he was resting well, annoying Juan just a little.

They'd had a good night, he'd even gotten to be little before he went to bed. Not for long and he didn't go all the way, but he got some much needed attention. Still it didn't settle the uneasiness he felt.

A firm arm settled around him, pulling him back a little, holding him in place. A sleepy Fillip, snuggled in close to him, kissing his neck. "Ye alright boyo?"

"Can't sleep. Sorry for waking you." Juice mumbled before kicking the covers off.

Fillip rolled over onto his back, looking over at the clock. "Wanna snack? It's barely past midnight, les go watch a movie?"

"No, I don't want to watch a movie Fillip. My brain hurts." He sounded annoyed at the suggestion.

Fillip reached over to grab a body part, any part of him he could use to pull him with. He gently pulled him till he was resting with his head on his chest.

"Whas on yer mind lovey?"

He shrugged his shoulder, tracing Fillips belly button round and round.

"I think ye do know. If ye don tell me I canno help ye." Fillip sighed, petting his hands over Juan's hair. "I wanna take ye away from all of this lad. Somewhere less stressful."

"We could move to the other house." Juan mumbled under his breath.

"Aye, but I don think yed be happy long term. Without yer friends."

"Beats dying because I'm a faggot who also likes it when my lover spanks me."

Another sigh from Fillip. "Come on lad, thas what this is all about? No ones gonna kill ye for fuckin me. Jax knows and Jax is law."

Fillip felt tears against his skin. "Lovey, wha can I do to help ye? I did no realize this was tearing ye up so bad."

Juan shrugged, but began to talk stuttering and rapid firing off thoughts as they came. " I just... Jax doesn't know everything. Not really. When you were gone, things changed so much. I'm not the same, I just, ugh... I don't know how to explain daddy. I don't know how to pick up where we left off, I don't want you to get bored of me. I'm afraid to do the things we talked about because what if you don't really want them anymore? What if Jax tells people at the meet about us? Do you want them to know? What if you have to choose the club or me? For any reason? What if I go to jail? I can't go back there, it was horrible the first time, I'll die if I go again. Worse than that, I'll end up doing the struggle snuggle with some bubba who found out I fuck guys. There are so many things inside my head, so many things. I'm just tired daddy, I'm exhausted."

He rambled, tears flowing freely. He didn't care anymore, Daddy's soft rise and fall of the chest was soothing, his hands rubbing over his hair and his back while he dumped out his heart made it bearable. He'd just let him talk, waiting until he was sure he was done to speak.

"Well lad... ye don _fuck guys,_ ye fuck me. We just take it day by day lad, jus like we did 'for I went in. I don expect anythin from ye, 'cept that ye be honest wit me bout yer needs. I still want everything wit ye, long as ye do. I do think we should pull ye back on club stuff lad. Maybe jus let ye do computers like the original plan. 'For dumbass Clay put ye on the front lines."

"Don't think Jax will go for that. He doesn't like me much anyway. I should just patch out, work in the garage or something. It'd be weird not being a Son, but maybe you're right."

Fillip hummed. "Well lad, with all the changes coming forward I think it will fine. Jax likes ye fine, he's jus no good at showing it. We can think about it all seriously and make a plan before we go to Jax okay. Just try to relax about the meet. Just cause we're together doesn't mean yer a different person, they're still yer brothers."

Juan wiggled free, climbing off the bed, Fillips eyes followed him in the dimly lit room.

"Gotta pee. Um... also, since we're awake, can I maybe have that snack?" He shuffled his feet on the floor, looking up at Fillip in the way he knew made the mans knees weak.

Fillip tossed a pillow at him. "Aye ye wee bugger, I'll get ye a snack. Then we're going back to sleep." Juan's giggle made Fillip laugh too. He knew the boy needed more attention than he'd been getting lately, he really hoped going up to the house in a few days would help.

Juan shuffled into the kitchen, squinting in the light.

"Hey lad, what if tomorrow we go get ye a few things for here? We can make this work for now, I'll clean out the spare room. All thas in there now is boxes of shite. If any one were to see it, they'd never be the wiser. I could simply tell them it was Kerriannes and I didn't have the heart to ever change it."

"Don't use her like that. We could make it into a _guest room._" He made air quotes around guest room. "Just make it standard, put my toys under the bed. It could be a guest room, you know... officially, but um, my hiding place otherwise."

Fillip bit back a smile with raised eye brows as he sat the plate of cheese crackers on the table. "Ye wan to? We can go to the store, stead of driving up to the house whenever we need to." He sounded befuddled, he felt that way.

Juan felt the blush, he wanted to back peddle. MaybeFillip wasn't ready for that. "I mean, you know... only if you wanted me too. I'm also fine keeping my weird stuff at the other house, just being normal here."

Fillip rolled his eyes, and laughed. He bent onto the table a little, lifting Juan's chin with his fingers. "Lovey I think that would be great. We would have more freedom tha way. I don't have shite here hardly for any of our "weird stuff." It would be good till we get to the house full time." He smiled big.

Juan's eyes lit up. "Thank you."

Fillip crinkled his forehead. "For wha love?"

Juan looked down for a second, and then back up. "For wanting me."


	21. 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some time with Juan and Fillip hanging out. They spend some time at the mall, just conversation.

Fillip didn't know what he was thinking taking Juan to the store. He loved to shop, could spend all day and an entire months pay in one day given the opportunity. Fillip could appreciate Juan's vanity to an extent, it made his boy easy on the eyes for sure. Today though, they'd came with on purpose to this god forsaken mall, to get a few "little" things for Juan Carlos to have in Charming. However, Juan wasn't feeling very small, thus getting the items was at the bottom of his list.

They'd wondered into some horrible clothing shop for young people. Fillip felt so out of place amongst the pop music, teenage girls and the couple of young men that browsed. Juice typically tried to dress nicely, Fillip had noticed that when Juan got to leave Juice behind he dressed slightly differently. More color anyway. This shop however, to Fillip did not look like something Juan would be interested in.

His young face helped him blend into the crowd better but Juan was in his thirties. Fillip just followed him around the racks of clothes, watching him pull out red shirts, blue shirts, most of them collared t-shirts with a print on them.

"Ye know this wasn't on the list Juan." Fillip murmured, amused.

"Yeah I know. We're not in a hurry though. Right?" Juan's eyes sparkled when he smiled.

Fillip shook his head no, propping his elbows on one rack, just watching. "What're ye lookin for in ere?"

"I like their polos, I get a lot of my clothes here. I just don't dress like a teenager Fillip. These sizes fit my frame though, I'm not hiring someone to tailor jeans for me."

He noticed the surprise on Fillips face, realizing that he hadn't seen him outside of Samcro, the garage or some other event at the clubhouse very many times. Even as they lived together Juan was mostly in those clothes.

"I like to dress differently when I'm not on club time. It helps me keep shit *Fillip grunts* stuff separate. Ya know?"

Neither of them had on their kuttes but Fillip was SAMCRO thru and thru. Even in just his jeans, and t-shirt he wore now he screamed of outlaw. Juan on the other hand, he considered briefly, besides the stupid head tattoos, he could clean up nicely. In long sleeves, if he wore a hat, no one would ever know he led a life of crime. 

"Yeah, suppose that makes sense. If it makes ye happy."

Juan smiled teasingly. "You know, we never finished moving stuff from my apartment because of house hunting. I have many more clothes there."

"Oi, then why are we ere? Les get on with it then."

Juan huffed but walked away from the wrack, they hadn't had anything of interest for him today anyway. They stepped out of the store into the mall, Juan casually bumped Fillips shoulder.

"I wanna hold your hand. I know we can't."

He whispered, cheeks flushing. Fillip slung his arm over his shoulder as he'd done so many times before. "This'll do for now?" He resisted the urge to kiss him when Juan looked at him nodding.

"I just take what I can get... Oooo! Look at that!" He pointed excitedly. Fillip looked around unsure of what he was supposed to be seeing.

"Clearance sale!" He grabbed his arm and rushed in the direction of the store. Fillip huffing the entire time.

"This is not a toy store Juan." He tried to sound angry but it didn't work.

"I bet they have some though. It's like that place we went before. They have all kinds of stuff in here. You could use some new jeans ya know?" Juan winked at him, knowing he was pushing his luck.

"Nothin is wrong with the ones I got. Now go look at whatever ye wanted to see and les get on with it. I want to watch the futball game tonight."

"Yeah yeah yeah... I know. Your gonna watch the game and I'm gonna be left all alone to fend for myself." He pouted making his chin wobble. Fillip bit his cheek to keep from smiling too big.

"I'll just get Tiggy to watch ye for me."

"What? No. It's our day, I am not spending it with Tiggy. I'd rather watch the game with you and drink your horrible beer." He teased.

"Yer not drinkin my beer lil one." Fillip spoke softly but Juan's cheeks heated anyway. He felt the flush spread over his entire body when Fillip called him that. He liked it, even if he weren't in little space.

"What about this shirt?" He wiggled his eyebrows already distracted.

"It's a red shirt Juan, what about it?"

Juan scoffed at the playful insult. "Well I'm getting it. I like it." He took the shirt to the cashier, Fillip standing behind him.

The cashier was a young woman, early twenties, pretty girl, annoying gum chewing habit. "This all for you?" She smiled at Juan, scanning the item. Fillip rolled his eyes knowing the girl obviously thought the kid was attractive. Juan nodded thanking her.

"I bet red looks good on you, with your skin tone and all. Can I see your tattoo?" She smacked her gum playfully, reaching for his arm. Juan extended his forearm showing her the reaper. "I do what I can. Wear a lot of black otherwise." Juan answered matter of factly, apparently oblivious to the fact the girl was flirting with him. Fillip rolled his eyes again at the sparkle in the girls eye. He leaned casually against the counter waiting for her to finish the transaction. He wasn't offended, if anything it filled him with pride knowing some young lass wanted what was his.

"It looks super cool. Do you have an account with us?" Juans cheeks tinged a little red, he did have an account and he knew Fillip would tease him about it. "Yeah." He smiled big at her, shoving Fillip when he sniggered under his breath, making her giggle also. "Email or phone number?"

"Uhhh..." he thought for a moment about which email it would be under. "Email." The screen on his side lit up so he could enter his email address.

"Josue Martinez?" She called out to verify the account. He nodded, cheeks super red.

"That'll be twenty four dollars and sixty five cents." She pushed some buttons on the screen, taking the card Fillip readily offered without thinking. "My names Brantley." She wrote her phone number across the bottom of the receipt. His cheeks flushed redder, he could feel the heat, when Fillip choked back a laugh before stepping back a little.

"Thanks Brantley. My Daddy doesn't let me date much." He gestured over his shoulder with his thumb towards Fillip, making her think it was a joke.

Fillips eyes almost bugged out of his head, but he decided to play along. Apparently the boy wasn't so daft he didn't realize the girl was flirting, but he'd literally just used Fillip to turn her down. Blatantly, even if it were unbeknownst to her. He gently tugged Juan's ear. "Aye lass. Perhaps 'nother time, when the wee ones'no spendin all me money." He turned up the accent, knowing well what it did to women, as well as Juan. Frankly he was finished being the one teased today. Watching her flirt with his lover only managed to replace his prior plans for the day with dirtier ones.

He clapped his hand around the back of Juan's neck leading him from the department store. "Daddy is gonna take ye when we get back. Ye understand lad?" His voice was deep and laced with a darkness that made the hairs in Juan's neck stand up.

"Yes sir." He whispered back, his cock already trying to respond.

"First we'll go to the toy store." Fillip spoke a little louder, putting a friendly distance between them.

"Ye know, I think she was sweet on ye lad."

Juan turned his head looking at him incredulously. "Sweet on me? What does that even mean Fillip?" He laughed.

"Ye know, fancied ye, wanted to take a tumble in the sheets wit ye, thought ye were right proper lad."

"Fillip, what the fuck are you talking? Is that even English?" He was laughing hard now.

"Ehy, language." He warned, Juan raised his hands in surrender. "She was flirtin with ye, ye numpty."

"Are you jealous?" Juan teased.

Fillip sucked his teeth just to be annoying. "A little. Mostly it turned me on, someone else wants what is mine. I couldn't have ye seein someone though, don't think I could handle tha."

Juan nodded, though he tinged with guilt remembering that one night. He still hadn't told Fillip about it. Truthfully he'd forgotten about it mostly. Also they hadn't gotten tested yet and they'd already broken the rule about waiting to have sex until they had.

"Uh, that reminds me. When do you want to go to the clinic? I mean, we've only... you know... once, and messed around. But, um... I'm ready if you are." He chewed his lip nervously, knowing this wasn't the time nor the place for a serious conversation.

Fillip pulled his hands from his pockets and cupped then in front of him. He stopped walking and turned to face Juan. "It's important to ye?" Juan nodded confused.

"Yer sure yer ready? To take that step together?" Juan nodded again, still confused.

"Yes, and you said it was important to you."

"Aye. ''Tis important. Just making sure we stay on the same page. I'll make us an appointment? Or do ye wan to make yer own? I have a doctor outside of Charming I see for primary care."

Juan shrugged. "Doesn't matter. Just want to go together."

They stopped in front of the toy store. "Alright, try to think about what ye might like. Ye can get two things. Go look, I'm going to call the doctor office."

Juan nodded and went inside.


	22. 22

They sat together in the clinic. They were a few hours outside of Charming, having told Gemma, Fillip had an appointment and would need a driver, hed gotten them both free for the day.

Juan's leg kept bouncing nervously, he tried to stay cool though. "I don't like needles." He murmured. Fillip put his arm around his shoulders.

"I know love, but ye will be fine. We can go together or separate. Whatever ye wan."

Juan took a deep breath. "What if someone says they saw us here? Together.

Now Fillip sat up, resting his elbows on his thighs. "Lad, so wha if they do? There are laws about the docs talkin. This is a normal doctor, we could be here for anything."

Juan wasn't sure why it bothered him so much, but it did. Between the two of them, he was the one that would get the most shit. Everyone liked Fillip, Juan knew he only got a pass because Fillip liked him.

"We're here so we can fuck without condoms."

Fillip chuckled, because what else was he supposed to do. "No one knows tha, and so what if they do?"

A nurse opened the door. "Juan"

They both looked up, Fillip looked over at him. "Come with me Daddy?" Juan mumbled out quickly as he stood.

The nurse looked between them about to stop Fillip from coming back.

"Fillip?" She questioned looking down at the charts in her hands. 

"Aye."

She nodded letting them both come to the back.

"Would you like to be in the same room or separate rooms?" She looked at Juan before she spoke again.

"You have the right to privacy, and can be seen alone."

Fillip would have been offended but he knew how he looked compared to Juan's big doe eyes.

"I want to go together, please?" He tried to sound confident. Fillip wouldn't lie to him and if he said they were safe here then he must be safe. The nurse nodded.

After collecting their vitals she handed them each a paper gown. "You'll need to put these on please. The doctor will be in shortly."

Juan sat on the exam table in his paper gown, his cheeks were glowing red. Fillip sat in a chair in a similar paper gown appearing unphased by it.

They each went over the questionnaire the nurse had left for them. Most of it was basic, some of it personal. Juan was more and more uncomfortable, he knew his secret was going to come out. He couldn't remember if Fillip already knew and that made it worse.

"Daddy." He spoke softly, reminding himself not to call him that when the doctor came in. Fillip hummed in response but didn't look up. Juan fidgeted for a moment, rubbing his hands over his Mohawk nervously. "Fillip?"

Fillip looked up at him. "Wha is it lad?"

Juan chewed on his lip anxiously. "I know now probably isn't the best time. I need to tell you something."

Fillip raised a brow, looking concerned. "Okay. Well wha is it?"

"Please don't be mad. I can't remember if I already told you or not. I forgot until now."

Fillip sat down his clip bored, furrowed his brow becoming concerned and preparing for something awful. "We'll get on wit it. Yer stressin me out."

Juan fidgeted some more trying to get his words together. "When I went out with Ope and the guys, um... when you were locked up. I fucked some girl. I don't even remember her name, but I did it. I'm sorry." His eyes had welled up with tears, he was trembling.

Fillip really didn't know what to say. He has anticipated it may happen at some point. Crow eaters, someone was bound to push one of them. They had appearances to keep up. Still it upset him that Juan had kept it from him.

"Okay. We can discuss tha later. Les jus get through this appointment."

"Are you mad?" Before Fillip could answer the door opened.

"Hello gentlemen. I'm Dr. Kirk, what brings you both in today?" He shook both their hands, flipped through their charts. "Routine screens? Either of you have any symptoms?"

"No." They answered in unison.

"You are partners? Any other partners?"

"Aye." "Yes."

"No partners since we been together. Jus wan to get the all clear 'fore we move thins along."

The doctor nodded. "Very good. That's very responsible. Have either of you been tested before?"

Juan spoke up. "I've always gotten tested between partners." He smiled.

"Same." Fillip agreed.

The doctor seemed pleased with this. "Alright this will be pretty quick then. I'll do a brief exam, and collect a urine sample as well as a blood sample. Results will be in in a few days. You'll need to remain abstinent until then, or at least use condoms. I can give you condoms if you need them. I also recommend using lots of lubrication for any anal intercourse. Reduces the risk of tears, discomfort, and the transmission of infections." The doctor conducted his exam while speaking. Juan bit back giggles, Fillips cheeks tinged red at the mention of anal intercourse. Neither of them could imagine having a job where uttering those words were so commonplace you just speak them as if you were asking for soda.

"Any questions?" They both replied no. "I'll send the nurse in to collect the blood."

Once they finished up at the clinic and made it back to the car Juan felt like he would explode. His nerves were all over, he wanted a shower and he was pretty sure Fillip was mad at him. He pulled out his phone to text Jessica.

"I'm going to drop ye off with Tiggy and run to the grocery. We're going up to the house tonight." He spoke very matter of fact, keeping his eyes on the road. Juan wiggled around in his seat feeling uneasy.

"Okay. That will be good." He squeaked out.

The rest of the ride was quiet, Juan just wanted it to be over. He wanted things to be regular, he wished he could put the words back in his head and not say them. He really wished Jessica would reply to his message.


	23. 23

Juan got out of the truck at Tigs, walking as slowly as he could up the driveway. "What about the soccer game?"

Fillip grunted in response. "It's recording. Now move along."

"Why am I staying here? I can go to the grocery store with you." He practically whined.

"Ye like Tiggy and Venus, I wan to go by myself. I'm not leaving ye for long." He rubbed his back soothingly.

"But why?"

Fillip huffed, knocking on the door. "Because I need to clear my head. I'm not leaving ye alone so yer stayin ere. Do not argue wit me. I'll be back soon, and we will go to our safe space." He kissed him on the forehead.

Tig opened the door, hair in a disarray more so than usual. "Did I forget something?" He scratched his hair looking at them confused.

Juan didn't say anything, just stood beside Fillip feeling like a scolded child. He knew he was pouting and he didn't care, he was upset. Unfortunately he was rapidly losing control of the situation and himself.

"I need to run an errand, do ye mind?" Fillip gestured to Juan. Who now looked very unhappy. The voice inside his head telling him to protest, he was an adult, he could just leave. However as per usual he shushed the voice, knowing Fillip was usually right.

"Yeah, that's fine. Venus is out for a few hours. It'll just be us." He smiled, trying to get Juan to smile. He just furrowed his brow more.

Tig moved to the side letting them into the house, Juan drug his feet stalking to the couch. He plopped down pulling his phone back out.

"What's with him?"

Fillip rolled his eyes and groaned. "I need to clear my head. Think 'bout some stuff. 'E knows I'm upset with him. Hadn't been small for a while, but I think this ordeal may have catapulted him into little space."

Tig sighed. "What am I supposed to do with him? I mean in general? We can hang out but, if he's small or whatever? Is he in trouble?" As much as he had come to like Juan, he didn't know their rules, or what was going on. He was going to need more information.

Fillip shook his head no. "Jus keep em occupied. I'll go talk to em."

He went into the living room and knelt down in front Juan, who was busy texting. "Juan. Look at me lad." He didn't respond. Fillip hates the phones, everyone had them, zombified by them. He reached out and took the phone, turning it face down on the couch so he didn't breech his privacy. Juan huffed and looked away.

"I'll only be gone a minute. I canno leave ye by yerself when yer like this."

"Why can't I go with you? You're going to leave me here and not come back." He mumbled fighting tears.

Fillip places his hands on either side of Juan's face, looking at him with gentle eyes. "Geez lad, I'd never do tha. I need a moment to think, before I address wha ye told me at the clinic. I'm no mad at ye, an I'm not leavin ye." He pressed his forehead against the others. "Juan Carlos yer gonna have fun with Uncle Tiggy and I'll be back to get ye. We're going to the house. Together. Do ye wan yer game thing ye got today?"

Juan Carlos wiped his eyes on the back of his hands, nodding yes. "Venus doesn't like when I'm small. I didn't mean to."

"It's no tha she doesn't like it buddy, it's tha it's jus not her thing. Thas okay. I know ye didn't mean too. Ye have been a big guy for a long time, but ye don have control righ now. It's natural for ye to be small when yer overwhelmed in a safe place. Thas why yer here and no at home. Daddy knew yed need some help while I was gone." Fillip moved to sit beside him, he pulled him into a tight hug. He'd long since learned verbal responses from Juan Carlos were few and far between.

"Ye jus have fun while I'm gone. I'm going to get yer game from the car. No texting while yer in little space." He looked at him sternly, but Juan Carlos knew there was a practical reason. Little texting was like drunk texting and typically wasn't a good idea. He was only allowed to text Fillip or Tig when he was small.

Juan Carlos nodded, putting his phone in his pocket.

Tig looked over at him, he was folding in on himself, making himself as physically small as possible on the couch. "You want to watch something? Snack?" Juan Carlos shook his head no.

Tig sat in his recliner flipping on the TV. "Well I'm gonna watch Scooby Doo. I love that dog. If you want to watch it with me you can." Juan Carlos didn't move. Fillip came back in with the DS.

"This thing has to charge I think. Well ye know what to do with it don't ye? More than I do anyway." He chuckled plugging it into the outlet and handing it over. "Don't turn into a veggie with this thing." He ruffled his head.

"We'll have fun. No worries Chibbie." Tig winked at him giving him a thumbs up.

"Love ye Juan Carlos." He kissed his head. "No more tears huh?" Juan Carlos nodded. He settled back into the couch and focused on getting his game set up to play. He cringed when Fillip walked away, and silent tears started to fall when the door closed.

They heard Fillips truck leave the driveway, Tig paused the screen and turned to Juan Carlos.

"Alright kiddo, talk. What did you do?"

A shrug, a sniffle.

"I think you do know."

"I just don't want to be here alright! I want to be with Daddy!"

"I understand that. But you're here, so let's just make the best of it? You wanna be big and talk business?" A head shake.

"Okay, then what are you so upset about? You have words, I'm going to need you to use them for me. Please?" Tig was patient and understanding, but the not talking thing drove him a little crazy. At least in the time Juan had stayed with them he'd seemed to learn his limit on that.

A big sigh. "He's going to think too much and decide he doesn't want me. I broke the rules."

Tig chuckled. "He doesn't give up that easy. If he didn't want you he wouldn't have promised to come back. Trust me on that one."

Juan Carlos sat back on the couch, thinking, pushing buttons on the game. Tig made his way into the kitchen. Juan's brain was rapid firing the way it always did, coming up with all the reasons Fillip would leave him, why he didn't deserve to be a Son. A real Son wouldn't be sitting here now with a handheld video game, crying on another Sons couch like a baby because his boyfriend who was also a Son went to the grocery store. He just couldn't understand how this was his life, this is what he'd become.

This whole messed up thing, and somehow he was typically his happiest when he was with his boyfriend whose also a Son. Nothing in his world made sense to him right now. Nothing, except his very basic needs and emotions, that's all he could handle.

Tig came back into the room, seeing Juan so troubled was upsetting. The guy was usually easy going, smiling, funny. Today he was just so glum it was almost pitiful. "Here you go." He handed him a large bowl of ice cream, with whipped cream and chocolate sauce, cherries and sprinkles. He sat himself beside the smaller man on the couch.

Juan Carlos lit up a little for a moment before shrinking back down. "I haven't had dinner yet."

Tig dig into his own bowl. "Me either. But... in this house, while Venus is gone at least, I make the rules. And I say we can eat giant bowls of ice cream."

Juan loved sweets, everyone knew it, one day they'd probably be the death of him. He'd die happy at least.

A genuine smile crept across his face, he took a large spoonful. "Cheers." He held his spoon out to tap Tigs, who laughed and tapped for him.

"Cheers kid."

Finally he'd started to relax, laughing at the cartoon, eating till his stomach hurt, time had gone by much quicker this way. They heard the truck pull into the driveway, Tig stood to take his bowl. "Think I hear someone coming." He wiggled his eyebrows.

Juan Carlos excitedly jumped from the couch and ran to the door waiting to greet Fillip. His mood had greatly improved spending time with Tig, even though the pit of his stomach told him he was probably still in some sort of trouble. Fillip did come back though, and that made whatever was to come at least bearable.


	24. 24

They walked into the house after what seemed to be longest ride ever from Tigs house to Fillips. Fillip had spent his time trying to put together his thoughts, he felt bad that Juan thought he was upset with him. He also thought it was probably a good thing. He was going to have to tread carefully and be deliberate, he was ready for this particular guilt to be over. He also had a few other things he wanted to address.

"I wan ye to go sit on the couch Juice." He hung his kutte as he spoke. Juices head snapped upward in surprise. He wasn't sure if Fillip had called him Juice deliberately or if it had been a slip, but he didn't like it. Usually he liked his nickname fine, but in this context it made him uneasy. He finished getting his boots off, hanging his kutte beside Fillips and made his way to the living room.

Fillip came into the room shortly after, two beers in hand. He extended one to the other man, hoping that maybe it would settle his nerves. Juice sat nervously on the couch, arms resting on his knees, bent forward a little. He took the beer hesitantly, considering for the most part Fillip didn't let him drink much. Even at the club, while he did let him have a few with the guys, he wouldn't let him get trashed. Which is what would happen when left to his own devices.

Fillip sat on the other end of the couch, pulling one leg up onto the cushion so he could lean against the arm rest. The position was casual but allowed him to face Juice and be closer to him than the chair across the room. "Alrigh Juicy Boy, we need to have a chat."

Juice looked back up at him, turning himself on the couch to face Fillip, mimicking the way the other man sat for comfort. "Okay." He nodded, then took a big gulp from his beer.

"Let me start by tellin ye I'm not mad at ye. I'm not breaking up wit ye, or anything else yer mind is comin up wit. I wan us to talk, I called ye Juice because I do not wan either of us in a role. Chibs and Juice, jus havin a chat okay lad?"

Juice nodded, though still a little confused. Nevertheless he trusted Chibs to know what to do regardless of what name he called him.

Chibs finished off his beer and sat the bottle on the side table. "So the big thing ere, to ye, is tha ye shagged a lass while I was away. Correct?"

Juice looked slightly confused for a flash of a second and then translated the words in his mind. "Yeah."

"Ye did tell me already. Sort of, ye had a hickey so big."

He was smiling, trying to convey that there was no way he didn't know, gesturing to the side of his own neck.

"I teased ye about it, I tol ye lad, I didn't wan yer life to stop. If tha lass had been a bloke I'd honestly probably be hurt. The life we live, we're both goin to be put in situations where..."

he paused rolling words around in his head.

"Frankly, women are going to come up, we have to keep up appearances, we both have desires that the other canno fulfill. 'Less ye have a pair of tits hiding somewhere."

He raised a brow, feeling a little better when Juice chuckled.

"Ye like women Juicy, thas okay. I like'em too. I know I tol ye I didn't wan to share, that ye were to be with only me. I did mean tha, but I think in tha moment I wasn't clear. We didn't go into details of the various possibilities. I will not have ye fuckin a bloke, tha I canno allow. Do ye understand? Did ye use a condom?"

Juice nodded, he felt a little better but he was confused as to why Chibs has seemed so upset when he told him. There was something else going on here, he didn't like it. "I understand. Yes I was careful. Chibs, I guess I'm sorry I brought it up again. It's just that we never really talked about it. I didn't know if you wanted too talk about it, how you felt about it. I did not feel good about it. Not really."

Chibs listened to him, taking in what he said. "Wha bothered ye about it?"

Juice took a deep breath. "I guess I just felt guilty, I drank way too much, Ope found these girls, she wanted it, so I went with it. I had been trying so hard to wait for you. I mean hell I only jerked off three times the whole time you were gone. I figured if I wasnt ready to have sex with you I shouldn't be getting that release. I... I don't know, it just bothered me, that I had been weak. Then it bothered me that I felt more like myself that night than I had in a long time. I didn't know if your reaction that day was just in the moment because of where we were and who we were with. Or if you meant it, that it didn't really bother you. Then I was upset that you didn't care. I had been feeling so shitty about it, and you just acted like it didn't matter I was out fucking. I felt bad for her, I used her. I didn't want you to be mad at me, I know what our life is. I just felt like I betrayed you. I wanted you to care, I thought you would care. You weren't here, I couldn't just say _hey Fillip, or Chibs what the fuck ever, I'm going out tonight, might hook up with a girl. Is that cool? _Nothing I'm saying is getting out what I need it to." He groaned in frustration, dropping his back onto the couch.

Chibs stubbed out his smoke, and sighed leaning into the couch. "So you felt guilty? Do you think maybe you needed me to be upset with you to justify your guilt?" Juice looked at him as if to say DUH! Chibs smiled a little, letting a silence hang between them as he gathered what he needed to say.

"Juice." Chibs swallowed, knowing what he was about to say could go very badly. He wasn't dominant in charge Fillip at the moment, purposefully. He preferred them be equal, felt that was the best way to go about it, to keep Juice level and figure out what was going on. "What is the one thing, the most important thing I ask of everyone?"

Juice furrowed his brow thinking, Chibs demeanor had changed and he felt more like the Chibs that would knock him out when he needed it. He liked Fillip better, Fillip was safe, Fillip wasn't so serious, and Juice felt like he was in real trouble. "To be honest?" He answered quietly and skeptically.

"To be honest." Chibs confirmed, fighting his own urge to back out, he had to bring up the issue. He didn't want to lose the relationship they had, but he knew Juice could very well choose to end it if he didn't like what Chibs was about to say. "I think tha maybe yer guilt stems from something else. Tha maybe foolin around is the easy sin to confess. Because inside of ye, ye knew I wouldn't be mad about it, but ye hoped I would punish ye because ye need me to."

Juice darted his eyes around not wanting to make eye contact. He was thinking over everything that had pretty much ever happened.

"Now is the time, if there's anything ye think I should know." Chibs was serious, Juice could tell, but he couldn't think.

"I can't think of anything. You're making me nervous. Did I do something?" He was uncomfortable, nervous and frankly he didn't like this game.

"Aye. I heard about yer little OD episode." Juices entire face paled, his heart stopped and he felt like he was going to die. He had pretty much forgotten about that, and he was taking his meds correctly per Venus' threat. He was seeing the therapist when he could get away, she even let him check in on the phone. She understood he couldn't always get up to see her in person, his safety was her priority.

"Oh. That." He squeaked quietly.

"Aye tha. Ye know how I feel about drugs Juice. After the last time ye over dosed and... well, do I need to remind ye wha happened? How I found ye?" His voice was no longer calm, he was visibly upset, cheeks reddened, fighting back tears. Juice shook his head no.

"I put ye back together, ye promised me, promised. Ye gave me yer word tha ye wouldn't do tha again. Tha it was a once off, tha ye weren't usin. I don care about the pot, but I will not tolerate drugs, or lies." He took a breath, trying not to be affected by the tears running silently down Juices face.

"I need to know why ye did it, and why ye didn't tell me. Because ye lived? Because ye don trust me? Wha reason could ye possibly have to do tha? I canno lose ye like tha. I canno take it." A few tears escaped his eyes despite his efforts to keep them at bay. Juice realized this was why the name formality was important, being equal. Chibs was preparing to let go, and Juices heart felt as if it were broken into a million pieces.

Juice tried to gather himself, he could take this opportunity to say to hell with it. Get up and leave, or he could face it, explain and pray he didn't lose Chibs at the very least as a brother. He breathed, trying to go through the exercises the therapist taught him, keeping panic at bay.

"I didn't do it on purpose. I was emotional and stupid yes. I missed you. I was scared, alone..."

he huffs out a breath, Chibs watching him, letting him talk it out.

"I got very drunk, very very drunk. I um... I don't remember if I already told you, I'm sure I did. I take medication for anxiety, ADHD, depression, that sort of shit. I had already taken my regular meds when I started to feel... too much... I couldn't handle it. I have an _emergency_ drug, Xanax. It's to stop panic attacks. I took two of them, I know it was stupid, but I didn't want to flip out in the club house. They don't need any more reasons to think I'm weak. Anyway, Jessie helped me to the back because I was too drunk to stand up really. After she left I started to feel heavy, not good at all. I knew I'd fucked up. I called for help, I didn't want to die. I was so scared Chibs, I thought I wouldn't see you again, that you'd leave me if you knew. I didn't mean too."

Chibs nodded in understanding, satisfied with his story. "Thas the same story Tig gave me. At least yer not lying. In the time we've been together, how many times have ye been high from mis-using yer medicine?"

Juice sighed again, he felt defeated, weak and small. Not the fun kind of small either, just plain disgusting and worthless. "A few times. I just... I don't take it like I'm supposed too."

Chibs snorted out. "Obviously."

"That's not what I mean. I don't want to be dependent on them, so I don't take them every day. If I feel like I need them I take them, sometimes I don't get it right, I take them together when I shouldn't have. I'm no good at managing them, I forget to take them, I take too many. It's not on purpose, I'm not using drugs for fun, or illegal drugs."

"These fainting episodes ye have are related to yer anxiety, and improper medication use, poor diet." Chibs rattled it off. He'd saw the note sheet from Tara in Juices bag. Juice nodded, crying more.

"Venus took them over while I was with them. Made sure I took them and stuff. I um... I started seeing a therapist to help me maybe find better medications. I'm trying Chibs. I'm not a junkie." He was basically pleading with the other man.

Chibs softened his features a little and nodded. "Aye. Ye have a choice here. Ye can give me a list of yer medications, I will be in charge of them. Or ye can keep doing what yer doing and end our arrangement." The pained look on Chibs face didn't escape Juice, and it broke his heart a little more.

"I can give them to you. You can talk to the doctor for all I care. I told you I wanted, no... I needed help. I need someone to take over for me. I'm no good on my own." His body began to shake as he lost the composure he was barely holding onto. Chibs moved closure to him, finally after what felt like forever.

He pulled him into a hug, soothing him gently. "It's alrigh Juice. I'm here, I'm not leaving ye. I worry for ye love."

Juice buried his face in the crook of Chibs neck, holding onto the man for life. "Can we stop Fillip?" He cried into the warmth of his body.

"Aye love, we can stop. I love ye Juan, I love ye so much." He placed a teary kiss on Juan's, head holding him tightly.

"I-I'm sorry. Sorry." He sniffled as he spoke.

Fillip patted his back, pulling back to look at him. His eyes looked less angry, and he had a slight smile. "Was worried ye weren't gonna pick me." He laughed half heartedly.

"I heard something else I need to ask ye about." He was smiling more now but Juan's heart couldn't take much more. He groaned and shrunk with worry.

Fillip chuckled, kissing his head. "Ye ran away? To Jessie's house?" He arched a brow. Juan relaxed a lot now, Tig already punished him for that. "Ye didn't go to Jessie's house did ye?"

Juan shook his head slowly no. "Went to the house. Just didn't want to be here. I'm irrational, and impulsive." He managed a cheeky grin. "Tig already um...handled... that though."

"Aye, I know lad. I know."

Juan sighed heavily, feeling that if he were ever going to tell anyone about himself now was the best time to do it. "Um... I do have another thing. I've never told anyone though. I've wanted to tell you, but I've honestly been afraid to open this Pandora's box of fucked up.

Fillip looked concerned, eyeing Juan as he sat back on the couch. "Well I guess now is a good time. Go ahead lad."

Juan looked up at him, back down, he picked up his empty beer and started picking at the label. "It's about how I ended up in Charming."


	25. 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juan taps into his roots unexpectedly and Fillip teases him about it.

Fillip sat uncomfortably on the couch with what Juan had said hanging in the air. He wanted to hear whatever he was willing to share, but part of him worried that Juan wasn't actually ready. Maybe they should take a break, come down from the last two hours of conversation and pick this up in the morning.

"Juan." He finally spoke, lighting another smoke. "I wan to hear what ye wan to tell me. I don wan ye to over do it. Tonight has been rough, why don we take some time, relax, and if ye still feel like sharing, tomorrow we can pick it up. What do ye think about tha?"

Juan's body was shaking, this entire ordeal had been nerve wracking in the worst way. He was thankful that Fillip was giving him an out, though he knew he wouldn't let it go. He nodded his head yes, his emotions rendering him silent.

"Come on love, les go on to bed?" Fillip asked quietly. He was exhausted from the events of the day, and frankly wouldn't mind going to bed early.

"It's only seven." Juan felt confused, he was exhausted but there was no way his head would let him sleep now.

Fillip nodded, stubbing out his smoke he extended a hand to Juan. "Aye, it is. Ye could use a rest, so could I. Don have to sleep, but we can take a rest.

Juan took his hand and followed him down the hall into the room they shared together.

He felt naked and exposed after their conversation, now relief set in that he didn't have to further expose anything. Even dressed he felt exposed, he turned his back to Fillip as he undressed and pulled on his sleep shorts. Fillip noticed but didn't say anything, giving his lover the space he was obviously in need of.

Juan lay down first, settling on his side facing Fillips side of the bed. He watched as Fillip slid beneath the covers, waiting for the other man to settle in. For a long moment they just looked at one another, Fillip laying casually on his back, one arm tucked behind his head. His fingers traced the palm of one of Juan's hands, calming his left over nervousness.

"I'm sorry, for everything I did Fillip." He whispered. Fillip turned to face him, placing a hand gently on his cheek. His thumb traced the outline of his jawbone.

"It's going to be okay, we're going to get everythin figured out for ye. Don stress about it lad." He kissed his forehead gently. Juan moved to put his hand on Fillips side, fingers fisting into the material of his shirt. He could feel the tears burning his eyes again, he tried to will them away but failed.

"I-I just l-love you so much. So much Fillip." He clung onto the other man as if he were clinging onto life. Fillips fingers brushed away his tears as he quietly shushed him, planting kisses over his face.

For a brief moment he pulled his face back, looking Juan in the eyes lovingly.

"I love ye Juan." He met his lips with his own, sweet kisses slowly turning into more passionate ones. Their bodies held close together, chest flush to chest, hands grasping desperately for skin.

Through the thin fabric of their shorts they could feel the hardness of one another's desires. Small whimpers leaving Juan's mouth with ever gentle brush of the other man against him. Fillips lips traced down his jawline, over his neck, relishing in the arch of Juan's body to meet his. Slowly he rolled himself on top, looking down into Juan's eyes.

Their kisses regressed momentarily to sweet loving drawn out kisses. One of Juan's arms wrapped around Fillips neck pulling him down to meet him, capturing his mouth in a deep kiss. His hips canting into Fillips hand when his fingers ghosted over his cock.

Fillips hand slid over the tightness of Juan's body, over his sides and down his hips before toying with his waistband. Slowly he let his hand slip inside feeling his length, running his thumb over the slick head. Gasps from the younger man stalled their kisses, before Fillip withdrew his hand all together.

He reached beside them on the night stand feeling for lube, after retrieving it, his attention focused back into Juan. His lips trailed over his lovers collarbones, back up his neck, tracing his jawline to his lips. All the while his fingers expertly rubbed the lubricant around his fingers of the other hand.

Their breathing was fast and rough with lust, both of them needing more. Fillip moved his lubed fingers back under the waistband of Juan's shorts tracing over his cleft. The younger one opened his legs wider instinctively, allowing his fingers to easily find their target. "I love ye Juan. No matter wha'. I love ye."

Juan couldn't speak, not really, his body was overwhelmed by sensation. Fillips fingers had made their way inside of him, deliciously opening him up slowly. Moans that started out needy had turned into desperate cries of need poured from Juan's mouth in a way that made Fillip want to drown in him. Carefully when it seemed to be time, they both managed to get their shorts down with minimal awkwardness, bodies reconnecting as quickly as they'd separated.

"I love you so much Fillip. I've never loved anyone as much as you." He breathed out, one hand tangling into Fillips hair, the other hand clutching the back of his thigh. He shifted, lifting his hips slightly from the bed, feeling Fillip lightly pressed against his opening. Fillips lips danced around the soft space of his neck where his shoulder met, licking and sucking, earning more soft cries from his lover.

"Are ye sure Juan? We can slow down." He whispered into his neck, his hands holding the other body close to his own. Mentally praying that Juan wouldn't say no, he was too far gone to turn back now. He'd have to beat off in the bathroom if things shut down now. Juan didn't answer at first, he only moved his body, grinding them together more.

"Words love." More kisses teased his neck, one hand moving over his body, fingers finding a hard bud of his nipple. His thumb traced over it, causing Juan's back to arch into the feeling. "Y-ye-yes I'm sure. Please Fillip."

As he finished his sentence Fillip pressed into him, slowly breaching the tightness of his hole. Juan grunted in discomfort as he slowly entered him, but felt relief as he settled completely inside him. After a moment his body adjusted, the involuntary clenching trying to push the intrusion out stopped, and welcomed Fillip,

"You can move. I'm okay." He spoke quietly, trying desperately not to ruin the atmosphere of the room. Love hung heavily in the air around them, and though this wasn't their first time together it felt more special than their first time had. Fillip thrust into him, maintaining a slow but deliberate pace, Juan's arms and legs clinging to his body octopus like.

Juan knew he was responding like many of the girls he'd slept with in the past, but he couldn't control it and he didn't care. The feeling was overwhelming as Fillip moved inside of him, their bodies becoming one. A phrase that had always seemed cheesy to him in the past but in this moment made complete sense. Fillips breath against his neck, his body pressed to him, the quiet words he whispered against him were sending Juan into a euphoric state. The coils inside him felt tighter and white hot, he moved his hips to meet Fillips, arching into him desperately for friction.

One of Fillips hands left his hip, the other stayed wrapped around his neck, holding him close to his body. The free hand moving to grip his cock, moving it in time with his own hips. A low whine from Juan let him know he'd made the right move. Only a few thrusts into it and Juan's body began to stiffen, his legs gripped tightly around Fillips waist almost stifling his movements. His back arched from the bed, his arms gripped tightly as his body was overflowing with feeling.

"FillipFillipFillipFilllllllllll." He called his name as if it were a string of explicatives, "no pares, no pares, no pares, por favor, sigue." The Spanish rolled off his tongue, his brain was fogged over and he couldn't even think to stop it. Spanish, something he'd left behind and hadn't spoken since he was a child, the words flooded his mind, he couldn't put together coherent English sentences. This overwhelming feeling, something completely foreign to him until this moment.

"Te amare por siempre, Fillip." The words came out as an elongated moan, his body going all but ridged, hands on either side of Fillips face, holding his gaze with his own as the coil inside his burst, orgasm wracking him blindingly. His body finally went lax, muscles spasming in the aftershock, as Fillip drove himself home, spilling himself freely inside of his lover. Tears silently rolled from the corners of Juan's eyes as he felt the tightness inside of him start to give way.

Fillip had slowly removed himself from within his lover, letting his body drape pliantly over him. Both of them panting heavily trying to catch their breath. Fillip let out a quiet chuckle against his skin. "I don have a clue what ye said love, but I think I liked it." He pulled himself up to look down at Juan, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. The heat began to rise in Juan's cheeks as he tried to think back over what he might have said.

"I- uh..." he shrugged, smiling brightly.

"I didn't know ye spoke Spanish, I'm guessing tha's what tha was."

Now Juan giggled a little, hiding his face with his hands. "I didn't know I did either."

Fillip kissed his cheek, rolled off of him and settled beside him, resting his head on his hand, propped by his elbow. "I fucked the Spanish back into ye." They both laughed for a bit. "I do love ye Juan, I have never had... an experience... like tha..." he held Juan's face in his hands, looking him deeply in the eyes. "Ever."

"Me either." He whispered back, before kissing his lover again.

"Now then, wha did ye say? I need to know." He teased, smiling when the heat returned to Juan's face.

"I said, Te amare por siempre. It means I love you forever." He grinned feeling like a teenage idiot.

Fillip grinned back at him, before rolling to get off the bed. "Whas that other stuff ye said?" Juan shrugged.

"I need a shower old man. I'm sticky and gross." Juan teased, darting to the bathroom. His young body much more resilient than Fillips, he beat him there.

"Aye, ye devil ye. Can I shower wit ye?" He watched as Juan started the shower, a slickness glistening on his thighs, he nodded and stepped in.

"Now ye can tell me wha ye said. No padis or whatever." In Fillips thick accent sounded nothing like Juan had actually said, making the other man laugh.

"It's not as sweet as the other thing Fillip." He smiled turning into the water.

"Oi, then I really need to know. Canno have ye teasin me in something I canno understand. Plus it sounded hot." He bit gently onto Juan's shoulder making him yelp in surprise, before groaning from the feeling. His body still feeling electric, the warmth of Fillips mouth was re-igniting the fire.

"You better stop, 'less your up for round two." Juan meant to sound teasing but instead it came out as an almost high pitched moan.

Fillip chuckled, slinging the water from his hair as he pushed it back from his face. "Guess I be'er stop then. Not as spry as ye are. Now tell me what ye said." He pinned him against the shower wall, his knee separating Juan's legs, grinding against his hardening cock.

He groaned out against the feeling, his breath stuttering. "I said...mmmmm" Fillips hand wrapped around him, a teasing smile still on his face.

"Wha, lad?"

Fillips hand moved a little faster, knowing it wouldn't take much to pull him over the edge again. "Ahh, I said, no-no pares, por favor, si-sigue." His rolled against the wall of the shower, he was coming undone again.

"Whas tha mean? Could it mean stop?" Fillip teased, knowing he was incorrect.

Juan's eyes burst open wide. "No! It-it means..." he shuddered and came in smooth jets around Fillips hand. It was much less powerful than previously but still rendered him exhausted. "I means, don't stop, please, keep going." He panted against the shower wall, the hot water spraying the new sheen sweat from his body.

"Tha wasn't so hard now was it? Let me wash ye off. I'll remember tha one, ye dirty devil." Fillip laughed as his boy as he continued to pant against the shower, swatting at him almost lifelessly, smiling.

"I'm gonna need dinner when we get done here. Just so you know." He spoke calmly as Fillip washed his body.

"Aye, me too. Ye wore an old man out."


	26. 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juan's head is a messy place and takes away his joy all too often.

Juan woke up early, before Fillip on purpose, wanting to check out his backside. He felt stiff, all of his muscles ached and his hole was sore. He had this annoying feeling that he had to poop that wouldn't go away, his lower belly had a tugging pressure. He had never felt any of these things after sex, he didn't recall feeling this way after the first time they'd had sex. He'd been a little sore but he didn't remember being this uncomfortable.

He didn't hate it, the discomfort made his cheeks flush. He was going to feel the residual effects for a few days at least. He slid out of the covers careful not to disturb Fillip, tiptoed to the bathroom down the hall.

He slowly removed his boxers, back feeling more stiff with the movements. Coming up with a way to see what he needed to see was going to be difficult, but he needed to know. He also put it on his list of things to ask the therapist about when he called into her next. Maybe he'd go in person, he could get away for a few hours and go, surely.

He stood in front of the long mirror in the bathroom, propping one leg onto the hamper. He bent forward, sideways, and back trying to pull himself open enough to see his own hole. He wasn't successful. He huffed in frustration and discomfort as he contorted around. After a few minutes he gave up, he sat defeated onto the toilet, he was uncomfortable, and exhausted, he could sit to pee. No one would know, not that it should matter.

He relaxed his body to let his bladder release, with the lack of support under his bum, and his newly relaxed position a long wind of air escaped. His cheeks flushed red, glad he'd chosen not to use the adjoining bathroom. The pressure in his lower belly felt a little better, he still felt crampy. He finished up annoyed, redressed and snuck quietly back into the bedroom.

The sun was just starting to peek through the curtains when he walked back in. The glow outlines Fillips body against the darkness, wrapping his fair skin in a blanket of bright warmth. Juan stood against the door frame smiling at his lover. In such a short time together, there relationship had had many ups and downs. Juan cherished every one of them, he never wanted to lose this man.

Looking at him laying there, sprawled out belly down on the bed, made Juan's insides feel bubbly. His face buried in the pillows arms stretched above his head, legs stretched wide, one bent upward making him look as if he were doing some yoga pose. Juan's kind drifted, he wrapped his arms around himself as his cheeks flushed from his own imagination.

_Would Fillip let him take him the way he'd allowed Fillip too? Did he even want that? Sure getting his dick wet was nice, but he'd never felt pleasure, or anything else that felt like last night had.Was it greedy if he just wanted to take Fillips cock? That was super gay, but he still liked pussy, so what the hell was going on with him anyway? Would he be as good at it as Fillip had been? Fillip deserved to feel that pleasure, he couldn't deny him that, it just wasn't fair. Did Tig let Venus...? Would Fillip let Tig if he would let him? Have they ever before?_

He'd seen plenty of gay porn, that was easy to find, it was helpful but not really. The only thing remotely close to anal play Juan had ever participated in prior to this experience was himself. He'd learned to fingerhimself in his early twenties, using a toy here and there but he'd never accomplished what Fillip had. He'd always just liked the feel of the stretch as he masturbated. Working with O'Neal of course he'd been subject to all kinds of things, but he didn't count that. Not now, not against Fillip or anything remotely fun. He would have never told O'Neal that he enjoyed having things in his ass, he would have made things so much worse than they already were.

He didn't want to think about that now. He was going to have to tell Fillip sooner or later anyway. He made his way out of the room, deciding he'd made them breakfast. He could do something useful, Fillip didn't have to take care of him all the time. He wasn't an invalid, he was more than capable of making breakfast. He had pulled up a recipes on his phone for Scottish breakfast items. Some of the items made him giggle while others made him cringe and pray Fillip would never make him eat it. Black Pudding would be a more effective punishment than spankings he was certain. He was also certain he'd never ever mention that to Fillip. He settled instead of fried egg, the sausages they had in the fridge, toast and he made hot tea.

He was in the process of frying an egg and squinting at his phone screen with a confused expression on his face. Deep in thought as he prepared the food. Typically he was a good cook, but some of the ingredient choices and steps were just absurd.

Fillip cleared his throat in the doorway of the kitchen, he was enjoying watching Juan shuffle around the kitchen, doing whatever it was he doing.

Juan turned around, eyes big like a saucer, he relaxed and smiled when he saw Fillip. "Morning, lazy bum. Thought you were going to sleep all day." He teased.Fillip entered the kitchen and wrapped his arms around the smaller man.

"Woulda, but ye left me alone. Bed got cold." He brushed his beard against Juan's shoulder before placing a kiss in the crook. Juan inched over, awkwardly getting the eggs onto a plate with Fillips arms still wrapped around him. Once he sat the pan back down he turned himself to face him.

"I made breakfast." He smiled up at the man. Fillip grunted in response, resting his chin on top of Juan's head.

"How do ye feel? Yer okay?" His voice sounded concerned, which confused Juan.

"Yeah I'm fine why?" He shrugged.

"Jus making sure. After las night an all. Wasn't really though out, wanted to check in wit ye. Make sure yer head ain't fuckin wit ye or anythin. Nothin hurts." He moved enough to tilt Juan's head and kiss his lips.

Juan sighed, not in upset, but happiness. "I'm a little sore, but not in pain. Don't think that's um... that's probably not a daily activity. I mean... do you think you just sort of get used to it maybe?" His cheeks flushed a bright red, he wiggled himself loose and grabbed their plates. Fillip hadn't responded, knowing there was more on his mind. He followed Juan to the table, and took his seat.

"This looks good lad. Thanks for brekki." Juan smiled proudly at him, squirming in his seat a little. The hard chair made him more aware of the soreness in his bottom. Riding his bike was going to suck most likely.

"Don't know if ye get used to it or not. If ye wan to, we can talk to Tiggy. He would likely know. Or ye can talk to yer doc if thas more comfortable." Fillip finally responded, taking a bite of his toast. Juan shrugged, picking at his food. His other hand rested on his lower abdomen, Fillip raised a brow, eyes concerned.

"My stomach hurts. I mean like it feels like I have pressure. I don't know how to explain."

Fillip scooted his chair back a little from the table. "Come ere lad." He motioned with his hand for Juan to come to him. Juan shuffled over, resisting a little when Fillip tried to pull him to his lap. Again Fillips eyes held concern.

"I can't sit there and have a normal conversation Fillip. We both know what will happen, and I don't think this is the kind of conversation Juan Carlos is going to have. My discomfort with the entire situation is making it hard enough." His tone was slightly annoyed but mostly sounded as if he'd given up.

Fillip nodded. "Okay. Well, I know bein small is a way for ye to hide from situations. So good job there, bein honest 'bout it. Jus know tha it's no a problem." Fillip smiled at the other man, resting his hands on his hips. He started to move one hand to his belly but stopped before he did. "Can I, uh... can I feel? Is tha okay or woul ye rather I not?"

Juan crinkled his brow, he didn't mind, but what was he feeling for? "O-okay. What are you looking for?"

"Jus wan to make sure nothing is wrong. I do think if it's bothering ye enough to no eat yer brekkie, ye need to talk to someone about it. Especially if it's related to sex." He moved his fingers around gently palpating Juan's lower belly. Nothing felt swollen or hard, he wasn't too concerned. "Ye probably need to take it easy, we can wait to do tha again. Make sure yer alright an all." Juan nodded, before sitting back down to eat his breakfast.

"I'll call this afternoon. Um... I need to make an appointment with Cassandra. The um... the therapist I've been talking too. Do you want to come with me?" He still picked at his food, nibbling here and there.

"Aye. If ye wan me too. I jus wan to know bout yer medications lad. Don need to pry into yer life."

Juan seemed to think it over before nodding. "You should probably come. That way I don't forget to tell you something. What days do you prefer?"

Fillip shrugged leaving it up to Juan. "I'd like you to come. At least for that part, you can wait outside for the rest." He tried to grin but it looked pained. Fillip had finished his breakfast, wiping his face with a napkin before he stood from the table.

"We gotta get ready for work lad. Come on." He extended a hand. Juan's head rested in his hands.

"Can I call in sick? I just want to sleep daddy."

Fillip sighed, feeling like an asshole because he must have hurt him in some way. He thought last night had been amazing, loving, something he definitely wanted to do again, but now that didn't seem possible. "Aye lad. Ye stay 'ere. I wan ye to call a doc, make sure yer alright. I'll let Jax know yer down with the flu." He patted Juan on the shoulder, lit his cigarette and walked towards the hall.

Internally he was beating himself up, he didn't want to worry too much until he talked to Tig. Of course he would urge Juan to see a doctor, make sure he was well. He had seemed fine until he started to eat, Fillip couldn't figure out what had gone wrong. He planned to take an early day, several of the guys were in Nevada on a run so it wouldn't be too busy anyway. He dressed quickly and made his way back down the hall. Juan had curled up on the couch in a tight ball, watching cartoons.

"I'm going to be home by lunch. I wan ye to call a doc. I'll drive ye if ye wan. I'm worried bout ye lad."

Juan smiled at him, reaching up gently touching Fillips face. "Don't worry daddy. I'm fine. Gonna call the doctor, make appointments. I'm going to look for some houses online. My belly is just sore and my muscles hurt. I'm sure I'm fine."

Fillip kissed his head, pulling a blanket from the back of the couch he tucked it around him. "Jus rest lad. I'll be home soon okay. Love ye." Juan didn't respond but he smiled.

He couldn't tell Fillip why he suddenly felt so much worse. He didn't know, he couldn't control it. For some reason unknown to him O'Neal was in his head and he couldn't shake it. He really hoped having a few hours to get his head straight would help and he'd be fine when Fillip came home.


	27. 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juan starts to feel a little better.  
I hope there aren't too many errors in this one. I've been working on it for a week, and just wrapped it up. Wanted to get it posted before the holiday.

After Fillip left Juan removed himself from the couch. He paced the living room a bit trying to clear his head. He felt bad that Fillip thought he'd hurt him, he hadn't. He was only slightly uncomfortable and he wasn't too concerned about that. More than anything he just wanted Fillip to fix the problem he had now.

He called Jessie first mostly just to talk to her. She didn't answer, which bummed him out, but he remembered her man was home on R&R still. Next he called Cassandra, hoping she could see him this evening and Fillip could come.

He made the appointment for 4:30 that afternoon. The clinic they'd gone too about their STD screening still hadn't called him about his results, that was concerning. He picked up the phone to call them, only to be intercepted by an incoming call on his burner.

"_Hello_?"

"_Juice_." Jax voice buzzed through the line. "_Chibs said you were down. You think you might be up to looking for something for me?"_

"_Yeah, what's up?"_ He asked cautiously.

"_We need some intel on a guy. Came through the shop with a fancy ass car. Never seen him before, said he's new to Charming. I'll send you his info."_

"_Yeah okay. I'll get on it._" He agreed.

"_Thanks brother. Feel better."_

"_Yeah, going to the doctor today. Hopefully it's not actually the flu."_

_"You want me to have Tara come by?"_ Jax offered in earnest.

Juice felt nervous. How could he refuse her and it not seem suspicious. "_Nah man it's cool. I've got an appointment with my regular doc. I try not to take advantage of her services. Thanks though."_

"_No problem. Oh hey, Chibs said to remind you he'll be there around lunch, so you can send info back with him."_ The line disconnected before Juice could reply.

This was the part of his job in the club he liked. He could do the tech stuff, he hated going on runs. He hated hauling guns, carrying them in general. He always worried he was going to shoot himself in the ass the way they kept them tucked in their pants. He wasn't cut out for this kind of stress, but he could hunt down guys online. He was confident with his computer, he knew exactly what to do and how to do it.

He waited for Jax instructions to come through on the burner. He called the clinic while he waited, hoping to get some piece of mind.

A soft spoken woman answered the line in a hurried voice.

_Hi. My name is Juan Ortiz. I had an appointment about a week ago. I wanted to see if my results had came in?_

He tried not to sound nervous but he was. He didn't know why though. He wasn't super worried about anything being positive, his tests had always come back clean.

_Can I get your date of birth please? Also were you given a client ID number? _

He hadn't been given a number far as he knew. _November fourth nineteen eighty two._

He could hear her clicking keys on the other side of the line. _Okay. I have you here. Looks like everything came back good. Is there anything else I can do for you today?_

He sighed in relief. _No thank you. That's all._

She was in the middle of telling him to have a good day when he hung up the phone. His burner had started dinging one after another.

An image came through of a business card. _Joseph Sorelli Chief Loan Officer Patagonia Bank and Trust. 2444 Case Street, Lodi California_

He figured he'd start with the address and then get a scope on the rest.

The address didn't turn up anything, just an empty lot. He researched the bank, it didn't exist. Juice was feeling the fire now, he loved the rush.

He was deep in his search trying to pin down this mystery person. He'd text Jax for the make of the car and tag number but he hadn't responded yet. He pulled files on the name, legal documents etc.

The rattle of Chibs Harley drew him from the computer screen. His discomfort had long since been forgotten in his fury of detective work. He was excited to share his discoveries with Chibs, he'd worked hard on them. He worked hard for the club, so often they over looked what he did, but on more than one occasion he'd saved their asses. He was proud of what he did for them, and he held on to the fact that Chibs would be proud of him too.

He tried to hold himself together but Fillip just brought this thing inside of him alive. He still didn't have a good name for it, but he knew he was happy.

He met him at the door, as he often did when he was home first. He helped him remove his cut before wrapping his arms tightly around his neck.

"Ye seem to be feelin better lad. Ye have a good mornin?" He wrapped his arms around his waist, kissing him on the temple.

"Yeah, it's been okay. My insides feel better. Appointment made for four thirty." He shied a little, pulling back. "You still good to come?" 

Fillips hand rubbed his back in quick circles. "Aye, I'll be there." He let go and moved into the living room. "So ye been working?" He gestured to the open computer on the coffee table.

Juan smiled his big smile, full of pride. "Yeah! I've been working all morning. So turns out whoever this guy it, it ain't fucking Joseph Sorelli. That guy died four years ago. So now I just need a few more pieces to the puzzle and I'll nail him. Figure out what he's doing here."

Fillip chuckled clapping Juan on the shoulder. "Yer so cute when yer proud of yerself. I'm gonna let that curse word (he arched a brow grinning at Juan)slide.

Juan laughed, his cheeks flushing red. "Are you home for the day?" He flopped onto the couch.

Fillip rubbed his hands over his face. "No darlin. Jus for lunch. Then I'll be back in time for your appointment." He gripped his thigh.

"Oh hey! I got good news today." Juan chirped trying not to be down about Fillip leaving. Fillip grunted in response, shifting to get more comfortable on the couch.

"My labs came back good from our visit."

"Thas good lad." Fillip laid his head back, one arm slung over his eyes. Juan shook his head smirking.

"Old man, take a nap. I'll make you a sandwich."

Fillip only snored in response. He worked too hard, pulling hours in the shop, constantly going on runs, regular club drama. He was always busy, Juan appreciated everything Fillip did for him. For everyone really. Fillip was steadily trying to get Juan out of the club, into strictly tech, no patch. The financial cut that would bring was going to be a burden, not one Juan was looking forward too.

"Hey... Hey... Fillip. Chibs..." Juan groaned in feigned annoyance, toeing Fillips boot trying to wake him. "Fiiiiiillliip" he sing songed. No response, Fillip kept snoring.

He sat the plate down on the table, grinning deviously. "DADDY!" That was effective. Fillip startled awake, choking on his own breath.

"Are ye okay? Have ye lost yer mind?" He laughed, he wasn't sure if it was from the adrenaline or the shit eating smug look on Juan's face. "Ye have a bad habit of scarin old men. Naughty." He winked.

"Made you some lunch. Eat up. I'm going house shopping this afternoon before my appointment. Any preferences?" He rocked back on his heels still grinning.

"I trust ye lad. Thanks for lunch. Whas got into ye? Yer like a different person since I left this morning."

He shrugged. "I'm just happy to see you is all. Kept myself busy with this, feel better. Do you gotta go back?"

He made himself comfortable beside Fillip on the couch, lacing their fingers together.

"Aye lad. I do. I'd stay here if I could lovey." Fillip squeezed his hand.

"Can you stay? I'm sick member." He pouted up at the man.

Fillip shoved him playfully. "Yer not sick boy. Yer sore cause ye spent the night on my..." Juan's eyes were huge, his face was a shade of red impossible for his tan skin. Fillip trailed off and didn't finish the sentence. "Well ye know good well wha ye were doin.I have to go." He traced his tattoos with kisses over his head. "I'll see ye soon. Stay out of trouble."

"No promises." Juan stood to follow him to the door, Fillips grunted, mind coming up with all the ways Juan could get himself into trouble.

"Do I need to send Tiggy by to check in?" Juan smiled and shook his head no. "Or maybe ye need a round o're my knee?" Fillip pulled his cut on, wiggling his eyebrows at his lover.

Juan laughed and shoved Fillip the rest of the way out the door. "Stop teasin me." Fillip opened his mouth to respond but Juan's lips on his stopped his words. Fillips hands found Juan's waist pulling him in closer, Juan's hands moved to clutch Fillips cut deepening the kiss.

Reluctantly they both pulled back. "Have a good day, see you soon."

Fillip ran his fingers through his hair. "Aye. I'll tell Jackie wha ye found out. Keep yer burner on. Love ye Juan."


	28. 28

Jax met Chibs in the lot of TM, flicking a cigarette into the gravel. "Any news?"

Chibs pulled off the barely legal skull bucket, shoving his gloves into his pocket. "Aye. Not much, not yet. Juice jotted down some shite or another. Ere ye go." He handed him the now wadded up paper.

"Thanks man. How's he doing anyway? Everything good?" Jax glanced at Chibs knowing he was treading thin ice with the question. "I mean, he doesn't really have the flu does he?"

Chibs chuckled. "No. He really isn't feeling well though. Somethins botherin em and he ain't tellin me wha."

Jax nodded, lighting another smoke. He took a deep drag from it and passed it to Chibs, who returned the pattern before choking out smoke. "Tha ain't right. Wha the hell is tha shite?"

Jax rolled his eyes. "To strong for you old man?"

Chibs rolled his eyes trying to hide the smirk the stupid name brought to his face.

"Wha is it with ye wee bastards callin me old?" He took the joint and kept it. "I'm headin out soon. Jus came to bring ye tha. Takin em to the doc. Party still a go for tonight?"

Jax squinted trying to look intimidating. "Yeah, It's on. Lover boy coming?"

A sigh. "Aye. Es comin. Ye don go pesterin em."

Jax smiled a genuine smile. "I see what he sees in you Chibs. He's a lucky man." He clapped his shoulder and turned towards the garage leaving Chibs in the lot.

Chibs shook his head, kicking rocks, hands shoved into his pockets like a blushing school boy. He walked the few steps back to his bike to head back home.

***********

"Juicy boy! I'm back love." He called from the living room.

"In here!" Chibs finished removing his boots and followed the voice down the hallway to the bedroom they shared.

"You weren't gone long." Juice smiled at him from the bed.

Chibs took a deep breath looking over the naked figure on the bed. A slight sheen of sweat glistened on his muscular frame, the room smelled faintly of what could only be Juan. Jax thought Juice was the lucky one... Jax had no idea what this man did to him. "What're ye doin lad?" He smiled, tossing his jacket onto the dresser.

Juan shrugged, cheeks red, trying to look innocent but his smile was full of proud guilt. "Just keeping myself busy."

He approached the bed, leaning forward to rest his hands on the mattress. He kissed Juan's forehead and then his lips. "I can see tha. Thought I tol ye to stay out of trouble." His voice was raspy as he lowered it to a rumble.

A shiver went down his spine, his cock twitching back to life. Chibs nuzzled his neck, leaving bites and kisses. "Maybe I need to start lockin ye up if ye can't keep yer hands off my thins." He thickened his accent just to see Juan squirm.

Juan swallowed thickly. "I don't know what that means but umm... it sounds both horrible and intriguing."

Chibs kissed him again before moving back. "I'll explain later. See if yer really interested. Ye need a shower." A quiet whine coming from Juan at the loss of contact, as he scooted off the bed.

"So are we going to the party tonight?" Juan felt a little shy about it. They couldn't go officially together, no one in the club knew about them except Tig and Jax, maybe Gemma. This was the first event they've had to attend since being a couple. He was worried about how the night would go. There would definitely be Croweaters... he sighed at his own thoughts.

"Yeah, I thought we'd go. I'm enforcing yer two drink limit. Ye get handsy and sloppy when ye drink too much."

Juan nodded in agreement, stepping into the shower once Fillip had dubbed it acceptable. It was amazing how parts of their routine felt normal now. Juan relished the safety of it.

"Fillip. One more question."

He sighed into the warm stream of water, relaxing more.

"Wha lad?" He called from the doorway.

"Are you high right now?"

Chibs laughed in response and went back into their room to get out clothes for him. He didn't have to answer, Juan wouldn't have asked if he didn't already know. Pot wasn't against their rules anyway.

After a few minutes a towel clad Juan came back to the room, smiling ear to ear. "Can't believe you held out on me."

Fillip hugged him from behind tightly, rubbing his bearded chin over his neck. He watched the goosebumps spread over his lovers skin humming in approval. "I'm not the only one who held out on someone today." He swatted his backside with a pleasant pop and rushed away before Juan could retaliate.

"Put yer clothes on ye numpty. We gotta get ye to the doc. Also I haven't forgotten about yer insides or whatever. I expect ye to talk to someone about it. I will ask Tig if ye don't handle it." He raised a brow in warning.

Juan had five hundred different things he wanted to tell Fillip about but he didn't have the time for any of them. He hoped he wouldn't forget them later.


	29. 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juan and Fillip see the therapist. A lot of dialogue.

Juice sat with his therapist as she pulled up his notes.

"You seem to be quite cheery today Juan."

He smiled beaming. "Yeah. Things are mostly going pretty good. Da-um... my partner came. I'm excited he cares enough to be here."

"It's great that he makes you so happy. You've touched a little on your life, and your relationship. You can use his name, I can't turn him in or anything. Have you still not told anyone about your relationship?"

Juan blushed. "We're not conventional." He mumbled a little.

"Juan, I can assure you, nothing you tell me can surprise me. As long as you're not in any harm you have nothing to worry about. Can you tell me about him?"

"He's great. He's my best friend. Well that's how all this started anyway. He just knows what I need, he always has. He takes care of me. There's a party tonight. I'm a little worried about how it's going to go."

She jotted down some notes. "You met through your club?" He nodded. "How old is he? What's he look like? Is he funny? Tell me the good stuff Juan." She snickered playfully.

"He's tall, Scottish, thick accent that makes my insides feel like lava. He has dark brown hair but it's greying a little, in the way that makes him look distinguished not old. He's 46, but I'm 32 so it's not a huge deal." He sounded defensive.

She jotted some more and nodded with a smile. "It's not a huge deal Juan. You're not a minor. Would you say maybe some of your attraction and defense about him being older is that his age assisted in your attraction?"

Juan blushed deep red. "Oh yeah. I don't get on with people my own age. I don't really make friends easily in general. He's mature and has his shit together. Basically my opposite."

"You've mentioned before needing that care and guidance that he seems to provide for you. Much like a father might. Does he help fill that void for you?"

His eyes went big and he blushed deeper.

"No judgment Juan. I just want to understand the things you have difficulty expressing. This is not uncommon. Have things progressed intimately between you since your last visit?"

Juan sighed now. "Yeah, and it was amazing. I've never felt like that before. Ever. This morning though I was hurting. It worried him. My head got all messy and I started thinking about the past."

"He doesn't know about your past?"

He shook his head no.

She jotted some more and changed the subject. "What are you worried about the party?"

He looked nervous just thinking about it. "That I'll do something stupid and then everyone will know. I actually think he could care less if everyone knew but it worries me."

"So you're afraid to come out to your friends, is he already out?"

Juice snorted a laugh. "God no. They'd probably not want to hang out with us anymore. Well I don't know. I feel like he'd get a pass."

She jotted. "I want you to ask yourself these questions. I don't need answers right away. Think on it. Are these good friends then? If you can't talk to them and be yourself? Why does your partner get a pass but you feel you won't? Would your partner support you in coming out?"

He sighed. "Okay. I'll think about it. Will you write them down for me?"

She nodded and wrote the questions down.

"Okay, well, if you're ready you can step out into the hallway and get him. I'd like to speak with him for a moment one on one. Get a feel for him, see what his concerns are and then I'll bring you back in to wrap up. Remember Juan, this is a safe place. Nothing you tell me can be repeated, not even to him without your permission. You've given me permission to discuss your medications. That's all. I just want to hear his candid input." She smiled fondly at him and he opened the door slowly.

Fillip was in the hallway flipping through a Cosmo magazine, rolling his eyes. "Fillip." Juan whispered trying to find his voice.

"Aye lad? Ye all set?" He shook his head no.

"She said you can come in now. She wants to just talk to you before I come back."

Fillip rubbed his back softly. "Okay. Ye know I don have to see 'er lad. Thas up to ye. I just want to know about yer medications." Juan nodded, but pulled his arm towards the door. "Less see wha she has to say. Don read that shite mag. Is trash."

Juan giggled at him, but picked it up anyway. His heart raced as the door closed behind Fillip. He wanted to know what he was going to say about him. He was nervous about going back in there also.

**Jessie!!!!! Are you coming to the party tonight? **He text her to kill some time.

** _Juicy Fruit!!! Yeah, I'm bringing my man. You bringing yours?"_ **

** _Geez, I wish it didn't have to be like that. Chibs is a great guy. The guys should get over their out dated politics.   
_ **

**Maybe one day. If I'm lucky.**

** _Juicy Fruit, don't worry too much. What time do you think you will be there?_ **

**Probably last minute. We're at the head dr now. I'm just full of fun you know.**

_ **You are the funnest! I can't wait for you to meet David.** _

**I cant either! See you soon! Stop calling me Juicy Fruit!!!!!**

** _Love you! No._ **

He put the phone back into his pocket and sighed waiting for Fillip.

***********

"Ye wan'ned to see me doc." He smiled at the lady behind the desk.

"Yes. Please come in. Have a seat. I must say, he has good taste." She teased hoping to lighten his obvious tension.

"If ye say so. How can I help ye?"

"Well, first let me start by telling you, I can't discuss specifics. However he mentioned that you were interested in his medications. Helping him maintain them and such. Before we get into that I was hoping maybe you could give me some insight. Tell me a little about your relationship. Tell me about Juan, as if I'd never met him."

Fillip sighed. That was a tough question. What could he tell her, what should he tell her. His opinion of Juan didn't match Juan's opinion, of that he was sure.


	30. 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chibs talks to the Dr. It goes well and he reflects.

Fillip reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out his cigarettes. He thought deeply for a bit, what was this lady looking for?

"Well, 'es a good lad, sweet, don't really belong with the rest o'us. He's smarter than us too, jus don act like it. Kid acts like he has rocks in is head, but e don."

She jotted. "I see. How long have the two of you been together?"

Fillip flicked the ashes of his cigarette. He didn't really know. All of this had been such a rocky road, they'd been close for so long. "Officially? 'Bout a year."

She raised a brow. "Unofficially?"

He smirked at her, knowing what he was going to say wouldn't match anything Juan would have told her.

" 'es been mine since I met him. Fell head over heals stupid kinda dopey love ye experience as a wee lad. We've been hip to hip since. Never been wit a man 'for him, not really. Don know what it was bout him. I woulda took a bullet for em then, and I'd take a bullet for em now."

She smiled as he spoke, watching his body language, listening to the sincerity of his voice. "Does he feel the same way about you?"

"I woul say so. Lad doesn't have many people. He loves wit his whole being, not just his heart."

"That's wonderful Mr. Telford. -he interrupted, "Chibs or Fillip please las."- Fillip, you two seem to be a good match for one another. What is the nature of your relationship?"

For a brief pause, Fillip felt confused. Then he realized that she must already know and wants to verify, or grill him about it. So many unconventional relationships end up being abuse, he understood her question.

"How do ye mean?" He arched his brow looking confused.

"How would you describe your relationship with Juan?"

He stubbed out the cigarette, and swallowed. He wasn't sure if Juan was okay with him mentioning what they do, but at the same time, if it would help him. He decided to play the role he'd been given and make the decision he felt best. If he was wrong he'd deal with the wrath of his lover.

"Well, I am a big support system for em. Ye know wha I mean? He uh." He clears his throat. "Es diff'rent, ye know? Needs a little more attention than most men woul. I give em tha. E makes me happy. There's a lot of trust between us ye know."

She jotted. "It's good you're able to trust one another. Would you say you balance one another? Bring something to the other?"

Chibs nodded. He hadn't considered any of her questions before. All he knew was they loved each other. He would do whatever he needed to protect him, love him, keep him happy and feeling love. He'd find a way to make up for the lost time, all the years Juan Carlos had to go unloved. Every minute that hardened him, making him the Juice, cold,the criminal and murderer was capable of being, the ruthless Son he was able to be. He wanted to take it all away, let him just be Juan. He couldn't tell her that though.

"Yeah, I think we balance eacb other. Wha is it yer looking to find out doc?"

"Just trying to get an understanding of my patient and the man he's established as his proxy. Are there any concerns you have about Juan? Anything you'd like to discuss?"

He tried to think but really he didn't know what to say. How would she respond if he told her the truth? He figured it was one way to test her. Was she good enough for his boy? He just wanted the best for Juice, Juan, his lover. He wanted to protect his brother, his friend.

He chuckled under his breath. "He calls me daddy."

She looked up from her note pad, facial expression remaining neutral. "How do you feel about that?"

His cheeks pinked slightly, he was the one who initiated all of this, really. He knew Juan needed more, he needed to give it. He'd played around in his younger days, but nothing serious. Not like Tig, Tig had always been fun. Full of stories that tantalized the brain. He wanted this arrangement with Juan, and prayed Juan wanted it just the same. How did he feel when Juan called him Daddy? Either in his little space, sub space or just his partner, he liked it. He liked what it meant for them, the bond it held. He liked how Juan's eyes would sparkle when he said it. He enjoyed this life they'd created and truthfully he wanted it full time.He didn't know how to express that, that's not how he did things. Dumping his heart to some stranger, was not his style. Though he was glad Juan was doing it, if it was what he needed.

"Don't mind. We're a little unconventional anyway. He calls me tha all the time, when it's okay for us. I take care of em. The lad is tougher than he thinks e is. He just likes to be, no, he just needs the extra stuff. I like the extra stuff. I'm not good at a lot of things. I'm good at my job, and im good at Juan."

She remained quiet and let him talk, think. She made notes, writing things to talk to Juan about. Her observations of his partner remained confident that Juan was in good hands and his medications would be administered properly. When Fillip didn't speak again she cleared her throat.

"Juan tells me you were a medic, in the army? I'm sure you're good at a lot of things Fillip. Shall we go over his medications?"

He laughed in jest now. He hadn't served long, but he knew enough. Juice always thought it was the best thing. Always asking questions like Fillip was a doctor, boy was smart, he could have been a doctor given the right circumstances.

"Aye, five months in the Queens service. Had to leave, discharge ye know. The lad thinks I'm a surgeon pretty much. I keep tellin em otherwise."

She smiled, folding her hands.

"Well just a basic statement I need to make during our session. This is a safe place, for both of you. Whatever life style or arrangement you have is respected here. Everything we've discussed is confidential. Without your explicit permission I will not discuss anything you tell me with Juan. Same goes for him, as he knows. It's been a pleasure to finally meet you Fillip.

He clapped his hands in front of him. "I appreciate that. Ye can tell em anything. If it helps em, I will do it." He smiled his genuine smile, pushing his hair out of his face. "Should I go get em?"

She closed her note pad and nodded. Tara had been right, they were different. Not unpleasant, just different. She knew about the club, neither of them mentioned it and she was relieved. Their confidentiality only extended so far and she didn't want to straddle the grey line of good guys and bad guys. She liked being neutral, helpful and honest. Meeting Fillip calmed a lot of her initial worries, both about Juan's situation and working with the outlaws.


	31. 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Therapy goes pretty well. Juan is getting to know himself better.

Juan fidgeted a little in the chair beside Fillip. A part of him re-thinking asking him to come, the other part was glad he was there. He was tuning in and out as the Dr went over his medications with Fillip, thinking to himself about how he got here. He smiled over at Fillip, reaching to grab his hand, lacing their fingers, which Fillip allowed mindlessly. They were comfortable with each other, holding hands was easy. The problem was that not holding hands was getting increasingly difficult, for Juan anyway.

He liked being affectionate with Fillip, he really wished they lived the kind of life that allowed him to do so freely. Fillip was affectionate, in different ways than himself. Still the little things they snuck here and there were an adrenaline rush. Sometimes when Juan was feeling especially affectionate or needy, sometimes he would pretend to be in _little space _as Fillip called it. He still felt confused by all of that. Sometimes he felt what probably qualified as small, but often he just felt safe when he was with someone. He liked not having to make decisions and being able to just do things he liked. That was on his list of things to talk about with this lady, but probably not today.

"Juan. Are you with us?" She folded her hands in front of her, Fillip squeezed his hand.

"Hmm? yeah. Sorta." He grinned sheepishly.

Fillip leaned over to whisper, "Ye gettin restless baby?"

Of course, Fillip knew the answer, of course he was getting restless. He struggled to sit anywhere for any amount of time. He was running out of patience but trying his best to do good. Fillip nodded at the Dr, in mutual understanding.

"We're almost finished Juan. Just need you to sign a few things to give Fillip permission going forward. This would allow him to pick up your prescriptions in your absence. This doesn’t give him access to your file. Is now a good time for you to sign those?" She slid the papers over to him. He nodded, bringing himself back to the present. He also needed to talk to her about Fillip being able to make decisions for him. If it should come up here, like what if she wanted to change his medications? What if she asked him questions, he couldn't answer? What if he shut down in front of her? He neatly signed the documents for her, sliding the papers back over to her.

"Thank you for doing this for us. I really appreciate it doc." He reached to shake her hand.

"Of course, Juan. It was a pleasure to meet you Fillip." 

Juan made it to the door before turning back to her, Fillip cocked his head curiously.

“What is it Juan?” She asked, voice laced with concern.

“Was wondering if we have enough time for me to explain one more thing. Its important.” His eyes cast down, waiting for rejection.

“Of course, Juan, I can give you a few more minutes. Have a seat.” She sat back down in a regular chair away from her desk. The area she deemed the _conversation zone. _Fillip followed him, unsure of what was about to be said.

“Ye want me to step out lad?” He wanted to give him the option, however, Juan grabbed his arm and pulled him to a chair as well.

“Just, those papers, I know they give Fillip legal permission to get my medications, and to ask questions about them. I also just wanted to tell you, or hope it was okay anyway. Um… He… um, he helps me make a lot of decisions. I want to be able to make decisions if I feel like I can’t. If that should ever come up.”

The both looked at him slightly confused.

“Can you elaborate Juan?” She folded her hands on her lap, looking at him inquisitively. 

He swallowed, looking over at Fillip. This was one of those moments, he wanted him to just speak up. Tell her what he needed, what he was trying to say. Unfortunately, Fillip was trying to let him say what he needed to say, trying not to overstep in his safe space. He couldn’t find the words to tell either of them that though.

“Like um, if you needed to change my medicine. Or something like that. Or like right now, its hard for me to say what I need to say. Fillip knows what I need, but here he wont step in. What I guess I’m saying is, I want him to be able to. Like if there’s something you need to know, I want him to be able to tell you. Or if he needs to know something, I want you to be able to tell him. I mean I value the privacy I have here, for sure, but like medically or whatever. Does any of this make sense?” He sighed now, feeling stupid for even bringing it up. He should have waited until he had his thoughts together better.

Fillip cleared his throat before she could respond. “I think what the lad is trying to say, is that outside o’here, I oversee a lot of his life. Is part of our relationship agreement. I help him when he needs it. I make decisions, provide guidance. I think what he is saying is that he would like for that agreement to extend here. Is that what yer sayin lad?” He looked at Juan, waiting for his answer. She eyed them, gaging the response. Making sure Juan’s body language signaled that he agreed, not because he had too.

“Yes. That’s the jist of it. I don’t always know the right answers, but Da… um… Fillip does.” His cheeks flushed again; his eyes cast down.

She smiled friendly at him. “Juan, its okay. You can call him whatever you want too. If your relationship, or agreement, has guidelines or rules, those are respected here. No judgments, long as its healthy, and not causing you any sort of harm.” She nodded, smiling when Fillip took his hand again.

She knew that the life they led meant that everything about them was basically dangerous for anyone to know. The displays of affection in her office would probably warrant death, in the wrong hands. The fact that Juan had came here to begin with was not easy for him, sharing his personal life information, and this intimate information was a big step for him. She was glad he had someone like Fillip to support him.

He squinted at her, mocking disbelief on his face. “You honestly don’t think its weird I call my boyfriend Daddy? I mean I’ve never mentioned it here, because I know its not normal.” His tone was condescending.

She nodded understanding his disbelief. “I don’t think its weird Juan. Trust me I’ve heard many weird things. This is not weird. In fact, it’s probably good for you. If it helps you to talk about it, we can another time. If it is better that you don’t, then that’s fine too. If it helps you to not have to dance around what you call him, then that’s okay. Just know I don’t think it’s weird.”

He sighed, squeezed Fillips hand, ready to get the hell out of this place before he made himself look like a serial killer or something.

“Thank you. Again.” He responded shyly before standing back up.

She stood to walk with them to the door. “Ill draw up some papers, for everyone’s protection. Giving him whatever rights, you want him to have. This time is for you Juan. We both just want you to get what you need from it.” She shook Fillips hand again, nodding them off.

In the truck on the way home Juan rested his head against the window, he hadn’t said much, Fillip grew a little concerned.

"Ye alright Juicy?" He rubbed his hand on his thigh.

Juice sat up and rubbed his arm self soothingly. "Yeah, just thinking."

"Care to share?" Fillip cracked a smile at him.

Juan sighed and forced a smile back. "I’m just worried you're going to get tired of taking care of me."

Fillip chuckled. "Well if that should ever happen, we will talk about it. Ye wanna go look at some of the houses you found online? We have the rest of day."

Juan nodded, laying his head back on the window. The silence between them was comfortable, while he pulled up the addresses on his personal phone. Today had been exhausting, he had already gone through so many different ups and downs and it wasn’t even dinner time yet. He had found some homes online but had no idea of what the budget was, so now he was stressed out about that. 

"Daddy." He said the name casually, no childlike influx. 

"What’s up Juan?" Fillip replied in kind. 

"I didn’t have a budget. I just looked at houses I liked. So maybe we should go home and talk about it first? Also, I am tired, and hungry." 

Fillip chuckled to himself, he was tired as well. The session had been more in depth than he had planned for. "Okay lad, we can do that. Spendin the evenin at home sounds nice too. We haven’t done that in a while." He reached over and took Juan’s hand in his own. 

Juan fell asleep during the hour-long ride home, he looked most peaceful when he was sleeping. Fillip took solace in the nights Juan slept peacefully with no fits or restlessness. Whatever was in his past, he hoped he'd feel safe enough one day to let him in on. 

Fillip rounded the corner to the subdivision they lived in, quietly trying to rouse the other man awake. Of course, Juan didn’t, when the man was sleeping well, he could sleep through anything. Fillip gave up as he pulled into the driveway.

"Juan. Juan, baby. Lil one. Juan." He shook him gently. Still nothing, other than a mumble. 

"I’m going to carry you in, all the neighbors will see." He teased. 

Fillip rolled his eyes when Juan shrugged. Carefully he opened the passenger door, holding Juan up with one arm so he didn’t fall out of the truck. He finagled the man’s limp arms around his neck and carried him bridal style from the truck to the front door.

"Shit. Fukin' keys, dammit." Fillip cursed at himself when he realized he couldn't unlock the door with Juan in his arms like this. "Gotta put ye down lad. Can ye stand ere for me? Promise ill carry ye to yer bed." He teased, rubbin' his nose against the other mans. 

Juan smiled at him, giggled a little at the filling of the prickles of Fillips mustache rubbing against his face. He wiggled himself free and stood wobbly next to Fillip, while he unlocked the door. Fillip pushed the door open, and stepped inside, leaving a still sleepy Juan standing on the patio. He slowly turned around to face him. "Ye comin' in lad?" 

Juan raised his arms, making grabby hands at him. He wasn’t in little space, not even close. He was still just as capable of being needy and bratty. Fillip rolled his eyes playfully, gesturing for him to come inside. 

"You said you would carry me." Juan closed his eyes and smiled his biggest smile. The devious one that meant he was up to something. 


	32. 32

Fillip dropped him roughly but playfully onto the large bed they shared. Juan shrieked in surprise as his body was suddenly not supported by Fillips arms but airborne instead. "You're such an ass Fillip Telford." He snapped, grinning up at the man, situating himself on the bed, his upper body weight resting on his elbows and forearms.

Fillip grabbed his ankles, yanking him quickly across the bed before he could react. Again, Juan shrieked and laughed from the surprise. When Fillip had pulled him so that his legs were on either side of his own, one pelvis flush to the other, he lowered his top half onto the bed hovering over the other man.

"We're using full names now. Ye feelin feisty baby boy?" He used the name teasingly, a low growl rumbling in his chest when Juan flushed bright red.

The thoughts from earlier morning flashed through his mind rapidly. He wanted to bring it up but didn't know if now was a good time. He lowered his eyes not wanting to meet Fillips gaze.

Fillip pecked a kiss on his nose, relaxing his arms a bit he leaned more onto the bed. "Whas in tha head o'yers now lad?" He stroked his cheek, turning his face to his.

Juan sighed a happy sigh, smiling at Fillip, eyes searching the others. His heart felt like it would jump out of his chest. His chest felt tight, his breathing was strained, he could have a panic attack if he wasn't careful. He tried to put the words together in his mind so he could say them out loud.

"Baby, jus say wha ye need to say. No worries member." He stroked his palm over Juan's cheek, smiling down at him. Their bodies lay on the bed, Juan on his back, Fillip propped on an arm beside him, there legs tangled.

"Um, I know how we work, our arrangement and all. We have rules, and they work." He sighed trying to get himself together, Fillip nodded patiently, but curious. "I like how this works, us. You know? But um." He moved his eyes away, Fillips heart started to sink.

He didn't know what Juan was about to say, but it didn't sound good. He loved him so much, even without all the rules, the playing, the dominate daddy thing, he just wanted to be with Juan. He really hoped he knew that and wasn't about to break up with him. Maybe he decided this was fun, but he got what he needed from it, maybe he wanted something more _normal. _Chibs held his breath waiting for him to finish his thought. He intertwined their fingers and brought their hands to rest on Juan's chest.

Juan's heart raced faster; he could see the worry in Fillips eyes as he silently urged him to hurry up.

"I love you Fillip. Um... I've been thinking, like _allllllll day." _He dragged out the word, making it cute, trying to calm Fillips nervousness a little.

"For Christ's sake, wha is it lad? I'm too old, and yer givin me palpitations." His eyes were big with concern, his lips turned down into a frown exaggerated by the scars, loose hair hung in his face, Juan fought the urge to move it.

"What are the rules about you. Like we have rules about when you will or won't initiate sex with me. They make sense. But like..." big breath... "what if I wantedtofuckyou?" He said it all as if it were one word.

For a split-second Fillip was confused, until his brain deciphered the words. A smile pulled across his face, he let out the breath he was holding and laughed. He didn't mean to laugh at Juan, but he felt so relieved. The thought of being on the receiving end hadn't really occurred to him, honestly, he hadn't expected it. Juan was a bottom through and through, or it had seemed. Fillip remembered a time in his youth when he and a lad on base with him experimented a little. From curiosity more than desire, they wanted to know what the fuss was about. He hadn't been super impressed with the ordeal at the time. Once he and Fiona played around a bit, they had learned about the prostate from one of Fillips physical exams. They'd both wondered what it would be like, so they spent several awkward sex sessions trying to find it. He enjoyed it when they finally did, but the whole situation was so awkward they rarely ever tried it after they first success.

He was hesitant, though it was fair to at least try it. He figured worst case he hated it and they didn't have to do it again. Though Juan seemed to really enjoy it when they were together, maybe it would be good with him. His thoughts ping ponged around inside his brain, Juan's brow furrowed in obvious embarrassment and concern.

"Can you just say something? Even if it's no?" He whispered, dropping his eyes submissively.

Fillip sighed, coming out of his thoughts he realized the silence had been too long. "Sorry lad, I was thinking about it is all. We can try it. I won' promise I'll like it as much as ye seem too, but I'm willing to give it a go." He smiled, trying to reassure the other man. Juan nodded, sighing in relief that the conversation was over. 

"One more thing. Not related." He hated flip flopping back and forth between his different head spaces but the rise in adrenaline and nervousness had made him feel strongly submissive and needy. 

"Whas tha lad?" Fillip inquired. 

"I really miss my frog. When can we go get him?"

Fillip chuckled again, the extreme change in subject making him giggle a little. 

"Ye wan to bring it 'ere?" A little befuddled he eyed Juan waiting for an answer.

Juan nodded. "We spend more time here than there. I spend more time going through emotional ups and downs like the crazy person I am. I just figured that maybe if he were here, he'd be comforting even when I’m not being small. I mean I work from here a lot more lately, haven’t been doing much in the garage, or on runs. I’d leave him here; I promise I won’t take him anywhere with me. I’m not stupid, I know if anyone besides Tig knew what we get up too, I’d be killed." He was smiling, trying to be playful but Fillip knew he was serious. 

Serious and correct. Jax of course knew they were a thing, he might even know Juan calls him Daddy, but he certainly didn’t know why. He probably just thought it was _some gay thing_, them being weird. He didn’t need to know it was because Chibs was a nurturing dominate, he was all about care and protection more than discipline and pain. He didn’t need to know that sometime Juan found solace in playing with toys on the floor and indulging in all the junk food he can’t bring himself to eat typically. He didn’t need to know that within these walls, Juan could shut off the noise in his head and let Fillip take over for him, completely. The SONS would never know that Juan thrived and did his best work after he’d had a round over his Daddy’s lap. They didn’t need to know why it helped, how it put his thoughts back right when the sting overwhelmed his other senses. Safety. They didn’t need to know that his biggest weakness was the need for safety. This fact broke Fillips heart if he thought about it too much. 


	33. 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juan is supposed to be house hunting but ends up where his heart longs for most.

Juan and Jessica were all set to look at houses that afternoon. Chibs was supposed to go with him, but of course there was _a club thing_. Since Juice was taking more of a back seat for everyone’s well-being, the cop had laid off him some, but it also meant he didn’t have a clue what was going on most of the time. If it wasn’t tech related, he wasn’t informed. The fact he had his kutte was surprising, though he was still a member. 

"Mind if we make a stop while were out? It’s a little out of the way."   
He asked her as he pulled Chibs truck out of the subdivision they currently lived in. 

"Depends, your daddy knows about this stop?" She was teasing, and his ears turned red because of it. She was the only person, friend, that he had outside the club, and the only person besides Tig that knew what was going on. 

He laughed with her, swatting his hand out at her. "Hush, you heifer. Yes, he knows." 

"Well where’s our first stop?" She smiled, pulling out her phone for GPS. 

They pulled up to the light in the main strip of Charming, the rev of motorcycle engines caught his attention. Chibs, Jax, Bobby were all standing on the sidewalk beside the ice cream shop, a few of the other guys were pulling up to park in front of them. 

Ice cream? Since when was ice cream club business? What even was this? Chibs and Bobby both had cones, Juice watched Chibs tongue dart out and lick it. He felt envious of an ice cream cone, what had happened to his life?

"Hey, Juan, its green." Jessica tapped his arm, having saw the guys all around, she knew he was in his head. "Still miss parts of it huh?"

He pressed the gas, nodding. "Yeah, didn’t know it would be so hard being an old lady." 

"It’s not that bad. Is it? I mean you got a good one. Chibs treats you like royalty. Tig is wrapped around your finger so tight your finger might fall off."

He sighed. "Yeah, but they don’t tell me anything. I know the plan was for me to not be so involved. It’s just, I didn’t think it would be like this. It’s like a total disconnect, they only call me when they need something. Again, I know that was the plan, but Fillip doesn’t talk to me."

"Maybe it will be easier when it’s not in your front door. You know? When you move to the big city and start spending all your daddy’s money." She started laughing before she even finished the sentence, she was relieved when he laughed also.

"There’s a house I’ve had my eye on. Let’s go check it out and you can tell me what you think." He was taking a risk taking her to the house. He knew that, but he really liked that house. If he could convince Fillip to just move in up there, they would be far enough away that, if, if he could convince Chibs, they could both be out of the life. 

'What’s the queen bee think about y’all moving?" 

"Gem? She’s happy for us. Wants to know when we’re getting married, but I honestly don’t know if he would. I don’t honestly know if he can. I’m not sure of the Fiona status. I don’t ask."

"Juan Carlos Ortiz! Have I taught you nothing? You are not second best to anyone. If you want that kind of commitment, you need to bring it up. If he’s not willing to even discuss it with you, babe, your gonna need make some tough decisions. What happens when she comes here? They have a kid. Do you still get to be the boyfriend? These are important things Juan." 

He sighed again. He knew they were important, but they’d only been official for barely over a year now. He didn’t know if he was even ready for marriage, or if he even wanted it. He just knew he wanted Fillip. 

His phone buzzed in the truck seat, it was his personal phone, not the burner. A picture of him, Tig, and Chibs popped up. It was a picture from a party a few months back, they’d all been drinking and being stupid. Even Juice had drank, more than his typical two beer allotment. He’s planting what was probably a sloppy drunk kiss on Chibs cheek, and his arm is tight around Tig’s neck. They are all smiling. Every time he saw the picture it made him smile all over again. 

"Hey." 

"Juan!" Tig’s sticky voice came through the phone. 

"Yep, you got me. What’s going on Tig?" 

"Just checking on you. You weren’t at the house when I came by. The guys are all doing stupid shit with the ice cream place or something."

"What is the deal with the ice cream place?"

Tig laughed. "I think Bobby is trying to get Jax to buy it. So, he can bake all day and launder money." 

Juan laughed now, of course Bobby would want it. "So, what are you doing?"

He grunted. "Bored. Venus is working, they guys are bullshitting, and prospects are at the garage. I hate prospects." 

"Well we will be back soon. Chibs said something about club business when he left this morning." He was hoping maybe Tig would tell him something. Especially since an ice cream shop did not warrant club business, unless they had to vote on the purchase. 

"Sounds good. Why don’t you come by here when you finish up?" 

"I’m not sure when we will be back though." 

Tig grunted again. "Okay Juan Carlos, this is what’s up. I’m not with the guys because when you two get done, I need you to come here. Orders, you hear." It wasn’t a question. 

Words caught in Juan’s throat, he cleared it. " Okay, sure, yeah, okay. I’ll be there. Any specific time I need to be in by?"

"Try and be here around seven. Think you can swing that?" 

"Yeah, of course. Chibs knows I’m going straight there, or do I need to call him? This morning he mentioned seeing me later this evening. Did something change? Is he okay?" He was starting to ramble, and he knew it, but he couldn’t help it. He was worried, how could he not be? Their entire relationship was basically founded on his fears. 

"Everything is fine, just come over okay."

By the time he got off the phone they were pulling up to the house. Juan had driven all the way to the other house, he hadn’t even realized they’d driven that far. He also made it in record time, a three-hour drive in two. How fast had he been going while on the phone and how had Jessica not stopped him? She looked confused when she looked at the house. She never put this address into her phone, he had driven here instinctively. She wanted to ask but bit her tongue, if she knew anything about Juan, it was that he would tell her everything she wanted to know. All she had to do was be patient and wait for him to formulate thoughts. 

She loved their late-night gossip sessions, especially when Fillip was on the road somewhere. One thing they club really missed out on was never taking the time to really get to know him like she had. He was funny, goofy even, but on purpose. He was super smart, and in her opinion too good for that life. He wasn’t an outlaw by nature. Some other force drove him there, and Fillip getting him out was the best thing he could do, even if Juan felt resentful towards his own decision sometimes. 

It had been so long since he and Fillip and been able to come up to the house, months. So much club drama had unraveled, and they never made the time. They needed a vacation or something and soon, Juan was certain he’d lose his mind if they didn’t get the chance. They hadn’t even had sex, not even a quickie, or anything in weeks. By the time Fillip got home at night he was exhausted, and Juan was usually asleep. He was supposed to get to spend the evening with him tonight and had been looking forward to it so much, instead now he was going to Tigs. He only got sent to Tigs when something was wrong, and Fillip didn’t want him left alone. The lump in his throat grew, but he tried to push it down. He needed to go in and get what he had come here for. He also wanted to sell Jessica on this house so maybe had have a chance at talking Fillip into it also. 


	34. 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just the guys plotting a surprise for Juice. A fun update.

"So, what are we doing here exactly Juan?" Jess inquired.

"Just grabbing a few things." He shrugged as he opened the door.

"Yeah, but whose house is this? We can't just go waltzing into someone's house. I told you not to include me in club shit." She crossed her arms.

"It's not club shit. You can't tell anyone we were here okay?" His eyes pleaded with her.

She nodded in agreement; she wouldn’t tell a soul. She looked around the house in awe, it was beautiful. "Do you own this house?" She picked up a framed picture of Juice and Chibs, sitting it back down. There were a few other group photos of the guys sitting around, Juice had printed them and put them up. He said it made the place feel more like home having pictures. Chibs of course allowed it. He didn’t answer her question.

He went into the room where all his stuff was and grabbed a bag, packing some things into it. Most importantly, his frog. He came back into the main room of the house; Jess was settled comfortably on the couch looking around. 

"Juan, babe. Whose house is this? Why can’t you just live here? This place is awesome."

He smiled at her. "I love this house; I just have to sell Fillip on it. It’s his house." 

She looked at him confused. 

He grinned. "I’ll explain on the way back." 

They were getting ready to leave when his phone rang again. "This is Juice." 

"Hey love. Did ye talk to Tiggy?" Fillips voice came through the speaker. 

"Hey daddy. Yeah, he told me to come to his place this evening. What’s going on?"

Jess rolled her eyes laughing at him. He shoved her playfully. 

"Not'ing to worry bout Juan. I know ye don really like surprises, so I’m gonna warn ye, I got ye a surprise. Tiggy is gonna bring ye to the clubhouse to meet me this evenin alrigh. Have ye looked at any houses yet?"

"Just drove around mostly. Don’t feel right looking without you. I came to the big house to get some stuff though. I hope that’s okay."

Fillip chuckled but his voice was stern. "Lad ye know yer not supposed to take anyone there. I reckon ye've earned a round o're my lap for tha." 

Juan sighed a little, but he had expected worse, so he accepted his fate. "Yes sir. What kind of surprise did you get me? Why is Tig taking me to meet you?”

"So ye canno snoop around for yer surprise, thas why. I know how ye are. Aye, gotta finish up this shite with Jax and Bobby, then we will be back in Charming. Ye get yerself on back now."

He agreed and hung up. 

"Going back to Charming?" Jess teased. 

"Don’t pick on me. You’re just jealous. I know you know something." He laughed with her.

The ride towards town was comfortable, they chatted away. Juice still had this inkling that she knew something, despite her promises that she had no clue. 

About an hour outside of Charming, his burner started going off. 

"Yeah?" He barked into the phone, unsure of who it might be. 

"Juice. Its Jax."

Juice sighed, whatever he had to say couldn’t be good. 

"Is Chibs alright?" That was all he cared about, the only thing he needed to know. 

"Yeah, everything here is fine. However, how far out are you?" 

"About an hour. What’s up?" Concern and disappointment laced his voice. 

"I’ve got some plates I need you to run. Can you drop Jess off at Diosa with Venus and go to the clubhouse.”? 

"Yeah, okay. No problem." He agreed despite not wanting too. 

Jax looked at Chibs pridefully, "That should keep him busy for a while. I text him the plates." 

Chibs laughed and rolled his eyes, they had taken pictures of random plates in the parking lot of the mall. He felt cruel teasing Juice like this, but he wanted everything to be perfect. They had never had a member patch out before, not like this. Juice was about to be the first ol' man to another ol'man. The club was allowing it, Jax had insisted they throw a party, just like they would when a member patched in. Juice wasn’t losing his family; he was gaining them in a new way. Chibs really hoped that this party, this plan helped settle his anxiety about leaving the club.

"He is probably going to be confused about why half these people are a concern to us. You know at least four of those plates are registered to some woman named Susan." Bobby thought the whole plan was stupid. Keeping Juice busy could have been achieved with a bucket of Clorox and a mop. 

Jax laughed harder now. "Yeah, you know Tig is gonna be pissed at us though. He worries more than you do about him."

Chibs agreed. "Yeah, but he canno keep a secret worth a shite. If Juicy went to his house to wait, Tig woul tell em everything."

Bobby rubbed his belly, shaking his head. "This fucking club gets weirder and weirder every goddamn day. I’ll bet Tig and Venus will get married next. Then what, you and Juicy? Jax and Opie? Shit, I call dibs on Chucky, freak may not have hands, but he’s the only person left under fifty. " 

Jax slapped Bobby on the back, "let’s go Brother, gotta get these party supplies. Gemma finds out were planning a party without her help, she will hang us all out to dry."

Bobby squinted at him. “You better tell the Queen; I would do a lot of things for this club. This shit aint one of them. Plus, I have earned some decent fucking food. All this running around shopping shit.” 

“Quit yer whining Bobby, I need yer expertise. Ye gotta go bake some shite for us. Juicy loves yer cookies.”

Bobby looked proud for a moment. Juice was such a health nut; it was a compliment that the man pretty much drooled over Bobby’s cookies. “Alright, ill bake em for the missus.” 

Chibs wrapped an arm playfully around Bobby’s neck. “Don let em hear ye call em tha. Jesus Christ, he would crawl inside emself and die.”


	35. 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juice gets busy on the plates and makes Opie sad.

Juice dropped Jess off with Venus, stopping only long enough to hug the woman and explain that Jax had called. She accepted this and ushered Jess inside with her. She gave him a tentative kiss on his mohawk and a warning glare that he should call Tig. He of course promised to do so and left.

He pulled the truck into TM noticing that there were very few people around. Chucky came out to greet him, in his apron. He was obviously cooking something. Gemma sat in the office, looking as if she were getting ready to leave.

"Hey Gem, where is everyone? Jax told me to come by and run some plates."

She hugged him, before grabbing her purse. "Few of the prospects and Opie went out to tow someone. I'm honestly not sure about everyone else. I'm about to head home, let them know if they come in. You all know where to put the invoices. Love you." She kissed him on the cheek and left in a hurry.

He popped into the kitchen where Chucky had returned. "Whatcha up too Chucky?"

Chucky, ever excited to be acknowledged turned from the stove with a smile.

"Just making up some lunch. Are you hungry Juice?" He seemed so eager, Juice said yes even though he wasn't very hungry.

"Do you know when everyone will be back?" He asked casually.

"No, uh, no I don't. Tig hasn't been by all day, Chibs, Bobby and Jax are on club business. Opie and the prospects are in the truck. I don't know much else."

Juice stuffed his hands into his pockets, feeling like for some reason everyone was either avoiding him or lying to him."I'll be at the bar working."

Grabbing himself a beer he set to work on running the plates, after the second one he was shaking his head. Who were these people? He found addresses, and work sites for the first two, the third one was more challenging.

The numbers on the plate didn't make sense, the number to letter ratio was off. He tried to decipher if it were a vanity plate, but he couldn't make anything out of it. Nothing would come back on the car. He started feeling the adrenaline flood him then. Finally, someone he could hunt down and figure out. He hadn't even noticed when Chucky sat down the plate of food for him, much to his dismay. Chucky had taken the time to plate the food aesthetically, only serving him the vegetables.

Every few minutes he would dutifully go out and check on him, see if he needed anything. The only thing he asked for was another beer. He was so in the mindset of the hunt that he didn't even think about his alcohol consumption or the fact that he really wasn't supposed to be drinking.

After two and a half hours of digging, he was seven beers in and feeling it. Opie and the prospects had returned, but no sign of anyone else. He decided to take a break, stretch his legs a little. He had been hunched over the laptop at the bar for so long his back cracked when he sat up straight. He joined Opie out on one of the picnic tables, lighting up a smoke.

"How's it going Ope?" He inhaled the smoke into his lungs. It had been a while since he had a cigarette, the burn felt good, he also felt a little guilty. 

"Good man. You know, we need to go out again some time. Get out of this place and let loose." It was idle small talk, but Juice didn't care. He was bored, and frustrated that he couldn't get any intel on that license plate.

"Yeah, that was a good time. Oh shit! I forgot to..." He trailed off pulling his phone from his pocket. He tossed the cigarette down and stomped it out. Opie just looked at him with his general charming smile, nodding him on his way.

"Tig? hey man. I forgot to call you when I got here."

He heard Tig inhale, he could picture the man's frantic face switch from worry to annoyance. "Yeah. Where are you?"

Juice giggled a little, hearing Tigs voice was amusing to him at that specific moment.

"The clubhouse Tiggy. Jax called and told me to come to TM so I could run some plates. Been really working hard on it."

Tig made a noise that Juice wasn't sure how to interpret, but it sounded skeptical. "Youve been drinking?"

Juice felt his face flush, the rock settling in his gut. He knew he had already earned a spanking from Chibs for going to the house with Jess. Tig would report back to Chibs that Juice had not called and had been drinking what was obviously over his two-drink limit.He hadn't planned on hiding it from Chibs, he just wanted to be the one to tell him he screwed up. If Tig told him it would be worse.

"Yeah, wasn't paying attention to myself. Got lost in what I was doing. I didn't drink anymore when I started feeling tipsy though. Will you please let me tell Chibby?" he knew he was pouting, and that Opie could probably hear him, but he didn't really care now. He didn't want his entire evening with Chibs to be ruined because he had to be punished.

Tig chuckled, which was promising. "I'll give you a chance to tell him first. If Venus hadn't called me when you dropped Jess off, I would be more upset with you. Thanks for calling me. Are you staying at the clubhouse till everyone gets back? I might head that way."

Juice sighed in relief. "Thank you Tiggy. Yeah, Jax made it sound like I should meet him here. If something changes, I'll let you know."

They hung up the phone, his face flushed harder when he saw Opie grinning at him like he had a secret.

"Your boyfriend worried about you?" He teased.

"Tig is not my boyfriend Opie. He couldn't handle all this." 

They both cracked up into a fit of laughter at the idea.

"But for real though, you and Chibs. That's pretty serious huh?" Opie didn't sound judgmental, just curious.

"Yeah, serious enough that we're looking at houses together. I've never had this, with anyone else before. Like you had with Donna. I just want that."

Opie leaned back on the table, cracking his knuckles in front of his body. "I get that. I wish I could have that again. I'm gonna head out, up to the cabin, check on pops. I'll be back this evening." He sounded distant, and Juice felt bad for bringing up Donna like that. He just nodded and watched Opie walk away.

He figured he should call Jax, let him know what was going on with the plates. Hopefully, they could tell him what it was for, maybe he could use that information to help.


	36. 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Juices mind is a dark and terrible place.

  
Juice had spent a total for 4 hours running plates and putting together the life stories of the people involved. He was getting anxious because he hadn’t heard from anyone, he had called Jax five times with no answer. His anxiety was boiling over, he had guilt from upsetting Opie, he already knew he was in trouble with Chibs, and most everyone had been avoiding him for over a week. He sat at the bar, face resting in his palms thinking, brain speeding nowhere. 

He had brought up patching out at the last church meeting, even with Jax's blessing on the ordeal everyone treated him differently. He was still working in the garage, he was still doing their IT, he still had his kutte. Jax had told him he could keep it, he had earned it, he earned his patches, it was his. He got to keep his ink, keep his life, he wasn’t being shunned. At the time it had been a huge relief. Now his mind was going off the rails with anxiety over the situation.

He knew he was an anomaly, no one patched out of the Sons. It was too hard to patch in, and most people didn’t survive long enough to just retire. Those who did, weren’t riding anymore, they were just honorary members with no vote. No one ever left the Sons because they wanted to the old lady of another Son. Juice had really expected to have a bullet in both their brains, because nothing ever goes right for him. 

Juice remembered the silence that had filled the room that day when Jax declared that the two of them had something they needed to bring to the table. He had reassured them they already had his support, which maybe helped to sway the rest. Chibs has spoken first, explaining how this hadn’t been an easy decision, but he felt it was the best thing to do. His entire speech had been ambiguous, asking for Juices safety, and that they hear him out before making a judgment. Juice had hoped he would just say it for him, but he didn’t. Instead he had placed his hand calmly on his thigh, rubbing little circles into the muscle with his thumb helping ground him. Juice had pleaded with himself not to cry because that was the last thing he needed while telling his brothers who didn’t know that he was into dick. Chibs dick of all people. He made it through his statement on autopilot. He had rehearsed it in the shower so many times, he just found a spot on the wall above Jax’s head and spoke. The silence had dragged on for what seemed like eternity before Jax had spoken. Everyone was just staring at them, trying to gage if it had been a joke, or serious. They were checking the expressions of the brothers in the room, getting a feel for what they should say. Juice had thought he was going to dive into a panic attack waiting, but Chibs held firm. By the time Jax finished taking comments from the others, answered concerns and finally called the vote Juice was full tunnel vision. He hadn’t even heard the verdict, only felt Chibs hand relax on his leg pat his back and smile. 

Only a few of the guys were against the idea of just letting him out. Happy of course thought he should be skinned alive for betraying his club, Bobby couldn’t understand why he would prefer dick, and Quinn was adamant that he knew what he signed up for. However, the majority ruled had in his favor, in agreeance with Jax's stipulations. As far as Jax was concerned he had not betrayed the club. He hadn’t snitched anyone out, always came to the table when Roosevelt was sniffing around, always shown his loyalty and dedication, overall, he hadn’t given them any reason to deny his request. Chibs had only requested Juices pardon if the vote didn’t turn out in their favor. Even if the club voted to exile them both, strip their patches, take their ink, Chibs only request had been that no harm would come to Juice. For some reason that fact was making Juice the most nervous now. 

Chibs always put Juice first, he wasn’t sure how to feel about that. Was it even right of him to allow Chibs to do that? Chibs would have given up the club to get Juice out, he had already told him that, was that even fair? Surely the fact that everyone was distancing themselves from him would eventually wear on Chibs enough to send him on his way. Chibs couldn’t leave the club, it was all he knew, there was no way he would choose him over his brothers. Chibs would get tired of him at some point, he would have too. 

For now, Jax was humoring them, giving Juice menial tasks to do, like running plates. Eventually though that would end, he would be alone. He always ended up alone. Surely that was why no one was answering the phone now, no one was at the club house, Gemma left when he got there. His mind was spiraling, his chest was tight, he could feel the darkness taking over his mind. The corners of his vision were becoming shadowed, he knew he should try to call someone, he needed his meds. That stirred up anger, Chibs had his meds, he oversaw that too. He had given everything over to Chibs, everything and the man was going to turn on him. Juice was certain they were plotting behind his back to kill him, that is what the hushed conversations had been about. Chibs wouldn’t give him his medicine because he would watch him suffocate. No one ever loved Juice, they only used him until what he had to offer was used up. Of course, he had thought he would last a little longer this time, but nothing ever changes. 

He dropped from the barstool, back against the bar, knees to chest, his breathing was rapid and short. His body was trembling and his frustration about it was only making it worse. Scenarios of his pending death played through his mind, Chibs disappointment in him, his brother mocking him, faces of his past telling him how they told him he wouldn’t get away. In the distance he heard Chucky talking, but he couldn’t get up, or see the man. He felt the cold plastic hands on his arm, but he couldn’t respond, his eyes locked on nothing, staring out into the void that was his mind. Finally, he gave up, everything in his mind slowed down, he assumed this must be what it felt like to die.

Tig came into the TM lot to find a panic-stricken Chucky running from the door to somewhere inside and back again. Once he spotted Tig he sprinted over to him, Tig rolled his eyes. All he could think was Chucky had burnt food or had gotten his dick stuck in something hoping to clean up the evidence before anyone had gotten there. Tig flicked his cigarette to the ground, lifted his sunglasses eyes glaring at Chucky. "What is it Chucky? You jerk off with the lunch meat or something?" He grinned proud of his joke. Chucky didn’t laugh or smile or even breathe, which Tig found alarming. Usually Chucky would play along with his jabs, instead his eyes only got wider as he panted for air, motioning for Tig to follow him. 

"I, I, I came out of the kitchen to see if he needed anything, I found him like this. I don’t know what is wrong with him. I called Tara, she didn’t answer, I didn’t know what to do." He continued to ramble, Tig just patted his shoulder and rushed past him over to where Juice was huddled up on the floor. His eyes were completely glazed over, he wasn’t even blinking, his body was drenched in sweat and shaking. Gently he maneuvered himself so that he could get Juice up off the floor, lifting him firemen style, letting his head drape onto his shoulder. Tig wasn’t sure what to do, he had seen this look before though, only it was people who had served in the war. He didn’t know where Juice was in his mind, but he knew he didn’t want to be on the receiving end of whatever violence it would trigger. He laid him down on one of the couches stroking his hair gently, he tried to think. 

"You did good Chucky; you did good buddy. Thank you for staying with him." His voice was scratchy in his throat as he spoke, he felt parched. "I’ll take it from here, alright. Did he have a bag or anything with him?"

Chucky went on his way to find Juices backpack, Tig pulled out his phone to call Chibs. 


	37. 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A break of sunshine in the darkness.

Tig is not known for his patience with anyone, or anything, including Juices panic attacks. He had never been a comforting man, that just wasn’t his style. Whatever had set Juice off could only be one of two things, they were always the same it seemed. He either A: felt abandoned, or B: felt it coming. Tig may not be comforting, and affectionate but he was observant. The times Juice had panicked before, way back, and when Chibs was locked up, those times he fainted, his ramblings had always been the same.

Tig slammed his phone shut when Chibs didn’t answer, throwing it across the room only to have it bounce off the pool table and land back beside him. He stomped behind the bar, finding a five-gallon bucket used to refill ice, stomping past Chucky in the kitchen he filled the bucket with water and ice. He was mumbling like a maniac to himself, Chucky trying his best to stay out of his way he watched with alarmed eyes.

Tig stood before the couch with the bucket over Juices shaking body, breathing deeply as if he almost regretted what he was about to do. Quickly he dumped the ice-cold water over his head and body, jumping back as Juice lunged from the couch gasping and coughing. Juices hands clutched at his chest as the air filled his lungs as if he had been drowning, his eyes were wide and confused. Tig guided him slowly over to a dry chair taking the towel Chucky nervously held out for him.

"Hey, Juicy." He wrapped the towel around him, warming his arms with his hands as he crouched in front of him. "Welcome back buddy." Juices blown out pupils looked back into Tigs icy blue eyes as if he were studying him. The tears came like a flood he couldn’t control, Tig just held the back of his neck, it was the most comfort he was comfortable giving in a public place.

"I’m sorry Tig, I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened." He wiped his eyes roughly, managing to stall the tears. His voice quivered but he managed to speak calmly. "I was working on the plates Jax sent me, and they didn’t add up, it didn’t make sense. My head started... it’s like voices... they just go off; fill my head and I can’t think. I don’t... I’m not good on my own. It gets so loud Tig."

Tig just looked at him, not really knowing what to say. The only person present was Chucky, but he couldn’t risk exposing more of their life than intended. The more this went on, the more likely it would happen. He hoped his eyes portrayed understanding and sympathy as he watched the other man blinking away tears. "Come on, let’s get you dry. You got some clothes in the back?"

Juice took a deep breath, pulled the towel around him, drying his hair with one corner. "Yeah, thanks man. I appreciate you pulling me out of that. I’ll go get dressed." Tig let him go on his own, even though everything in him pulled for him to follow. The sound of bikes pulling into TM broke his impulse, he pulled down his shades and walked outside to meet them.

He saw Jax first, Chibs close behind him, something flickered in his gut making rage boil in his veins. Chibs threw his hand up in a wave, but quickly tilted his head in confusion when he saw the way Tig was charging at them. Jax dismounted his bike first, tossing his cigarette to the ground. "Tig?" He tried to get the man’s attention thinking he was locked on him, Chibs and Bobby coming in for back up. "TIG!" Jax scoffed angrily as the man’s stride became a sprint shoving past Jax.

"You fucking son of a bitch! You know better!" His hands grabbed hold of Chibs cut shaking his body before his fist connected with his face. Chibs hands were pushing away, trying not to engage the fight. "Ye bloody ijit, wha the hell is wrong wit ye!?"

Jax and Bobby tried to pull Tig off unsuccessfully, they put their hands up deciding to let them work out whatever this was. Bobby lit a smoke, walking off to the side shaking his head, he could at least finish his smoke before he had to save one of them.

Chibs got hold of Tig around the waist shuffling them backwards throwing off his balance. It wasn’t enough, Tig charged again, shoving them both to the ground. Fists flying in a fit of fury they pounded on each other wherever they could hit. The taste of blood filled their mouths, covered their knuckles as they fought against one another. Grunts of anger, and intelligible words filled the air.

Juice stood next to Chucky in the bay door of the shop watching in horror briefly. He had felt better once he had gotten dressed, now his gut was filled with lead. He looked over at Jax, who looked at him with questions in his eyes. Juice shrugged, trying to remain casual, he really didn’t know. He spotted a few water hoses on the ground next to the bay and grinned at Jax, gesturing towards it.

The fight went on, minutes passed and neither man was giving up, or giving out from the looks of it, Jax gave a thumbs up with a laugh. He sauntered over to where Juice stood, helping him unravel the hoses. "You know anything about this?" Jax asked curiously as they worked on the tangle.

"I don’t, but somehow I’m certain it’s about this piece of prime meat." He pointed at himself, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. The knot of hose pulled apart; they took a few steps towards the tangle of men on the ground. "I don’t even want to know Juice. I don’t want to know." he rolled his eyes. "Power on." They twisted the nozzles, water blasted from the hoses in powerful jets towards the fight.

The cold sprays of water at first were a shock, only making both men angrier. Jax and Juice lost their composure amongst the yelps, curses and stumbling bodies trying to stand, their laughter roared over the sound of the curses. Seeing Juice smiling, laughing, genuinely looking happy after his previous state relinquished the anger boiling inside of Tig. He and Chibs were now fighting against the jets instead of each other, laughing and grunting in frustration. Their hair was wet matted to their faces, hands in front of them in vain trying to stop the jets from hitting them.

"Ye bloody numpty! Stop it."

"Assholes! It’s not funny anymore stop!"

Both men were yelling, running around the TM lot like crazed hyenas with the jets of water following them at every turn. Jax's face was red from laughter, Juice was almost doubled over, the two of them seemed to have forged a bond over this excitement. Finally, the water stopped, both Jax and Juice looked at each other confused briefly before looking back at the faucet control. During all the commotion guys had wondered back into the club house unnoticed by the four outside, now they had an audience. A very unamused looking Happy stood next to the tap, toothpick bouncing back and forth, arms crossed over his broad chest as he glared at them all. He didn’t speak, grunted in acknowledgment and walked away. The two were soaked, pushing their hands through their wet hair, slicking it back from their faces, they shook off their cuts, breathing deeply. The four of them stared at each other, silent.

Once the moment of surprise had passed, everyone coming back into their senses Tig and Chibs charged towards Jax and Juice who took off running into the club house. Men were dodging them as the sprinted around trying to escape the wrath of the elder two men. Chibs had a look in his eye, the look that made Juices blood rush through him. Tig looked like a crazed lunatic, but wet. Juice felt as if the episode earlier hadn’t happened at all, he wished things felt like this all the time as laughter filled the usually gruff, and grim clubhouse. 

Their soaking wet bodies sloshed through the clubhouse, hot on the tails of the other two, trails of water left behind them. Juice and Jax had doubled back, aiming to escape out the bay door.

"Shit, shit shit!" Jax hit a puddle in his slick white sneakers, sliding across the floor, he grabbed hold of Juice to regain balance only to topple them both down into a pile of defeat on the ground.” OH fuck!" Juice agreed, as they went down, they burst out into a fit of fearful laughter as the other two men came towards them.

"Yer in for it now boys!"

"Gotcha!"

They struggled, trying to quickly get back up only to be yanked up by wet hands.


End file.
